If Your Adult Child Avoids These 11 Questions, They're Hiding Something Serious
Most parents don't realize just how much their adult children aren't saying.
tsyhun | Shutterstock As children grow and step more into adulthood, the relationship they have with their parents tends to change as a result of their burgeoning independence. Parents go from watching their child's every move, making sure they're landing on their feet, and teaching them lessons they'll take into their life as they grow up. As kids grow older, parents start to notice all of the different ways their relationship evolves. Instead of asking if they got their homework done or are eating their vegetables, the questions soon change to how work is going and if they're getting enough sleep.
While most adult kids will happily indulge the questions their parents are asking, sometimes they can make them squirm and withhold information. Whether it's about their mental health or eating habits, if your adult child avoids these questions, they're hiding something serious. It might be a parent's instinct to get frustrated by the lack of openness from their child, but it's best to engage with empathy and wanting to help them, even if you don't necessarily know what's going on.
If your adult child avoids these 11 questions, they're hiding something serious
1. 'How are your finances?'
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Money can be one of the toughest conversations between parents and their adult children, especially considering how many young adults struggle with their finances. According to a January 2025 survey by Credit One Bank, 39% of Gen Z adults said they feel stressed about their finances, which is the highest of any generation. Gen Z individuals also reported the lowest levels of confidence and control over their money.
If you're asking your adult child about their finances and they're actively dodging the question or giving an answer that seems way too vague, it might mean they're dealing with money problems that they're a bit ashamed to admit. But the thing is, financial struggles are extremely common, especially in the society we're living in now.
As a young adult, you're not expected to always have it figured out, but their pride and shame can make it hard for them to lay all of their cards on the table.
2. 'When was the last time you felt at peace?'
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If your adult child avoids answering this question or just giving a vague answer, they're hiding something serious and are struggling to find peace in their adult life. Peace is more about existing in a quiet space, but about your mental and emotional well-being as well. Sometimes the lack of peace comes from the fact that they're stressed or anxious.
Whether it be from juggling work, their finances, or other pressures that are happening in their personal life, it's preventing them from being able to relax. When life just feels overwhelming all of the time, it can be hard to pinpoint exactly when things are actually calm, so they may just avoid the question entirely because it's uncomfortable to admit that they haven't known peace for a long time.
"Creating a balanced life where self-care is integrated into our daily routines is within reach. Find the inner motivation to change, rise above your saboteurs, and develop a self-care master plan. Take steps to bring out the very best in yourself and those around you," encouraged psychologist Ken Druck.
3. 'How are you really doing?'
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This question can be one that carries a lot of weight for adult children to hear. If you're genuinely asking your child how they are doing and how life is treating them, especially when you don't live with them or they are states or countries away, it can be frustrating to hear their noncommittal responses and quick "I'm fine," before they end up flipping the conversation back to you.
At first, it might not mean anything, but the fact that they aren't trying to unpack can say a lot. It's even more worrying when you see just how many young adults are struggling with their mental health.
According to a survey from the Walton Family Foundation, 42% of Gen Zers struggle with depression, nearly double the rate of Americans over age 25. The struggle they're going through can end up feeling too overwhelming for them to open up to their parents, especially if they don't want to worry them.
4. 'How's work going?'
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When it comes to your adult child, a question about how they're doing at work can cut a bit deeper for them, especially if they're not having a good time. For many adults, work isn't just something they do to earn money — it's their entire identity sometimes. Struggling at work can feel as if they're struggling at life, which is why your adult child may be hesitant to admit that they're unhappy, burnt out, or worse, unemployed.
Dodging the question entirely is their way of trying to avoid the embarrassment of saying that things aren't going well. But the reality is, struggling at work isn't an uncommon thing. In a survey conducted by the Conference Board, overall job satisfaction among U.S. employees increased only 0.4 percentage points in 2023 compared to the year before.
Even if you're responding with love and care, the fear of disappointing their parents can weigh heavily on their minds, meaning they'll completely dodge the question entirely.
5. 'What did you have for dinner last night?'
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If your adult child avoids questions about their meals, they're hiding something serious. It's no secret that eating habits can be a great way to get some insight into how someone's doing emotionally and mentally. If they're constantly skipping meals or just relying on takeout rather than cooking, it could be a sign that something is happening in their day-to-day life that is preventing them from actually taking care of themselves.
When parents are asking their adult children about the meals they've been eating and the dinner they've been making, but their child can't seem to formulate an actual response to that question, it could be a sign that they might be struggling with coping.
They might feel a bit embarrassed to admit that their life isn't steady or peaceful enough for them to actually get in the kitchen and cook, or they're hiding some other habits that can be shameful to admit. Whatever the case may be, it's still clear that there's some sort of struggle they're trying to make peace with, but they're having a hard time being able to admit it to those around them for help and support.
