11 Things People Think Are Normal At Work But Are Actually Signs Of Career Trauma
PeopleImages | Shutterstock Even if it's a regularly overlooked and minimized form of trauma compared to childhood experiences and toxic relationships, career trauma can seriously affect a person's well-being, even years after the initial struggle occurred. Whether it was a permanent damage to work-life balance expectations or a detriment to self-esteem and self-worth, career trauma is a real thing, with real consequences.
Part of the reason it's regularly minimized is that there are things people think are normal at work that are actually signs of career trauma — someone who's been taken advantage of or overworked. From overachieving for a sense of security to undermining the humanity of peers, people who feel traumatized in and by the workplace have a very specific set of coping mechanisms.
Here are 11 things people think are normal at work but are actually signs of career trauma
1. Staying late at the office
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Overachieving can often be a response to trauma and a coping mechanism for the feelings of inadequacy it can cause internally, at least according to transformation coach Kyle Emanuel Brown. It's both a means of "proving" themselves through overworking at their own expense and distracting themselves with busyness that takes away from struggles on the clock.
It's one of the things people think is normal at work, and sometimes is even celebrated, but are actually signs of career trauma.
2. Overapologizing
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According to clinical psychologist Greg Chasson, anxious overapologizing routines are often a safety mechanism, used by people who are anxious and uncertain about their place in any given room. Especially in places like the workplace, if someone's been made to feel "stupid" or unimportant, they may hold onto this behavior for a sense of security.
Even taking accountability for things that weren't their fault and trying to protect the peace in the workplace can be things people think are normal that are actually signs of career and workplace trauma.
3. Downplaying accomplishments
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Whether it's dismissing someone else's excitement about their success or finding ways to minimize personal achievements, all of these behaviors are associated with insecurity and career trauma. Someone, whether it was a boss or a peer, has broken down their self-worth in the office and urged them to resort to a smaller version of themselves, at the expense of their internal well-being.
Even if it's something small, celebrating yourself activates the reward center in your brain, making it not only an exciting practice but an internally gratifying one.
4. Being hyper-independent
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Many people who grew up with a loss of control or endured something traumatic in the workplace that led to feelings of helplessness develop hyper-independence as a coping mechanism for all that pent-up grief and internal struggle. They feel out of control, so clinging to their independence or autonomy for a sense of fleeting comfort and security is how they cope.
Even if that means ignoring opportunities to learn from others, bond with peers, and accept positive feedback at work, these workers can't help but live life completely on their own.
5. Expecting things to go wrong
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Expecting the worst-case scenario is a coping mechanism for people with unresolved trauma, giving them some kind of control over the uncertainty that they fear so much. When they imagine and expect things to go wrong, they give themselves room to prepare and cope with their emotions before it happens, often keeping their bodies in a state of fight or flight.
Whether that "bad thing" happens or not, these people live in a draining state of constant anxiety. They're always struggling with even the most basic tasks and find it difficult to relax and find peace, especially in the workplace.
6. Being loyal to a fault
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While being loyal to companies that don't care to protect your basic needs is usually a common thread for older generations who have adopted a hustle culture mentality, it's also one of the things people think are normal at work that are signs of career trauma.
For a sense of security that they're lacking in their lives, they turn to loyalty and endless commitments to a job or company to feign that sense of safety and vulnerability that comes from other social connections. They give everything to their job, without ever getting any kind of reciprocity or recognition in return.
7. Feeling guilty for taking time away
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Whether it's a break from work in the middle of the day or vacation time with days off that they've earned themselves, people who struggle with career trauma also often feel guilty for putting themselves first. They have a hard time with shame around taking time off from work and balancing work with their personal lives, largely because of trauma that results from a toxic workplace environment or boss.
Even if it means overworking themselves and putting their emotional and physical well-being at risk, they feel a chronic sense of shame.
8. Feeling relief after projects instead of pride
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Instead of feeling a sense of accomplishment and being able to celebrate themselves, people who have career trauma are more likely to feel a sense of relief. It's one of the things people think is normal at work but is actually a sign of career trauma.
They don't feel a sense of success because they're living on edge and struggling with helplessness. They just want to be done with this thing and move on to the next one.
9. Being constantly on edge in the workplace
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Even if their tension manifests through the "Sunday Scaries" instead of actual uncertainty and fear on the job, this is one of the things people think are normal at work that are actually signs of career trauma.
While most workplace stress, emotions, and experiences manifest themselves through a mismatch of skills and expectations, according to a study from the Indian Journal of Medical Research, people grappling with career trauma carry tension from their past experiences, not necessarily their lack of insurance.
10. Assuming feedback is a bad thing
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According to psychology researcher Dr. Rob Nash, struggling to accept feedback, especially at work, is a shared human experience, but for people with career trauma, it's incredibly hard. Especially if they assume feedback is a bad thing from the beginning, and they equate self-worth to their work performance, accepting feedback can be a real struggle.
Defensiveness and combativeness, whether it's to a co-worker or their boss, become second nature, instead of leaning into the discomfort of personal change. They remain stagnant and exhausted because they can never grow and constantly feel on edge about everything coming from conversations and interactions.
11. Struggling to ask for help
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While some people consider hyper-independence and doing things on their own to be an accomplishment, a sign of strength, or resilience, the truth is that never asking for help is actually a weakness. These people are missing out on chances to cultivate stronger bonds with peers and to learn something new, even if it feels like they're proving their worth in some misguided kind of way.
It's something that people do at work that feels normal, but is actually a sign of trauma cultivated by a need to always be "on," available, and productive to a personal fault.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
