12 Questions Responsible Adults Ask Themselves Before Deciding They're Ready To Have A Baby
It's essential to prepare before welcoming a new life into this world.
Look Studio | Shutterstock You may have dreamed of being the fun aunt and never wanted children, or perhaps you've always wanted children and can't wait to have kids of your own. Either way, you won't really know if you're ready for children until you truly think introspectively and have a conversation with your partner.
Because having a child is a transformative event in your life that requires a lot of responsibility, there are questions responsible adults ask themselves before deciding they're ready to have a baby. You need to make sure that having one is something you not only really want, but are ready for. You might not feel completely ready, but being in the right mindset and following all the proper steps is essential.
Here are 12 questions responsible adults ask themselves before deciding they're ready to have a baby
1. How are your finances?
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Perhaps one of the most important questions responsible adults ask themselves before deciding they're ready to have a baby is whether or not their finances are in order. Because welcoming a child into the world means understanding how to manage and save your money.
Having a baby is a big investment as it takes a lot of supplies, clothes, diapers, food, and more to successfully raise a child. In fact, multiple reports suggest that it costs anywhere from $310K to $600K to raise a child from birth to the age of 17. And according to money expert Kimmie Greene, it's a good idea to have at least a year's salary put away before giving birth.
2. Can you imagine not going out all the time or having time to yourself?
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Free time is something you'll lose once you have a child. You'll have to be okay with forgoing the fun activities you once enjoyed doing — not inevitably, but for the foreseeable future. You need to be willing to sacrifice nights out with friends or spontaneous trips to the movies. You'll also have to largely sacrifice "me time," like treating yourself to a shopping spree or getting your nails done.
According to clinical hypnotherapist and spiritual life coach Keya Murthy, you'll know you're ready when can create the time, space, and money to take of another human 100%. She explained, "The biggest signs that you are ready to have a baby is when you and your partner love yourself equally and you have a support structure," as well as "being financially stable with a healthy savings account and at least one steady source of income to keep up your lifestyle."
3. Can you handle a temper tantrum?
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Babies will cry at just about anything, so if you can't handle crying or temper tantrums, consider it a red flag. Kicking, screaming, and yelling are inevitable in a fussy baby. If you don't think you can handle that, you're likely not quite ready.
Because, according to pediatric emergency medicine physician Melanie L. Pitone, "All newborns cry and get fussy sometimes. It's normal for a baby to cry for 2–3 hours a day for the first 6 weeks. During the first 3 months of life, they cry more than at any other time." So, it's not just a newborn that will keep you up all night.
4. Are you okay with your plans being canceled unexpectedly?
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If you're the type of person to have plans made in advance, having a baby can throw off your expectations. Predictability isn't something present in most parents' lives, so having a child means being comfortable with the chance of plans being canceled, no matter how many months in advance they were made.
According to Murthy, a big indicator that you aren't ready to have a baby is when you have the slightest doubt of caring for another human more than you care for yourself. "When your baby arrives, your life seemingly goes out the window and your needs are put to a halt because a baby is here and is totally dependent on you," she said. "If you know you cannot be there for your baby 100%, do not have a baby."
5. Are you comfortable asking for help?
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Not everyone can raise a baby on their own. If you've ever heard the saying "it takes a village," that's because it really does. Between your parents, a close friend, and babysitters, you'll need a lot of help while raising a child. That means you need to be comfortable asking for help, because you won't be able to do everything on your own, even if you do have the help of your partner.
As pediatric nurse Carissa Stephens explained, "It's only human to feel like we're imposing on others by asking for a hand. But attempting to power through baby care single-handedly can leave you feeling overwhelmed and alone. Parenting your new little one requires extreme amounts of energy and fortitude, and it's absolutely OK if you're not able to muster them at the moment."
6. Does being needed by someone give you the ick?
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One of the questions responsible adults ask themselves before deciding they're ready to have a baby relates to whether or not they can handle being needed by someone else. For some, feeling needed can feel special and rewarding. However, others get uncomfortable when they know someone needs their help all the time.
If you can't stand when someone genuinely depends on you on a daily basis, that's a red flag that you can't commit to a baby. Children will make you feel uncomfortable and you won't be able to give them the attention they require.
7. Does staying at home sound better than traveling?
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Depending on your financial status, when you have a baby, vacations or trips become extremely rare, as all time and energy is dedicated to your child. While family vacations are always an option, expect your downtime to look a lot different than what you're used to.
"Most people on vacation never think much about this — that the need for your own personal time doesn't magically disappear just because you're away from home. It doesn't. And if you don't take this into account in your vacation planning, you may find people get psychologically and emotionally worn down as the vacation progresses," psychologist Dr. John Grohol pointed out.
8. Does your body require a full night's sleep?
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Along with finances, questions responsible adults ask themselves before deciding they're ready to have a baby revolve around sleep. Do you need a full night of rest? Are you comfortable with a changing sleep schedule where you may not get as much rest as you're used to?
A survey from Snuz revealed that "7 in 10 parents are losing an average of three hours' sleep every night in their baby's first year — the equivalent of losing a phenomenal 133 night's worth of sleep (based on the average 7-9 recommended hours) before their baby turns 1."
9. Are you and your current partner having relationship problems?
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If your answer is yes, this might be the most obvious indicator that you aren't ready for a child. Because if you're already having problems, a baby certainly won't fix anything.
If the two of you have a hard time communicating or are facing endless issues that you can't seem to resolve, a child should be the last thing you prioritize. It's also essential to understand where your partner stands on even having kids.
10. Do you even like kids?
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The answer to this question should come very fast to mind if you actually enjoy the company of children. If it's an immediate no, and you dislike kids and find them to be a nuisance, you will certainly have trouble adjusting with a child of your own.
But it's not just enjoying being around your own child — you have to be comfortable with the presence of kids other than your own once your child gets old enough to attend school.
11. Do you think you'll be able to share your space?
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When you have a child, there are a lot of things you need to buy to entertain and calm them. You'll have a lot of different furniture pieces only meant for your baby, and their stuff will take up a lot of space. It's a good sign if you're willing to share that space with all of your baby's needs.
However, if you aren't willing to sacrifice your space and environment, feeling overwhelmed or stressed at the sheer amount of "stuff" around, you might want to hold off. Because having a kid means messes are unavoidable.
12. Can you function without having some quiet time to yourself?
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Children are notoriously loud and needy. If you're the type of person who needs some quiet time each and every day, you're in for a rude awakening. Having a baby takes a lot of time and dedication, and you have to be willing to give up your alone time.
Parenting comes with lots of sacrifices, and while it's possible to get "me time" on occasion, your child's needs come first. If your alone time is non-negotiable, you aren't ready. Period.
Megan Hatch is a multimedia journalist whose bylines have appeared on Medium, Patch, BuzzFeed, SAGE Publishing, Voice of America, as well as dozens of independent television and online publications.
