How To Develop A Deep Soul Connection With Your Partner

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couple developing soul connection

Do you desire a deep soul connection with your beloved? Have you ever felt like you met your soulmate, but it just didn’t work out?

You thought you found that person who you could create a deep soul connection with and yet, for some reason, it fell apart.

Maybe you couldn’t get past your conflicts, or one of you wasn't emotionally available for a deeper commitment.

RELATED: Why 'Soul Connections' Are Bigger Than Soulmates

The myth of soul connections and finding your soulmate.

One of the most enduring myths about love is that you are destined to be with one special person: your soulmate. When you find that person, you believe all of your relationship problems would fade away.

The myth tells you that you’ll know this person is your soulmate because of how they make you feel. You can’t stop thinking about them. They seem to be able to read your mind.

When you're not with them, you're filled with the excitement and anticipation of when you'll see them again.

And then, for whatever reason, the passion cools, or it turns out that this person is not who you thought they were, and you begin to doubt that soulmates exist.

You guard your heart and are on the lookout for anyone who might be like the one who broke your heart, so you can steer clear of them. Or, you begin to think that since it didn’t work out, a soulmate must be a person who will burn you.

So, now what?

How do you develop a deep soul connection with your future love?

Can you really have a deep soul connection with your soulmate? What do you need to do differently to create the soul-satisfying, long-lasting love you desire?

Sex, attraction, and even love are natural instincts that everyone has. However, long-term, monogamous relationships are not instinctual.

They are a social construct and require a skillset and intention, just like anything you’ve ever studied or learned to do.

Here are 7 ways to develop a soul connection with your partner that will stand the test of time.

1. Develop a clear vision of how you want your relationship to function.

You can’t trust a feeling or an attraction to determine the ideal life partner. Feelings change and attraction wanes. Don’t base your romantic partnership on something as fickle as a feeling.

This doesn't mean that attraction or chemistry is unimportant. It just can’t be the most important item on the list. Instead, you’ll want to get a clear picture of how you want your romantic partnership to function.

What would you like the dynamic between the two of you to be? How do the two of you relate to one another?

Is trust important to you? What about communication? Or freedom?

The key is to create a vision that's inspiring to you. It can’t just be the opposite of what didn’t work in the past.

If trust is important to you because your last three exes lied to you, then your desire for trust is still caught up in the hurt and anger from those experiences.

Take some time to heal your wounds from the heartbreaks you’ve experienced before creating your new vision. Extend forgiveness to yourself and your exes before creating your new blueprint from a clean slate.

When you're ready, write out your vision. Be specific about the relationship but not overly detailed about the person you desire.

It doesn’t matter how tall they are or if they like the same books as you. What really matters is how the relationship functions.

2. Remember that the other person is not you.

It may seem obvious, but the person you're in a relationship with has a completely different background than you.

They have a different internal experience of the world, different mental and emotional patterns, different strategies for dealing with stress, and different ways of handling money and conflict.

It's these differences that can become the glue that holds your relationship together or the chasm that can never be bridged.

When you value the differences between the two of you, this mutual respect and freedom build a deep soul connection that's liberating, not confining.

If you cannot accept the differences between you and your partner, then your love will not last.

Instead of trying to get your partner to like what you like and do things your way, give them what they want. Discover and honor their preferences.

This doesn’t mean giving up yours. It means you stop fighting for your way, and defer to one another’s strengths.

3. Use conflict as a doorway to a deeper connection.

A deep soul connection does not magically happen when you meet someone — it develops over time.

Most people are conflict avoidant and would rather not talk about issues that are upsetting.

When you avoid being authentic and discount how you feel, you create a disconnection. As long as there are things you can’t talk about, then there will be landmines that can blow up your relationship.

Instead, approach conflict as a doorway to a deeper connection. Communicating how you feel during conflict is an essential skill that takes practice.

You won’t suddenly do it when you’ve been with your partner for years. By then, too much is on the line.

Utilize conflict as a way to understand your partner’s needs and for you to express what you need from your partner. Discord often occurs because you're not connected to yourself.

