6 Things Happy Parents Do Alone Without Feeling Guilty About It
Karola G | Canva Self-care isn't something that most busy moms think about. As a mom, you give your whole self to your family. Some days, it can feel like you have nothing more to give. After a full day of work and child-rearing, you can find yourself walking around like a zombie, picking up toys from the floor, folding yet another load of laundry, and wiping up spilled drinks. By the time you've read your last bedtime story and tucked in the kids for the third time, you're ready to drop.
Most self-care tips you've probably read would advise getting up early to squeeze in a little "me time" — it can go a long way. But you've got lunches to make and yourself to make presentable, so that time can get eaten up quickly, too. Figuring out how to deal with stress as a busy mom when you're already overloaded and have no time for yourself feels so impossible.
What would it feel like to feel refreshed, energized, and ready to embrace your day with a smile? Sounds pretty great, right? You're trying your best to give your kids everything, but you're not actually succeeding because you're not taking care of yourself. And, you're too burned out to notice. Here's the one thing you need to always remember: Self-care isn't selfish. Learning how to manage stress by doing these things alone, without your kids, will result in a happier parent.
Here are 6 things happy parents do alone without feeling guilty about it:
1. Build tiny moments of joy into their daily routine
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When you learn to live a mindful life, you notice more and feel gratitude for the little things that bring you joy. Instead of listening to repetitive news and weather reports while you're on your way to work, sing along to your favorite uplifting tunes. Put on a self-help podcast while you're fluffing your towels and choose to watch a comedy show over the same political commentary program. Or, have a dance party with your kids. It will give you a chance to let loose, and they will love seeing you having so much fun.
2. Take a solo yoga or stretching session
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Even if you don't have the time, money, or energy to take off to a regular yoga class, you don't have to say goodbye to the idea of getting grounded and connecting with your breath. Put out some mats or blankets, turn on a self-guided video, and you'll feel a little calmer by the end of it. An eight-week yoga intervention study found that participants showed very large and stable effects in stress reduction. Whether it's a full class or just 10 minutes on your living room floor, the combination of movement, breath work, and mindfulness creates measurable benefits for your mental health.
3. Use a mindfulness app
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If you're having trouble making time for yourself, there's an application that can flag you throughout the day and encourage you to stop, breathe, and think: Stop, Breathe & Think. This one is pretty kid-friendly, too, and there are many others like HeadSpace, Calm, 10% Happier, and Meditation Studio. For a few minutes a day, you can build positive habits, feel more relaxed, and create greater self-compassion.
Research shows that brief daily mindfulness practice using an app can effectively reduce stress in everyday life, with reductions in stress appearing as early as week two of practice. For just a few minutes a day, you can build positive habits and create greater self-compassion.
4. Sit alone in the car before pick-up
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Running on empty into the daycare or school to pick up your child is not likely to generate pleasant feelings for either of you. Before you get out of the car, give yourself five minutes to let go of the day and regroup. You'll feel recharged, ready for hugs and kisses, and 100 percent prepared to focus on them. Studies on emotion regulation in parenting emphasize that caregivers need to manage their own emotions to satisfy the needs of children and promote long-term ability to self-regulate.
5. Take a long, luxurious bath
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You know how much your kids love a good bubble bath with hints of bubble gum, lavender, or chamomile — and how much better they sleep afterwards. The same goes for you. Once the kids are asleep, pour yourself a nice bath with the salts your best friend made you and layer on a face mask. If you can only spare ten minutes before you have to crash out for the night, so be it. You'll be feeling fresh and looking radiant.
6. Give themselves a parent timeout when they need it
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You might ask your children to take a little time in their comfy chair to cool down after a tantrum. Who says you need to keep it all together all the time and be like an Energizer Bunny? When you need a breather, tell your kids that mommy is having a time-out. Get yourself some herbal tea, get lost in the calming scent, and float away — if only for a few minutes.
Even if you're a super busy mom, you can melt away your stresses and give yourself a few minutes a day to focus solely on you. Incorporate some of these ideas, or create some of your own — and don't feel guilty about giving yourself some love. You're doing it for yourself and them.
Lisa Petsinis is an ICF-credentialed life and career transition coach. Her bylines have appeared on Psych Central, The Good Men Project, Parade, Prevention, The Minds Journal, PopSugar, and All4Women, as well as many others.
