5 Things Old-School Parents Let Kids Figure Out That Parents Today Obsessively Micromanage
AI generated Image Old-school parents know the importance of letting kids do things for themselves. Otherwise, the learning process is impeded, and kids tend to struggle more. Research even showed that there are already enough underlying day-to-day stressors around raising kids, so why add more?
You'd do anything for your kids, and sometimes that means not doing things for your kids. Unfortunately, a lot of these freedoms kids once had are now tracked, supervised, and managed within an inch of their lives — often by loving parents who are just trying to do everything right.
Here are five things old-school parents let kids figure out that parents today obsessively micromanage:
1. Doing their homework
It's a familiar scene: your little one at the kitchen table, frustrated and unfocused on their math assignment, and they just can't figure it out. Or their reading project is so boring. It's all too easy to want to jump in, give the answers, and finish things on your kid's behalf. Because let's be honest: it's quick. It's easy parenting for you. It's a way to stop the complaining, and then your kid will get a good grade, right?
I encourage you to stop doing your kid's homework. What will happen if you don't? Maybe they won't finish it, and they learn a lesson in responsibility when their teacher confronts them. Maybe they'll figure it out on their own, and that's exactly what they should be doing. Or maybe they'll get the answers wrong and have a little learning to do.
For more encouragement, life coach Leslie Ferris added, "By allowing kids their small failures, we inadvertently give them the gift of learning how to become capable of handling their affairs themselves. This can seem very counterintuitive for us as parents, as we may think that if they fail, they will feel incapable. However, it is in learning from the mistake and getting it right the next time that strength is gained."
Lend a helping hand to encourage them in the right direction once in a while, but put the number two pencil down, parents. You've already been through school.
2. Over-enrolling in sports and activities
Monkey Business Images via Shutterstock
Got a little dude who loves baseball and soccer? Great, sign him up for both if he's truly dedicated and interested in both sports. But I urge you not to fill up your kids' schedules with every activity and sport available just for the sake of enriching their lives.
It's good to get them interested in a variety of things, but kids can also be overwhelmed with a full calendar of things to do with little downtime to just be. Besides, all of that running around after school can be really stressful for you as a parent.
Personal coach Caroline Maguire explained, "When children find activities they enjoy and excel at, they gain confidence in themselves and their abilities, which creates a sense of security and belonging. When parents actively help their kids identify interests and create space for them to pursue activities where they feel competent, children develop a stronger sense of self-worth. This confidence becomes the safety net that allows them to come to their parents when things aren't going well."
Stick with a couple of activities your kids truly love and devote your time to those; don't collect guilt from other over-planning parents just because little Audrey isn't in gymnastics, Tae Kwon Do, the math club, drama, and ballet like Jessica next door. Jessica sounds like she needs a nap.
3. Emailing their kids' teacher
These days, it's way too easy to shoot off a quick email to your kid's teacher about this or that. Is Jack doing okay today with his social skills? Can he be seated further away from Ian, because they just talk all day, and you know, Jack just isn't paying attention? Did he finish his lunch today, or did he trade it for a Twinkie?
I get it. I've done it, too. But step away from the laptop, keyboard crusaders. Your kid is fine, and their fully capable teacher will let you know if there's anything she feels you should be aware of in class. Remember back when we were kids? No email. How often do you think our parents were sending handwritten notes to the teacher? Let's let the teachers do their jobs and focus on the kids, not their email inbox.
4. Volunteering for everything
CarlosBarquero via Shutterstock
OK, this one is touchy. Let me start by saying that I firmly believe every parent should volunteer for something at their child's school. Research supported that volunteering alongside your kids is beneficial for developing values and civic participation because your kids love seeing you and having your involvement, but beware of over-committing: If you give an hour of your time once or twice a month and that feels right, that's fantastic. But don't take on huge projects that will have you stressed out and over-committed. Know your limits.
Just because you want to be helpful doesn't mean your schedule always allows for it. Be prepared to have to say no sometimes in order to keep your sanity. Do what you can to help, but don't feel guilty for not running for PTA president.
5. Comparing themselves to other parents
So you've conquered the whole not-comparing-your-kid-to-other-kids thing, but what about yourself? Are you feeling guilty because you're not the Little League coach this year? You don't make your kid read for 30 minutes every night? You only brought a container of strawberries for the class party when the other moms made Pinterest-worthy cupcakes frosted with rainbow fondant they hand-rolled themselves?
So what? Give yourselves a break, moms and dads. Do your best, love your kids, let them know you're there and that you care. Do those things. You're great. Stop feeling less-than. Be a little easier on yourself and on your kiddos. You and your kids will benefit.
Gina Cohen is a writer in the Seattle area. A viral lifestyle blogger with work published in The Washington Post, MSN, Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Woman's Day, and more.
