11 Tiny Behaviors That Make Highly Intelligent People Secretly Unbearable
They might be brilliant, but being around them isn't always easy.
Yevhen Rehulian | Shutterstock While it’s true that emotional intelligence is often linked to more meaningful relationships, productive communication, and prosocial behaviors, according to a study from the BMC Psychology journal, people with more tangible levels of intelligence — like having a high IQ — sometimes struggle to maintain that same level of connection and intimacy. Whether it's how they communicate or how they see themselves, there are tiny behaviors that make highly intelligent people unbearable.
In most social interactions and conversations, people want to feel heard and valued by the person they are interacting with. When there are behavioral barriers to achieving that level of mutual connection and understanding, even if they're subtle and unsuspecting, they have the potential to sabotage social relationships, personal growth, and well-being. Here are the little things they do that quietly drive people up the wall.
The 11 tiny behaviors that make highly intelligent people secretly unbearable:
1. They turn every conversation into a debate
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According to a study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal, highly intelligent people tend to have more meaningful relationships and a better chance at developing emotional intelligence because they tend to seek out deep conversations and social interactions.
While their deep thinking tendencies do tend to be bonding, they can also make the average person feel subtly unheard — especially when innocent, casual conversations turn into debates.
Smart people often can’t resist turning things into intellectual sparring matches — even when no one asked. In many cases, they can’t help it, like experts from the Davidson Institute suggest, because their thinking processes promote a kind of existentialism that’s impossible to ignore.
2. They constantly play Devil's Advocate
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Many highly intelligent people lead with pessimism in their lives, even if they don’t realize it, according to career coach Marty Nemko. They’re already deep thinkers — aware of the complexities and nuances of their lives, which makes simply adopting a groupthink opinion or following trends more difficult.
They tend to play the Devil’s Advocate in casual conversations because of this pessimistic attitude, but also because they can grasp the larger scope of a conversation more easily than the average person. Even if they’re making good points, this perspective often contributes to people feeling unheard or dismissed, which is why it’s one of the behaviors that makes them secretly unbearable in social situations. It can feel more like they want to challenge you than connect with you.
3. They get visibly annoyed when someone doesn't know something
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You can feel it the second someone fumbles a fact or misquotes a stat — the eye twitch, the sigh. Even the way they shift their tone. If they don't say anything at all, you can still sense the judgment.
Even if it’s something as unsuspecting as correcting someone’s thoughts in a conversation, it can contribute to the stereotype that smart people are also more arrogant and selfish. They’re easily annoyed when they don’t feel like they can have a deep conversation with someone because of mismatched intelligence, which is one of the tiny behaviors that make them secretly unbearable to the general public.
Highly intelligent people have a low tolerance for what they see as "basic" knowledge, and it shows. What they might see as intellectual honesty or a harmless correction can come across as condescending, especially in casual settings where people aren't expecting to be quizzed. It's not always intentional — sometimes their brain is just wired to notice and react to errors — but it can make others feel small, embarrassed, or even reluctant to speak up around them. That kind of subtle superiority creates distance fast and contributes to a sense of disconnection between them and their average counterparts in casual conversations.
4. They quote books and movies all the time
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Even in casual conversations, many highly intelligent people can’t help but quote their favorite films, music lyrics, or novels. They’re innately creative and curious, which urges them to invest in creative pursuits and digest artistic pieces. Still, they also have a prosocial tendency that pressures them to share that artistry with others. It’s not that the quotes are wrong — it's just that it starts to feel like a performance instead of an honest exchange.
Ironically, research, such as a study in the Poetics journal, suggests that individuals who enjoy “trash films” or superficial reality TV may actually have a better preference for art cinema and a higher level of intelligence than those who don’t. So, even in conversations where they’re quoting movies that most people don’t like or appreciate, this could be one of the tiny behaviors that make highly intelligent people secretly unbearable in social situations.
