If You Heard These 8 Magic Phrases As A Child, You Were Raised By Deeply Loving Parents
The words we grow up hearing shape how we see ourselves and the world.
ferrantraite | Canva Compliments given to children often center on their looks and little, if anything, else. Hearing about looks more than other aspects can leave the nuances of children’s individuality unacknowledged and under-appreciated.
Ironically, giving young children praise only for their looks can wind up contributing to self-esteem issues. It’s never too early to treat children like complete people with personalities, interests, needs, and feelings.
If you heard these 8 magic phrases as a child, you were raised by deeply loving parents:
Toddlers
1. 'I love your artwork'
Many toddlers love to color and are encouraged to play with paints, crayons, and markers. If a young child shows you their drawings or wants to color with you, compliment their artwork and ask them to tell you about their creations.
When a parent shows genuine interest and positive feedback for their child's self-expression. The child feels accepted for who they are, which is crucial for developing a healthy sense of self-worth.
2. 'Can I play with you?'
Anyone who has spent an afternoon with a typical two or three-year-old will notice they like to engage in play. Asking if you can play with toddlers and engaging with them on their level recognizes their independence and brings you into their world.
A parent taking the initiative to play with their child demonstrates a commitment to understanding their child's world and fostering affection. Research has found that this is strongly linked to a secure attachment style and a child's long-term happiness and emotional well-being.
Elementary School
3. 'Congratulations on your report card'
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This affirmation will mean a lot to many children. Given the gender gap in the sciences and math, it can only help to encourage and complement children about those subjects starting right away when they enter school.
The most effective praise is often specific and acknowledges effort rather than innate ability. By focusing on a child's hard work, good strategies, parents can encourage a growth mindset, motivating children to take on challenges and view intelligence as something that can be developed.
4. 'I’ve really enjoyed talking to you'
Genuine remarks like this meant the world to me when I was in grade school. Hearing from adults that I was able to hold their attention in conversation made my heart swell and did wonders for my self-esteem. Demonstrating to kids that you value what they say lets them know they deserve to be heard in a world that will try to silence them.
This phrase reflects an emotional bond where the parent found joy in the child's company, signaling a healthy and supportive relationship. Studies show a strong connection between childhood parental warmth and flourishing in adulthood, even after controlling for other factors.
Middle School
5. 'I’d love to hear what you’re up to these days'
We should let teens tell us what interests them instead of assuming they want to chat about their crushes. By showing an investment in teens' interests outside of crushes, we can foster the idea that they are interesting and important regardless of their love lives.
Children who feel consistently seen and heard by their parents often develop higher self-esteem and greater emotional security. On the other hand, those without such attentive parenting may struggle with confidence, social issues, and feelings of alienation.
6. 'You’re a really good friend'
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School is a very difficult time for a child's social life (speaking as a former lonely nerd). Letting a child know that you notice they care about their friends and treat them well will emphasize the importance of healthy relationships and may provide an opportunity for them to open up if they are having trouble with friends.
Deeply loving parents provide affection and support that is not dependent on a child's achievements, creating a secure and nurturing environment. A 2022 study found that children raised in such an environment often develop greater social confidence and the ability to form positive relationships with peers, a skill developed through positive interactions with their parents.
High School
7. 'I admire your leadership abilities'
Whether they lead in sports, music, academics, or even at home with their siblings, we should go out of our way to tell children that we notice their confidence and ability to lead others. This will be a great message for them to internalize as they enter college or the workforce.
Encouraging a child's effort, strategies, and persistence. Praising the process allows children to develop confidence and resilience to face challenges.
8. 'I’m so proud of the way you overcame adversity'
Every single child will have struggles. It could be as big and serious as an eating disorder or depression, or as common as a fight with their closest friend. It is easy to forget how difficult it is to cope and work through trying times as a child.
Parents expressing pride in their child's ability to overcome adversity is a hallmark of deeply loving and effective parenting. Research supports that this type of praise builds a child's resilience, confidence, and internal motivation.
Elizabeth King is a journalist and freelance writer. She has been featured in GEN Magazine, Medium, Business Insider, The Independent, The Washington Post, and more.
