16 Things Women Want And Look For In A Man

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woman looking at a man wondering if he is what she wants

By Theo Harrison

What do women look for in a man? What do they really want?

Women are mysterious, to say the least. And this is why men have been asking what women want since time immemorial. Although it may seem like a tough question, the answer may be right in front of our eyes.

Gentlemen, you may think that what women want in a man may be the biggest secret in the universe, but when it comes to dating and relationships, most men and women expect and want the same things from their romantic partners.

What do women want in a man?

“Every woman has her list of qualities that she wants in her ‘perfect’ partner,” says Relationship Coach Deborah Roth. “I often break them into three buckets: your deal-breakers, your negotiables, and your ‘wouldn’t it be nice,’ qualities — and they’re different for everyone. Of course, we can all count on our fingers the ‘standard’ ones: honesty, respect, fidelity, and good communication, to name a few.”

However, there are some gender-specific differences between men and women that can make things seem more complicated than they actually are.

They don’t want to ask for what they need from you, nor do they want to tell you what is important to them. Women expect you to figure it out, and this is what makes it so complicated.

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On top of that, adds Dating and Relationship Coach Lisa Hawkins, “Often, men respond to women as if they are men. They are not. Men love that women are women, and yet they do not respond to situations in a manner that another man would. Learn how to respond to women as women, and you’ll find it takes much less effort, confusion and frustration.

You don’t need to be a Prince Charming to win a woman’s heart, although it doesn’t hurt to be one.

What kind of a man does a woman want? While it may depend on the woman's specific personality traits, there's no doubt that these qualities can lead to a strong, happy relationship.

16 Things women look for in a man

1. Women want men who are confident.

This one seems like a no brainer, but you’d be surprised at how many men lose their cool and confident demeanor while interacting with women. Women want a confident man, someone who can hold a conversation, and keep them interested.

When you believe in yourself, know what you want from life, and understand who you are, women will be attracted to you. However, you need to understand that there is a difference between being confident and being an egomaniac.

Women want you to feel comfortable with who you are as a person and not become overbearing.

2. Women want chemistry.

Has a woman ever turned you down because you lacked chemistry? This is something you need to consider with utmost importance.

Women like a man because of attraction, and it's not based on your finances or your looks. Initially, how much she will be drawn to you depends on the emotional and sexual attraction a woman feels for you. This makes them desire and become invested in you.

It depends on how much you can keep her interested, how deeply you converse, and how energized you make her feel while interacting.

Women want their men to create a deeper connection and a meaningful relationship.

3. Women want men who are positive.

Are you a sad sap? Do you feel depressed and negative all the time? Are you an energy vampire? Then you can forget about attracting women unless you can develop a positive mindset.

Women desire a man who can make them smile and feel good about themselves. When you feel positive about life and smile a lot yourself, making her smile will come naturally to you.

Share positive thoughts and moments you experience throughout the day, and she will get hooked to your positivity in no time.

4. Women want men who are charming.

No, you don’t need to be a smooth talker or a prince to be charming. Although it does help, women expect a man to be pleasing and likeable. And for that, you don’t need swag — what you do need are originality and uniqueness.

Being charming is about being yourself. Speak about your dreams and passions and what you actually care about. This is the secret to charm her.

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5. Women want men who can open up and be vulnerable.

Have you tried to be in a relationship with a woman who is closed off? This is exactly what women feel when they date a man who loves to be in a powerful position, hiding his vulnerable side from them.

Part of this vulnerability is possible by being curious about each other.

Says Hawkins, "Be curious about your partner. When you are genuinely curious about what they are experiencing, what caused them to be upset, or what makes them happy, it defuses hard feelings and creates a joy in the relationship that goes beyond what you can imagine. See your partner as an adventure!"

When you're willing to open up and show your emotional and vulnerable side to her, she will see you as a person who is comfortable with himself. This, in turn, will make her feel comfortable around you.