5. They avoid small talk, even if it comes across as rude
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Whether it’s a networking event, a gathering with friends, or meeting someone’s parents, many highly intelligent people can’t help but avoid small talk. They find it draining and socially exhausting to invest energy into superficial conversations, which is why they tend to seek out deeper and more meaningful connections in their everyday lives.
However, for most people, that kind of intensity all the time is just exhausting. People are simply trying their best to make a connection or feel more comfortable in social situations, and having an intelligent person avoid small talk can feel dismissive. It’s one of the tiny behaviors that make highly intelligent people secretly unbearable, even if they don’t enjoy small talk in the first place.
6. They really struggle to admit when they're wrong
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Even when it’s obvious, they’ll dodge accountability. According to the Harvard Business Review, highly intelligent people, who are both held to and holding themselves to unrealistic standards for success, tend to struggle with recognizing their weaknesses and taking accountability when they make a mistake.
It’s not that they’re malicious — they just tie being right too closely to their identity. They often feel societal and personal pressure to “prove” their intelligence. When this is intertwined with low self-esteem, it can lead to avoidant and immature behaviors, such as avoiding responsibility and accountability.
7. They feel the need to win every argument
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It’s not enough to talk things out — they need to win. While studies, such as one from the Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization, suggest that intelligent people tend to perform better financially in settings like the workplace due to their competitive nature, the standards they set for themselves can also harm their personal lives and relationships.
By competing with others, even in unnecessary aspects of life, such as comparing relationships and promoting internal wellness, intelligent people set themselves up to feel isolated and alone. They try to win arguments to prove their intelligence or compare their success to others, even when those experiences isolate them from support.
It’s hard to feel heard when someone's always trying to one-up you or prove they’re smarter. There's no such thing as winning an argument, because to have a truly healthy disagreement, you have to be working on the same team to solve an issue or resolve a conflict.
8. They overthink literally everything
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When you’re making a decision on where to get dinner with friends or planning a date night with a partner, there’s probably going to be some conflict and disagreement, but never to the extent that many highly intelligent people spark. Intelligent people can spiral into analysis mode over the smallest decisions, which makes even simple plans feel heavy.
Considering they’re at risk for more mental health concerns, largely due to their tendency to overthink and ruminate on everyday thoughts, they tend to make casual conversations and decisions more complex than they need to be. Even if it’s completely harmless, it’s one of the tiny behaviors that make highly intelligent people secretly unbearable to the average person.
9. They use sarcasm as a shield
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While it’s true that people with high intelligence tend to use sarcasm more frequently and even more efficiently in conversations than the average person, it can sometimes be weaponized as a defense mechanism. Whether they’re being called out for hurtful behavior, expressing their own emotions, or even arguing with a partner, using sarcasm can make people feel dismissed and unheard.
Their humor can be razor-sharp, but sometimes it cuts too deep. Even if it’s possible that it’s being used in an entirely innocent way — with humor or a joke — it can still be one of the behaviors that makes people feel invalidated in the face of an intelligent person.
10. They never ask for help, even when they clearly need it
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Instead of leaning on others, they'll power through silently to protect their pride. Even though it’s uncomfortable, especially for highly intelligent people who may hold themselves to perfectionist standards and impossible expectations, asking for help can be truly beneficial, not just to personal wellbeing and health, but also to social connections and relationships.
It's frustrating to watch someone drown when they could just accept a life raft. It’s one of the tiny behaviors that make highly intelligent people secretly unbearable — when they refuse to ask for help, take other people’s advice, or dismiss competition for the sake of collaboration.
11. They dismiss emotions
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They’ll dissect your logic, but they don’t know what to do when you get emotional. Even though highly intelligent people with a strong sense of self-esteem tend to be emotionally intelligent, it’s also possible that engaging in competition, seeking unrealistic standards of success, and proving intellect can encourage them to dismiss other people’s valid emotions and concerns.
Hyper-focused on winning and expressing their tangible knowledge, the more expressive and vulnerable parts of conversations and interactions can be subtly overlooked. It can feel like your feelings are being treated as a distraction, not something that matters, which is what can make highly intelligent people unbearable to be around for too long.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
