6 Surprising Things You Do (And Don’t) When You’re Truly In Love
Look for these signs they are really, truly into you.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock Being in love is an amazing feeling. It's something that can't be described when you're in it, and something you also feel as though, once you've known it, you can never live without. But the thing about love is that it's more about actions than words. Saying "I love you" is far easier than showing I love you.
Sure, the thought of saying the words out loud might be scary, but what's even scarier is showing love and risking the chance that you might not get the emotional response for which you had hoped. We spoke to an expert on the matter, YourTango expert Julia Flood, LCSW, of New Start Therapy in San Francisco, and she shared some things that both men and women do — and don't do — when they're in love.
Here are six surprising things you do (and don’t) when you’re truly in love:
1. You try harder to be your best self
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Love brings out positive thinking. As Flood explains, "When we're in love, we tend to put our best foot forward, and our thinking about our partner's differences range somewhere between 'I don't mind' to maybe that will change.'"
2. You feel high on life
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There's no denying that the euphoria you feel when you're in love is intoxicating. Everything is adorable, quirks are seen as endearing, and, as Flood told us, our "differences are being minimized." Who wants to focus on what doesn't overlap, when there's so much beauty in all that does?
Research suggests that the euphoria felt when truly in love is due to a complex interplay of brain chemistry and behavior, particularly the release of dopamine and other neurotransmitters. This creates a reward system activation, leading to feelings of pleasure and motivation.
3. You don't always keep it totally real
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As we already pointed out, love forces us to show our good sides, downplay what doesn't seem important at the moment, and maybe even in some small ways become the person we're with.
This isn't about being deceitful or lying, it's just that, in the beginning stages, when love is at its highest, you don't want to rock the boat with silly quibbles.
4. You get scared, sometimes for no reason
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As Flood points out, eventually "disillusionment" sets in, and you're forced to see a bit clearer than you did in the beginning: "You will discover your partner's flaws and shortcomings, and start feeling disappointed in your relationship.
This is your first real test as a couple, and many partnerships don't survive this new developmental phase in their relationship out of fear of "not being a good match" after all.
While fearing the future might seem counterintuitive to being in love, it can be a sign of deep attachment and vulnerability. Research suggests that the more we love and long for something, the more we fear losing it. This fear can stem from a desire to maintain a connection, a worry about potential heartbreak, or overthinking the relationship's future.
5. You open up, even when it's hard
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It takes a lot to trust someone so much that you're willing to show all sides of yourself. You may have presented your "best foot" in the beginning, but only with trust can you share everything you are — even the stuff about which you might be ashamed.
In learning to love yourself, you, in turn, learn how to love and be loved. "You can only truly appreciate your partner for who he or she is when you have seen all sides of them," says Flood.
6. You don't give up
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This should be a no-brainer, but sometimes people don't make it past that disillusionment phase, and sometimes they just give up because it’s not as easy as it used to be. If it involves some couples therapy to make things get back on track, then that's what you do.
Research suggests that persevering in a relationship, even through challenges, can strongly indicate genuine love and commitment. The study found that attachment, emotional bonding, and the desire to maintain the connection with a partner can make it difficult to walk away, even in difficult times.
When you're really in love, you don't half it, you stick to your guns and make it work. Some people live their entire lives and never know true love, so consider yourself grateful that you have — don't throw it away.
Amanda Chatel has been a wellness and relationship journalist for over a decade. Her work has been featured in Glamour, Shape, Self, and other outlets.
