11 Disastrous Mistakes That Block True Love
You might be unintentionally preventing love from entering your life.
Xavier Lorenzo | Shutterstock When you're trying to find and build a healthy relationship, but nothing you do is working, you may be making disastrous mistakes that block true love. Finding "the one" requires not only hard work, but positive intention to welcome that relationship into your life. And taking part in certain negative behaviors and attitudes is sure to prevent that connection from ever forming.
If you constantly wonder why you can't find a partner or soulmate, you need to be hyper-aware of what you're doing wrong, as well as what healthy relationships need. All it takes is a few lifestyle changes and mindset shifts to finally get what you want, but it won't be possible until you make an effort to understand what you need to fix.
Here are 11 disastrous mistakes that block true love
1. Holding on to old relationships
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When you don't let go of past relationships, you hold onto the past, which prevents you from moving forward. Instead of holding on, focus on the lessons you learned from that relationship and bring that with you, but leave the rest behind. Also make it a point to never treat new relationships any differently because of past hurts, and don't take out previous pain on a new partner.
You don't want to stay stuck, but you can never move on if you're replaying the past and criticizing past mistakes. Either regretting the past or wishing you were still in it will always prevent you from moving forward.
If you're hanging on to old relationships, you're closing the space for new love to come in. Work through and fully grieve old relationships so you can welcome in something new.
2. Lacking self-love
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One of the most disastrous mistakes that block true love is not loving yourself first. If you don't love yourself, you can't attract others who will love you. And if you aren't treating yourself right, you won't attract others who will treat you right.
On the contrary, negative self-talk will attract others who talk down to you; and not trusting or believing in yourself will attract others who won't trust you or that you won't trust.
So, take a good look at how you are treating yourself. And as Psychologist Mark Travers, PhD added, "The significance of self-love transcends personal well-being. When you love yourself, you are less likely to accept mistreatment and more inclined to establish and uphold healthy boundaries. This equilibrium promotes respect, trust, and genuine affection."
3. Living in energies that repel love
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Before you can attract anything, you must add more of that same energy to your life. If you're looking for stability when it comes to love, think about where you're unstable in life and make changes. If any element of your life is unstable, it's important to work on that, as instability will only attract someone unstable.
Look closely at each area of your life and take new steps to work on any areas that aren't stable. This goes for anything you're looking for in love, whether it's fun, comfort, or something else.
Whatever it is you're looking to attract in a partner, focus on adding more of that. After all, we are whole beings and must align every area of our lives to what we want, not just the one area we are working on.
4. Focusing on everyone else's problems
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Don't focus on other people and what they are doing to you. Instead, focus on what you are doing to attract them in the first place. Nothing ever just happens to us; rather, we create everything in our lives with our choices. Because you are the only person in charge of yourself, nobody else.
The good news is that by making some new choices, you can get what you want. Once you begin focusing on the things you desire, instead of what everyone else needs, you choose to put yourself first. And by doing so, you open the door to a potential relationship.
As life coach Roland Legge revealed, "Taking care of our loved ones is essential, but we must prioritize our well-being. While putting their needs before our own is sometimes necessary, we must constantly pay attention to ourselves. If we don't prioritize caring for ourselves, we'll eventually run out of energy to help others."
5. Feeling desperate
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When looking for love, desperation will only lead you into hopeless situations and attract people who will hurt you. But you don't need to act this way, because once you know that happiness can only be found in yourself, you realize that you don't need love to fill the void. Yes, love can make you happy, but it's the cherry on top after you have found your happiness inside of yourself first.
Being happy within yourself and not needing love to fulfill you is the best way to attract love to you. Looking for anyone else to fulfill you will never lead to anything and will only leave you empty inside. The beautiful thing is that you can find love and happiness within yourself without needing anyone else.
6. Not fully expressing yourself
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One of the most disastrous mistakes that block true love is keeping your true self hidden, and not expressing your innermost thoughts and feelings. When you keep things in and don't express them, you aren't being your genuine self and can never attract real, genuine love.
As psychotherapist Leah Aguirre explained, "You absolutely do not need to change who you are for the sake of being seen as (what you may believe to be) more 'attractive' to someone else... When you try to pretend that you are someone else, you are essentially at odds with your true self and subconsciously (and also maybe consciously) reinforcing the belief that who you are 'is not good enough.' It is rejecting and invalidating your values, interests, life experiences, and identity, which are always valid."
Be yourself and say what you feel when you feel it. You want to attract someone who will fall in love with you, not with who you are pretending to be.
7. Believing you have baggage
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We have all made mistakes and have a past. And while some may refer to it as "baggage," this mindset will only prevent you from attracting the love you deserve. Instead of seeing your past mistakes and experiences as baggage, see it as learning experiences that made you the wonderful person you are now.
When you see it as baggage, a weight, or a problem, you put out to the world that you aren't worthy. Instead, be thankful for all you have learned and gained from those experiences and put that foot forward.
8. Only thinking about the negatives
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Focusing on the negative will only attract more negativity to you, especially in relationships. Every negative thing you go through is there to teach you something to lead you to a better place. Look for the lessons in these negative experiences and make new choices to get out of them, instead of just dwelling and lingering on them.
Focus on the positives and what you do have so you can attract more positivity into your life. This especially applies to negative thoughts about yourself, which can have an incredibly undesirable result. In fact, research from 2020 suggests that negative thinking is linked to cognitive decline and may be an indicator of Alzheimer's disease.
Being happy with yourself is so important in attracting the right person for you. If you aren't happy with yourself, the person you attract can't ever be completely happy with you either.
9. Not having fun
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While relationships are sure to have arguments and low points, trying to attract that love in the first place requires a bit of fun. But not letting yourself let loose and have a good time is one of the major disastrous mistakes that block true love. Think about it: if you're treating dating like a job interview instead of trying to get to know someone, you surely won't have success.
Fun and laughter attract love. After all, aren't you more attracted to someone happy and having fun? Purposely find ways to have more fun and laugh in whatever way works for you.
Additionally, numerous studies, including one published in Personal Relationships, indicate that there are incredible benefits to laughing with a romantic partner, including an increase in overall relationship satisfaction.
10. Not taking care of yourself
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While trying to attract love can feel overwhelming, it's easy to get caught up in the pursuit and desire to find "the one." But it's important to remember to always nurture yourself. When you neglect yourself, you can only attract those who will neglect you as well. You must always put yourself first so you have more to give. As they say, always put your oxygen mask on first.
As mental health clinician Yvonne Castañeda pointed out, "Self-care helps you avoid the burnout, resentment, and bitterness that so often get in the way of your ability to love well and love fully. It's how you let the people in your life know they matter to you — that you want to show up as your best self, not just for your own sake, but for theirs too."
11. Expecting love to save you
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Love is two whole people who come together to make things even better for each other. But in order to attract this into your life, you should never expect someone to come in and save you or make you feel fulfilled inside. Only you can find your happiness and fulfillment. No one can magically do that for you.
While you continue your efforts to find and attract the love you deserve, be mindful of why you're doing this in the first place. You want companionship, connection, and emotional support, not a means to an end. And once you realize this within yourself, love can help that grow even more.
Kristine Carlson is a psychic medium, advanced soul-realignment practitioner, life coach, and author.
