11 Things 'Phone Zombie' Parents Do Without Even Realizing How Bad It Looks
They overlook their kids' needs in favor of misguided coping mechanisms.
Kaspars Grinvalds | Shutterstock Research shows that parental phone usage can negatively affect children's emotional intelligence, but it's not just emotional regulation and self-awareness that struggle in a home riddled with screen time. In fact, many of the things "phone zombie" parents do without even realizing how bad it looks subtly undermine their authority, connection with their children, and general affection at home.
Especially considering the mere presence of a phone is distracting in relationships and conversations, according to a Scientific Reports study, parents who lack intentionality around their screen time could be inflicting more harm on their kids than they realize. Whether it's a parent-child relationship or another intimate connection, phones have their benefits for connection, but require boundaries and intention to use healthily.
Here are 11 things 'phone zombie' parents do without even realizing how bad it looks
1. Scrolling during family dinner
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According to family therapist Anne Fishel, in the age of digital technology and cell phones, family dinners are incredibly powerful for boosting connection, communication, and security in households with children. Not only are parents cooking with their hands in an intentional labor of love, but their children benefit on multiple levels — from boasting better academic achievement, to cultivating stronger friendships outside of the home, and even experiencing more positive psychological outcomes.
That's why scrolling on their phones at dinner is one of the things "phone zombie" parents do without even realizing how bad it looks. They're actively dismissing their kids and sabotaging the connection a family dinner would typically bring, at the expense of their relationships at home.
2. Filming everything
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Whether it's a field trip during the day or spending quality time with their kids, "phone zombie" parents who film everything, rather than being present with their kids, tend to sabotage true connection.
Not only do they put a buffer between things like eye contact and intentional conversation that aid strong relationship interactions, they also put more information about their children online than they'd otherwise be willing to share with a stranger in person.
3. Half-listening in conversations
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Distracted by their phones or scrolling through social media, half-listening to their kids is something that "phone zombie" parents do often without realizing how bad it looks. Like a study from Current Opinion in Psychology explains, parents who commit to actively listening to and supporting their kids without distraction increase their well-being, boost relationship closeness, and equip them with autonomy.
However, parents who are endlessly distracted by their phones and prioritize screen time over connection with their kids often leave them feeling insecure, unsupported, and alone. Not only do they grow up with unmet needs and expectations of healthy relationships, but they also likely resent their parents later in life.
4. Scrolling in the pick-up line
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Rather than greeting their kids with a smile and general enthusiasm, "zombie parents" instead let their kids see their phones before they see their faces. Even if it's picking them up from school or sitting in the parking lot, they regularly avoid the benefits — like provoking positive behaviors and strengthening their bonds — that other parents reap by greeting their kids with a smile.
Of course, some parents with busy schedules and a million things on their plates can't help but check their email or respond to texts when they have a moment of free time. However, balancing the consequences your children face from being around a "phone zombie" and the benefits of getting 10 minutes of work done should always be an internal consideration.
5. Walking and scrolling
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Quality time will always be more important than quantity when it comes to family relationships. So, if you're spending hours together with your kids every evening, but scrolling on your phone the whole time, chances are they'll be worse off than the children of a parent who spends an hour of intentional time together every week.
Even if it's going for a walk or bringing their kids to school, being present is key for productive conversation and connection. That's why walking and scrolling on their phones is one of the things "phone zombie" parents do without even realizing how bad it looks.
6. Using their phones as a babysitter
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If a person is using an iPad as a distraction for their child at dinner or giving them their phone to avoid quality time, chances are they're a "phone zombie" parent who cares more about their own comfort than intentionality.
Of course, screen time and cell phones have their own array of consequences for young children during development, from cognitive issues to social setbacks, but things as seemingly innocent as background noise from a television can be harmful, according to a study from Cureus.
7. Posting about family time instead of having it
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Many people underestimate the risks of sharing information about their children online, but that's not the only consequence these "phone zombie" parents face when constantly posting on social media and oversharing. Even if it's simply missing out on the benefits of quality time with their kids — posting about it, rather than having it — they perpetuate a narrative and compare themselves to others online that sabotages their self-esteem.
Rather than crafting their own unique relationship with their kids and finding a routine that works best for them, they instead compare themselves to other families and parents without considering how bad it actually looks and feels for their own family.
8. Prioritizing their phone over their kids' needs
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When a child runs up to their parents and asks for help or expresses an emotion, only to be shut down with a "be quiet" or "shhh" by their distracted parent, those kids subtly learn that their parents don't care. At first, they may engage in toxic attention-seeking behaviors to grab their parents' attention, but as they grow older, they often lean into avoidance and grow resentful of their relationships at home.
Of course, not every parent who's distracted by their phone doesn't care about their children's needs or happiness, but to a developing kid who may not know any better, it's a misguided belief that they're cemented with.
9. Missing small milestones
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Whether it's their child's first steps or their teenagers' living room performances, missing small milestones is one of the things "phone zombie" parents do without even realizing how bad it looks. They're so consumed in their phone — sometimes for comfort, but other times because of obligation or stress — that they miss the little moments that mean the most.
Even in a family relationship, the little things are what define its well-being — offering up space for parents and kids to express gratitude, make each other feel seen, and grow closer together.
10. Criticizing their kids' phone time
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Ironically, it's often parents who spend too much time on their phones or indulge in screen time that condemn their kids for always being sucked into technology. In some cases, they're projecting their own insecurities or fears about screen time onto their kids, and in others, it's purely a case of ignorance or misguided superiority.
If these conversations and "call-outs" aren't begging for enough resentment and conflict already, children who grow up with too much screen time or parental distractions also tend to struggle with behavioral issues stemming from a lack of emotional regulation. So, they're not only more angry at the hypocrisy of their parents as they get older, they find it harder to have productive and connecting conversations with them about it.
11. Ignoring meltdowns
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Rather than helping their kids cope with complex emotions and teaching them to emotionally regulate themselves in a healthy way, "phone zombie" parents instead avoid their kids' needs and even model more toxic self-soothing strategies by spending all their energy on scrolling.
They're likely using their phones as a buffer to internal dysregulation and stress themselves, so it's not entirely surprising that they avoid their kids' meltdowns and misbehavior — they don't know how to deal with it healthily themselves.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
