14 Ways Old-School Moms Built Confident Girls That Feel Rare In A Hyper-Anxious World
Shanina | Canva Somewhere along the way, parenting got softer and way more complicated, and yet a whole generation of women still grew up quietly sure of themselves.
Old-school moms didn't hover or overexplain. They built confident girls by handing them real responsibility, expecting resilience, and modeling what self-respect actually looks like in everyday life.
Today, young girls face many challenges. And for moms with daughters, knowing how to build confident girls from a young age is critical for their future success as adults. So take a page from the old-school mom playbook to learn the simple, sturdy lessons that helped so many women grow up strong and not afraid to take up space.
Here are 14 ways old-school moms built confident girls that feel rare in a hyper-anxious world:
1. They taught that self-care isn’t selfish
Take care of yourself by eating right, exercising, and getting enough sleep. You’ll be rewarded with a foundation of good health for the future. Mental health is just as critical and demands the same kind of investment. Family therapist Lianne Avila reminded parents, "When you are stressed out and unhappy, your child will sense it. You are their role model. So, start practicing good self-care today."
Journal, get a massage, take a nap, or simply take a time out to reflect and recharge. Make sure you’re always putting your needs first, or you won’t have anything left to give someone else. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s table stakes.
2. They taught mindfulness matters
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Many women haven’t experienced the power of mindfulness, and it’s a shame because it is simply life-altering. Mindfulness helps to plan for the future but live in the present.
Experience this moment as it is now, without judgment. When you adopt a grateful and mindful attitude, you bring calm and self-acceptance into your life. You also connect to your inner guidance and make the best possible decisions for yourself.
3. They taught them to stay true to themselves
Know your strengths, who you are, and what’s important to you. Uncover your brilliance and connect to what matters to you, even if it feels like you’re standing alone (you’re not). Respect yourself. You’re going to face many tests in the years to come.
People will ask you to do things you won’t want to do or things that you know aren’t good for you. It’s healthy to set boundaries for yourself and proudly state “No.” You will never regret living an authentic life.
4. They taught that nobody is perfect
Everyone has a "thing." That thing might be a struggle with weight, a physical disability, or something that goes unseen, like a mental illness or personal demon. Accept that you won’t ever be perfect, and neither will anyone else. You’re human. You will stumble, you will fall, and you get back up. Learn this, and you will lead a compassionate life.
You don’t have to live up to some false ideal of beauty. You know that pictures can be edited, right? Always remember you’re beautiful, inside and out. It doesn’t matter what you wear, how you do your hair, or how tall or how thin you are. You’re the same wonderful person on the inside. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
5. They taught that life isn’t a popularity contest
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Your friendships are going to change over the next few years and throughout your lifetime. At some point, you might find that you don’t have much in common, or discover a friendship isn’t healthy for you. Make space in your life for other people.
Don’t get so attached that you lose your sense of self. If you feel like a friend is trying to change you or doesn’t like you anymore, dare to move on. True friends will always love you just the way you are and have your best interests at heart. The real gift is liking yourself.
6. They taught them to put themselves out there
You’re going to meet a lot of people in your life. Remain open and curious, and share something about yourself. When you get vulnerable, people will open up to you, too, and that’s how great bonds are formed.
Who knows? That person might turn out to be a great networking contact, your new best friend, or your true love.
7. They taught them to do what they love
With enthusiasm and hard work, you can accomplish great things. Lead with your strengths, and never lose sight of your dreams. In fact, often childhood ambitions lead to the most satisfying work. Whichever career you choose, you can figure out how to make it happen. Don’t let anyone else tell you that you can’t do, be, feel, or have anything you deeply desire. Always do what you love, and you will shine.
8. They taught them to trust
There will be times when you doubt yourself. Stay grounded, have hope in the goodness of all things. And always trust yourself above all else.
Family coach Judy Helm Wright explained, "People who have confidence in their personal worth are magnets for success and happiness everywhere they go. As parents and caring adults, you want to share methods and techniques to build self-confidence with the young people in your circle of influence."
9. They taught them that they are more than their mistakes
On the road to success and happiness, you will make many mistakes. Recognize that it’s inevitable and just part of the human condition. You are not your mistakes, so try not to beat yourself up. Give yourself the loving kindness you extend to others.
Most importantly, continue to take chances and be grateful for all of life’s experiences. Fail fast and move on. You can recover from little mishaps, even big ones, and learn a lot by becoming a much stronger woman.
10. They made sure they always felt supported
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If you get into a jam or you have difficulty of any kind, you have someone to turn to. It doesn’t matter if you’re 16 or 46. I may not always give you the answer, but I will listen, and we can find a solution to any problem together.
11. They taught them their inherent value
Never shy away from something you want. Promote your strengths and contributions with authority. Speak your truth, ask for a raise, and get your needs met in your relationships. You deserve every opportunity and every happiness. Proudly tell people about your accomplishments. Get used to tooting your own horn.
Psychotherapist Janet Whitney recommended acknowledging "every positive event, experience, or interaction you experience each day. This can be done with your partner, your kids, or just a mental check-in with yourself. You can give yourself credit immediately after a good experience or a pleasant encounter."
12. They taught that happiness depends on themselves
A fancy car, beautiful house, heaps of cash, or perfect-looking family will not bring you lasting happiness. Happiness resides in you, not outside of you or in your accomplishments.
You have the power to make your day great and your dreams come true. Take responsibility for your feelings, your thoughts, and your actions and outcomes.
13. They taught kindness
In the children’s book, Wonder, R.J. Palacio writes, “When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind.” Kindness matters. The decision in a moment to be kind — offering a helping hand and a compassionate, generous heart will not only positively impact someone else, but it will change your life, too.
Most of all, be gentle with yourself. If you lead with kindness all around, you’ll live a much happier, meaningful life.
14. They always loved their daughters, no matter what
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Above all else, remember that I love you. I’ll be there with my invisible string, cheering you on, whispering affirmations in your ear, and holding space for you to be the best you can be.
If you share these pieces of wisdom with your daughter — and model them yourself, she will thrive in her young adulthood and beyond. You’ll be giving her the priceless gift of self-worth and opening the doors to greater confidence, success, and life-long joy.
Building a daughter's confidence one conversation at a time: Somehow, through all of the upheaval during puberty, girls get socialized into the notion of perfection. They get it in their heads that they can’t or shouldn’t do certain things. There are not enough. Research described how this "perfect storm" is leveraged by social media to worsen the problem.
They grow up to become women who continually underestimate their abilities and struggle with self-doubt and self-respect at every turn, whether it’s something like bringing up a conflicting opinion in a conversation, going for their dream job, or initiating a relationship.
A "less than" view of themselves could ultimately cost girls and women fulfillment and success.
The good news is that self-assurance and self-worth can be reacquired. It’s time that we became the enablers of our daughter’s confidence; something that’s the most important determinant of her future, even more critical than intelligence.
Mom, the bond you and your daughter share is the most consequential, and your words matter more than anyone else’s. Empower her now by sending her wise messages that will up her chances of becoming a self-assured, happy, and healthy woman. And, even if you’re not a mother, you can still make a huge difference in a girl’s life by sharing the secret to success.
Lisa Petsinis is a certified life coach who works with dedicated moms who want to give their best to their families and create a life they’ll love.