6. 'Do you need any help right now?'
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This can end up being one of the easiest questions that adult children tend to avoid. Even when things aren't fine and they're actively struggling, they might hide it from their parents because they just want to be able to do adulthood on their own.
Many adult children see accepting help from their parents as a step backward, as if they're admitting they're not capable of being able to stand on their own two feet. But that's just not true. Your parents are here to help, no matter if you're 5 or 55.
It can also just be hard to ask for help, but support is everything. "Asking for help is an admission that you're ready for action, prepared to put your dreams to the test, and that is moth-to-the-flame stuff. The trouble with asking for help, in other words, is that you may get it," pointed out behavioral expert Gregg Levoy.
If they have the means to dust you off and help you get back on your feet, it's not going backwards or not being a "real adult" to take them up on that offer. But for many adult children, that avoidance just stems from their pride getting in the way.
But closed mouths don't get fed, even with your parents. They are not going to bang down your door and demand that you accept their help, but they also won't stop worrying either.
7. 'What's something new you've tried?'
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For an adult child who's constantly dodging if they've tried something new in their life, they can end up revealing a lot. Usually, people enjoy being able to not only have new experiences but won't hesitate to share them, whether it's a big or small accomplishment.
When you're asking your child if they've been doing new things in life and they can't seem to give a concrete answer, it might mean that they've stopped pushing themselves or even exploring their interests. It might be because they're dealing with burnout in other areas of their life, like work, that makes it difficult for them to find happiness within other things.
The problem with not being able to explore interests and cultivate new hobbies is that you end up remaining stagnant in life and are struggling to find genuine happiness. That's why it's important for parents to not only be patient but encourage their child to make sure they're stepping outside of their comfort zone and pouring time into themselves to find a bit of joy.
8. 'What do you usually do when you're stressed?'
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Many adults usually deal with stress in some sort of private manner that works for them; sometimes it's things they don't want other people to notice either. But when you're asking your adult child how they're coping with the stress in their life and they can't seem to give a straight answer, it might have more to do with the fact that they don't have anything going on to help with their stress at all.
Avoiding the question could also be their way of refusing to clue their parents into some of the habits they have because they might not be productive or even causing more detriment than anything else. Whether that's the reason or they're just not handling the stress well but want it to seem that they're perfectly fine, it can be worrying for parents to not know how their child is actually doing.
9. 'Why haven't we seen you lately?'
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This question can seem quite casual, as it's just a parent missing their child's company around the house and wondering where they've been recently. But if your adult child avoids this question, they're hiding something serious.
When an adult child ends up brushing off the question entirely or not really giving a clear reason into why they've been absent, it might not be them trying to retreat on purpose but because they're dealing with some mental and emotional turmoil.
"Building a stronger relationship with your adult children is an ongoing process. You'll need patience, respect, and a willingness to evolve. By shifting from a directive role to one of mutual respect, offering support without controlling, and communicating openly, you're likely to create a relationship that's more satisfying for both of you," explained licensed psychotherapist Sharon Martin.
Sometimes, avoiding family isn't about a lack of interest, but about the fact that your child may feel as if they're falling short in some area of their life. Whether it's work, their relationships, money problems, or their own well-being, your child might feel as if they just want to avoid coming home and risk being asked more tough questions in person.
Repeated avoidance definitely shouldn't be brushed off as something light, especially if it's an abnormal behavior from your child. The more they withdraw, the more important it is to notice and take action.
10. 'What's your favorite part of your day?'
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Most people can name at least one moment in their day that brought them even a smidge of satisfaction or happiness, so when you're asking your adult child to open up about something and they can't seem to find anything, it can be concerning. It might be a sign that the small joys of life have started to become few and far in between.
It might be because they're worrying and putting their energy into other things that have captured their time to the point where they can't seem to enjoy the things they used to, or they're experiencing a bit of emotional and mental turmoil that is not allowing them to just relax and breathe.
They may feel like admitting to not having a favorite part of their day will end up showing just how much they're struggling, and to avoid potentially worrying their parents, they just decide to keep it all bottled up instead.
11. 'When was the last time you really felt good about yourself?'
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If your adult child is struggling to answer this question, it could mean that they haven't felt confident or proud of themselves in quite some time. They might feel embarrassed to admit that they're struggling with self-doubt and criticism of who they are because it might mean having to also admit that to themselves.
It's a lot easier to just give a quick answer that conveys self-confidence even when it's not really there. If your adult child is going through a rough season, it can feel as if they aren't accomplishing anything worthwhile because of all the struggle they're experiencing.
If they're falling short in life, it can be hard to not feel like a disappointment, especially when that's not what they envisioned for themselves growing up and yearning for adulthood.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
