No Matter How Old You Get, 11 Specific Things Will Probably Make Your Parents Cry
Dubova | Shutterstock No matter how old you are, your parents want to feel loved and important, and too often they do not. This may be hard for adult kids to understand because, in their shared past, the parent was the one driving connection and togetherness.
As you grow up, your parents want you to feel empowered to set more of the terms in your relationship. This transition can be stressful, and parents sometimes cry over a few of these changes. Some of these are totally preventable while others are inevitable, but all can be handled with grace in order to avoid truly hurting one another.
11 things people of all ages do that make their parents cry
1. Moving far away
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If your parents seemed a little too emotional when you moved far away for college, a job or anything else, be assured that this is common and natural.
Witnessing their kids' transition into adulthood is bittersweet for parents. They’re proud of their adult children for starting the next chapter of their lives, but they also feel a deep sense of loss.
Parents understand that their children need to lay down roots on their terms, still, they can’t help but feel like they’re no longer needed. The fear that physical distance will turn into emotional distance can make parents cry. It’s a heavy fear, one they don’t need to carry alone.
Ultimately, parents know their adult children’s independence is an achievement. They want their kids to thrive, no matter how far away that journey takes them. Watching their kids spread their wings is a testament to how well they raised them.
2. Being too busy to spend time together
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Similar to moving far away, parents are sad when their kids get super busy and can't hang out often. Yes, they want you to be happy and independent, but they naturally miss you because they love you!
Parents acknowledge their adult children have lives of their own to tend to, but they want to be involved in those lives. Every unanswered text and missed call makes parents feel cast aside, like they’re not worth their children’s time.
It’s important for parents to respect their adult children’s boundaries, but it’s equally as important for adult children to let their parents into their lives. Relationships can't be repaired unless everything’s out in the open, which means parents have let their kids into their lives, as well.
3. Dismissing their dreams
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If you've laughed at or dismissed a dream (wild or not) of your parents, it's likely they were very hurt.
Many parents put their own dreams on hold to give their kids the best life possible. They never got a chance to backpack through the French countryside or walk along the Great Wall of China.
When parents share their deferred dreams, only to have their adult children brush them aside, it makes them sad. Of course it does!
Parents don’t have to stop investing in themselves just because they’re getting on in years. They can still learn new things, find adventure, and discover who they want to be for the rest of their lives.
4. Not caring about their past
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When their kids are young, parents often feel like they lose their sense of identity, outside of being a parent. They devote time, energy, and all their attention to what their kids want, so that they can flourish. This is natural and they're happy to do it.
But when your parents try to talk about their past, just like their hopes and dreams, it's important to listen and really hear them. Now that you're an adult, they would love to connect with you and be seen as a fellow adult rather than just the grown-ups who fed and clothed you as a kid.
It makes them sad to be dismissed, as if they aren't full-fleshed adults themselves.
Parents tell stories about their past as a way to remember, but it’s also a way to bridge the years between them and their adult children and find common ground. This can be an amazing opportunity for grown kids, and you really don't want to miss out on it.
5. Minimizing their health concerns
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It can be hard for adult children to accept that their parents are getting older, so they declare their parents are being dramatic every time they share a new health concern. But getting older often means having more health issues, and it makes their parents sad to hear their kids tease about it or dismiss them.
By refusing to acknowledge their parents’ concerns, adult children deny them a chance to process the complex emotions that come along with any health scare. It might be painful for adult children to watch their parents age in real-time, but pretending it isn’t happening only makes it worse.
Holding space for their declining health is a way adult children can support their parents. Entering those uncharted waters alongside their parents is a gift adult children can give them.
6. Criticizing how they parented
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Every parent makes mistakes, including yours. And you have every right to talk about the ways in which parts of your childhood hurt or affected you. But it's all about how you do it.
Hearing that they disappointed their kids is incredibly difficult for parents. Sometimes, parents get defensive and lash out because they’re so distressed. Other times, they minimize what their children went through, telling them it wasn’t so bad. Both those reactions make repair even harder to reach.
Hearing that these things hurt their kids is going to make your parents sad and they will likely cry. With that in mind, you should consider how and when you talk about it, so you can maximize the best chances at growth and healing after it's all resolved.
7. Taking their generosity for granted
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As children reach adulthood, the family dynamic inevitably shifts from 100% parental involvement to a slow weaning into total independence. Parents walk a thin line of wanting to support their children unconditionally and wanting them to learn how to take responsibility for themselves.
That's why it makes them so sad when their grown kids take advantage of their generosity, or simply don't acknowledge it. After all, their parents worked hard to earn their money and their home (and likely still do work hard) and it's sad when that goes ignored or is dismissed.
Parents who extend themselves for their adult children want their actions to be acknowledged. They want to know that their kids have enough emotional maturity and intelligence to know that simply saying, “I appreciate you” goes a long way.
Even better, tell your parents that you hope, someday, to be able to care for them, too.
8. Holding grudges
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While most parents accept that making mistakes is an unavoidable part of raising kids, they also hope their adult children will give them grace for what went wrong in the past. By holding a grudge against their parents from something they no longer have control over, adult children entrench themselves in such deep anger, it can feel impossible for anyone to move on.
That doesn't you need to immediately forget everything your parents did that hurt you in the past. Some things definitely need to be discussed. But if your parents have apologized and have empathy for your experience, continuing to behave in a way that hurts them is unfair and unkind.
Grudges keep people stuck in the depths of their pain. And if that pain is something an adult child can't get past, it's probably a good time to reach out to a qualified family therapist or counselor to help in the healing process.
9. Forgetting the little things
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When adult children forget the small details that make their parents unique, it brings tears to their parents’ eyes. Sometimes, they internalize their adult children’s unintentional forgetfulness, until they feel like they don’t matter at all.
For example, if your mom can't eat gluten and you buy her a cake that she's allergic to, she will likely feel very hurt. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but to her it's about more than the cake, it's about how little you considered her when buying the cake.
This may seem petty to a child looking at their 50, 60 or even 70 year-old parent, but humans are sensitive and that doesn't just go away. Parents want to feel loved and seen by the people they love, including their grown kids.
10. Abandoning family traditions
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No matter how old you get, abandoning family traditions will likely make your parents cry. Traditions teach younger kids important family values, and eventually become associated with those values.
As a result, having consistent routines and traditions connects parents and kids on a deeper level. They're a way to mark the passing of time and give life meaning.
Yes, it’s important for parents to accept that family dynamics will inevitably change as their kids grow up. Staying flexible and keeping an open mind can help parents navigate how their family traditions evolve. But kids can also keep in mind that these things are meaningful and not to be given up lightly.
11. Not saying ‘I love you’
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Sometimes, kids stop saying “I love you” as they get older, and they assume that their parents still know how much they care about them. The truth is, those three words mean more to people as they age, not less.
Even if your parents are totally aware of your love for them, they still want to hear it said aloud, as it reminds them that the connection is special, and that it still exists.
Parents will always treasure the knowledge that they’re cared for and loved by their children, no matter how old they are. If something important like this dissipates and eventually disappears, parents may wonder if the child even cares, and that is just heartbreaking.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