When you learn to fight for the relationship, instead of fighting against each other, you’ll discover the secret key to lasting love.

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Having a deep soul connection with your soulmate doesn’t mean that you won’t ever disagree or argue. It means that you have a commitment to move through the conflict together.

4. Choose a partner who shares your values.

Life will always throw curveballs your way and you'll go through challenges — financial, health, or parenting.

It's through these challenges that relationships either deepen or fall apart. So, choose someone who shares your values and agrees with you about what's really important.

You'll inevitably have different strategies, but if your values are similar, then you can always find your way back to establishing a strong connection with each other.

Discover what someone values over time by paying attention to where they spend their time, effort, and money.

You have different strengths and weaknesses.

Love does not blossom from attempting to control someone, which only creates unnatural pressure that ultimately yields impure results.

Only by allowing your partner to have the same freedom of thought and expression that you desire can you two come together by choice, and then choose one another again and again through the decades.

Soulmates are simply two individuals who stay together because they are better together than apart. When you share values, you can harness your differences towards the same goals so you thrive as a couple.

Lasting love is about creating a life together that's in service to your larger dreams and goals. When you're on the same page about what's truly important, then you can weather any storms that come your way.

RELATED: The 5 Types Of Soulmates You'll Fall In Love With In Your Lifetime

5. Communicate respectfully.

It's important to understand that there's a boundary between you and your partner.

No one completes you. You must be whole and complete within yourself in order to be available for a beloved relationship with a deep soul connection.

As two individuals, you can each have your feelings, strategies, needs, and wants.

You must be two whole, different people in order to access your own free will and create healthy boundaries. Respecting boundaries between you and your partner is integral to creating a deep soul connection.

One of the most damaging phrases in any conflict is, "You make me feel so…"

No one makes you feel anything. Your feelings are your own, and you're ultimately responsible for them.

This is not an excuse for ignoring bad behavior or putting up with abuse. It's a blueprint for taking responsibility for yourself and not blaming your partner for the history of your mental and emotional patterns.

When you can take responsibility for your feelings and express them authentically to your partner, then you can create real magic together.

Focus on using "I" language instead of "you" language when you're navigating a difficult subject.

Communicate with kindness and compassion whenever possible. If you’ve weathered other storms together, your partner has earned the benefit of the doubt.

6. Commit to healing together.

Create a space where the two of you can share your vulnerabilities.

Allowing yourselves to each express yourselves authentically, no matter what — even if it’s not done perfectly — and choose to love each other anyway.

Through this kind of bond, you can heal childhood wounds and limiting beliefs about trust, worthiness, and commitment.

When you heal yourself alongside your beloved, the two of you become interdependent and committed to thriving in life. With this kind of support, you can create a previously unimaginable lifestyle.

The old fantasy of having no problems once you're with your soulmate is replaced with the feeling of a deep soul connection with your imperfect but reliable beloved.

7. Choose love daily.

Love is more than a feeling — it's an action. When you choose love, you're choosing to take loving actions with your partner and to have compassion for yourself, forgiving any mistakes or missteps.

Choosing love is a daily action that takes intention and commitment.

Choosing to love the annoying habits of your soulmate allows you to love an imperfect person. The only way to stop those annoying behaviors is to be alone, since your beloved is the source of those annoyances.

To create a deep soul connection, you have to let someone’s best be good enough. Choosing to love those things that drive you nuts means you’re accepting your soulmate warts and all — just as you wish to be loved.

When you choose love, you make the most powerful choice you can make. You choose forgiveness, compassion, and empathy.

Just because you’ve had your heartbroken doesn’t mean that a deep soul connection with your soulmate is impossible.

You're in control of your future and deciding you want to create a deep soul connection with your soulmate is the first step.

RELATED: 11 Extremely Rare Signs You're In Love With A 'Kindred Spirit'

Orna and Matthew Walters have been soulmate coaches for over a decade and helped thousands of readers create long-lasting love. Download a complimentary copy of their ebook, Recognizing Mr. Right, along with a guided program on self-acceptance from their website.

This article was originally published at Creating Love On Purpose. Reprinted with permission from the author.