3 Signs You've Moved On And Don't Want Your Ex Back

Love, Heartbreak

How do you know if you should get your ex back?

Often, a person who is dumped feels drawn to the person who dumped them: it's a sort of magnetism, luring us in like Garfield is lured in by the aroma of freshly baked lasagna. In fact, the person who dumped us may even be more appealing than they were pre-breakup: it turns out the old adage "You always want what you can't have" is true (damn you, adage writers!). So, what do we do? We sit down and create a plan—a plan to win back the heart of our lost love.

Now, most of the time, this is the right move: the vast majority of relationships are salvageable and reconciliation is very obtainable. Yet, there are instances when it might be time to call it quits, to wave the white flag, to throw in the "his" or "her" towel. This is something only you can decide; nothing else, not even the Magic Eight Ball, has the answers.

As we all know, there are certain situations when you should never even consider getting back together with an ex. If abuse is involved—physical or emotional—the relationship should be set off to sea, never to be heard from again. If your partner is a drug dealer—they watch Requiem for a Dream and root for the heroine—it's best to just say no. If your partner scares you, threatens to set your fire to your kitchen, attempts to lure your grandparents into a threesome, or is caught dressing up in your clothes and licking the mirror ("You said you'd be home at five...not four!"), it's time to shut the door and lock it (you may even want to go with some double deadbolt action just to be safe). 

In these examples, one partner takes on the role of the bad guy, the villain (you look at them and see Jafar). Yet, a doomed relationship doesn't have to involve a bad guy: Sometimes, two people can be perfectly fine individuals, but they simply don't work as a pair (Richard Sherman and Michael Crabtree, for instance, probably shouldn't ever date).

Overall, there are three reason why getting back with your ex may not be the road worth traveling. These include:

1. You Realize You Could Be Happier With Someone Else

The heart breaks, the heart heals, and the heart eventually moves on. Once it does move on, you may meet someone new, someone who makes you happier than your ex ever did. This realization might mean it's time to release your ex, and let them go for good (hopefully, this is purely metaphorical and you don't actually have your ex locked in a cage somewhere).

Yet it's important to remember that realizing you could be happier with someone else can, at times, be deceiving. That's because this realization typically takes place at the beginning of a relationship, a time when everything is raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Thus, be sure to ask yourself if you will still feel this way when the bough breaks, when the bees sting, and when the honeymoon phase is over.

2. When You Think of Your Ex Getting Married to Someone Else, You're Okay With It

Most people who think about their ex getting married find themselves seething with jealously: they imagine channeling The Graduate, gathering up the courage to break up the wedding at the last possible moment. Or, they toy with the idea of hacking into their ex's wedding registry, asking everyone, in lieu of gifts, to donate to Herpes Awareness.

But, some people find themselves doing neither of these things: instead, they are firmly planted on the other end of the spectrum. They are okay with the thought of their ex getting married and might be (gasp!) even happy for them. If you fall into this category, it may just be a sign that the passion has waned, the flame has extinguished, and the love has turned to indifference.

3. You and Your Ex Legitimately Want Different Things

John Lennon sang about love being all you need: but, sometimes, it might not be enough. If you and your ex have drastically different versions of the future, going your separate ways may be the only choice you have. For example, if your ex wants a child, and you are adamantly against diapers and binkies, this could be—in the words of Liz Lemon – a "deal breaker". It's often a deal breaker because wanting children is 1) a huge deal and 2) something that can't be compromised (there's no such thing as half a kid (how bout it, science?).

And, of course, wanting different things doesn't have to involve children. Your ex could want to move to Australia, you could want to stay in Wyoming (no one actually knows why, but still). Your ex could want you to convert to Judaism while you may be fiercely devoted to your Catholic faith. Your ex may want to save money, you may be a spendthrift, forever celebrating the fact that VISA actually is everywhere you want to be.

All of this can be too much, ultimately causing you and your ex to permanently go your separate ways, forever hurting John Lennon's feelings in the process. 

If you still want your ex back and want to know the secrets to get them back, go here.

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