7 Things The Happiest Couples Do Differently, According To Research
These couples know how to work through every problem they face... together.
Kuznetsov Dmitriy | Shutterstock For a lot of people, the most important thing in the world is being in a relationship. There's security in it: you're loved, you have a partner, and you're no longer out there in the world, single, trying to make sense of the bizarre messages you get on OKCupid.
Being in a relationship is great! But it's also hard work, and being happy all the time takes a lot of patience and effort. One of the largest studies of relationships ever conducted had some fascinating findings. Conducted over a two-year period that encompassed 5,000 people of all relationship statuses, ages, and orientations, the research, funded by the Economic and Social Research Council, reveals some pretty interesting keys to keeping your relationship happy. Let's break it down for you.
Here are seven things the happiest couples do differently:
1. They choose not to have kids (and they’re happier for it)
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Once you're married the questions about when you're going to have a baby start. It's as if it's just the mandatory next step in this whole thing called life, and any mother will tell you it's the greatest thing in the entire world. However, couples that have chosen not to have kids feel most "satisfied" overall, and more valued by their partner.
Although the study did find that the most miserable of the group are women who don't have a partner or child, and the happiest of everyone are mothers, this is about happiness in relationships.
2. They say 'thank you' — a lot
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It might seem really insignificant, but when you thank someone, whether it's your partner or someone else, you're showing your appreciation. People like to feel appreciated. If you take two people with great manners and who make each other feel appreciated, you're looking at a relationship full of bliss.
Expressing and perceiving gratitude in a relationship can increase satisfaction and commitment and even buffer against the negative impacts of relationship stressors like ineffective arguing or financial strain. Research has found that gratitude, particularly feeling appreciated by a partner, is associated with higher relationship satisfaction and commitment levels.
3. They give each other compliments all the time
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People like to know that they look good or have a talent for something. Complimenting people makes you feel good, and gives them an ego boost. Happy people make for happy relationships.
One study by the University of Waterloo found that giving compliments significantly benefits relationships by strengthening connections, boosting morale, and fostering a sense of trust and appreciation. Compliments can also improve communication, increase social engagement, and even help with conflict resolution.
4. They've learned from past relationships
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Another study found that those who had already done the long-term serious relationship thing were actually better at their next relationship. We learn from our past mistakes and bring it with us to our new experiences — how can that not be a recipe for greatness?
5. They pay attention to how age and timing affect happiness
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According to a 2019 study, the happiest men in relationships were those who were either younger or older; those guys in the middle weren’t as cheery about their relationships. But hey, middle age is tough!
It kind of narrows things down a bit, doesn't it? With so many people of various ages, your age would inevitably come into play at some point.
As for ladies, society doesn't make aging easy, so if you're under 34 now, make mental notes as to what makes you happy about your relationship and carry it with you into your later years.
6. They show up emotionally — especially in queer relationships
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Apparently, straight couples don't like to put in as much work as gay couples, which leads to both components feeling less positive about their relationship. It was also found that straight couples are least likely to say, "I love you." Yikes. An "I love you" a day keeps a breakup away, you guys.
Both types of couples experience similar satisfaction, commitment, and emotional intimacy levels. One article by the British Psychological Society noted that they also face comparable challenges related to communication, conflict, and navigating daily life together.
7. They don't get married
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Lastly, it was found that unmarried parents are a little bit happier than those who tie the knot. Just because you have a child with someone doesn't mean you have to walk down the aisle!
While having children can be a significant life event, it doesn't necessarily necessitate marriage for the child's or the parent's well-being.An eight-year prospective study explained that while marriage has historically been considered a prerequisite for having children, modern views are shifting, with a growing acceptance of different family structures.
Do what's right for you, and right for the happiness of your relationship, not what people tell you is "right." What do you think are the secrets of a happy relationship?
Amanda Chatel has been a wellness and relationship journalist for over a decade. Her work has been featured in Glamour, Shape, Self, and other outlets.