Moreover, as you open your heart, she will feel more connected to you and will be able to open up herself.

6. Women want men who are attractive.

You don’t have to be Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling to be attractive. But make no mistake — women want to be with a man they find attractive and desirable. It may sound shallow and superficial, but no one wants to date an unattractive person. And no, it doesn’t have anything to do with your looks.

Women are attracted to men who take care of themselves and make sure they dress to impress. You don’t need to dress like a celebrity; just make sure your hygiene game is on point, you have your own unique style, and you put some effort into your physical health.

7. Women want men who are stable.

Stability is crucial for women when it comes to long-term relationships. Emotional stability is as important as economic stability. It may sound crass, but that’s how it is.

Women want a man who can financially support himself, and has enough control over his own emotions and thoughts. They also want men to be stable in the relationship. This means you need to be reliable, supportive, and predictable enough for the woman in your life so she can lean on you when things get rough.

8. Women want men who are emotionally present.

When you talk to her, listen and pay attention. Look at her and focus on what she's saying. This is what women want in a man the most.

“You want a partner who will just hold the space for you, physically and emotionally, when you’re upset and/or have to work something out. Suggestions are OK, but only if you ask for them.

Women want to be heard, truly heard. That kind of active listening requires compassion, patience, and a desire to truly understand what your partner is saying. And it’s a powerful skill set that can be learned and used in any relationship," adds Roth.

Instead of checking your Instagram every two minutes or checking out other girls nearby, be emotionally present when you are with her. Be attentive and responsive to her. That means when she calls or texts you, respond to them promptly, or at least let her know you're busy right now.

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9. Women want men who are protective.

Making women feel secure around you is mandatory. This is an unwritten rule that all men must follow.

If she feels wary or defensive when she's with you, there's no scope for any attraction to develop. So, make sure you don’t act like a creep when you're around women.

It's only when she feels safe that she will drop her defenses and let you into her life. When she feels protected, she will be comfortable with you.

10. Women want men who are passionate.

If you like her, make sure you show her! Don't play mind games or play it cool when you’ve found the woman you want to be with for the rest of your life.

Any woman wants her man to show her how passionately and strongly he loves her. So, make sure you show her how you feel about her, through small daily acts and grand gestures, too.

11. Women want men who are accepting.

If you try to change your woman, you aren't man enough for her. Women want to be with men who don't judge them or try to better them constantly.

Of course, it's okay to tell her when she does something wrong, but you can't assess or try to improve her. By judging her, you’re telling her that she's not good enough and needs to upgrade to be with you.

She wants you to accept her the way she is and support her in being the best she can be, but only if and when she wants to.

12. Women want men who are sociable.

You don’t need to have a giant circle of friends or a big social group to attract women. No, women simply want a man they can introduce to their friends.

When you're a passionate person who invests in his interests and hobbies, you will automatically become interesting to her and her group of BFFs.

Show some willingness to hang out with her friends, talk with them using your natural charm, don’t try too hard to be liked, and just be friendly. She will notice the effort you take to meet her friends and will respect you for that.

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13. Women want men who are assertive.

Being shy is one thing, but not speaking up for your own needs is one of the biggest unattractive moves you can make. You need to be assertive if you wish for your relationship to grow and thrive.

However, most men feel like they can’t ask for something from women they are in a relationship with. In reality, she wants you to. So, go ahead and ask for that back massage.

It's only by sharing your needs with each other and acting on them that you can create a loving, caring relationship.

14. Women want men who are independent.

This can mean different things to different people, but most women want their man to be independent and self-reliant.

Women desire men who can take care of themselves, make their own decisions, live by their principles and values, and follow their dreams and passions. If you can be your own self in any situation and are able to pay your bills, she will respect you as a man.

15. Women want men to see them as equals.

Women want men to treat them as equals. They want a partner who respects them as an equal partner, and doesn’t try to dominate or change them.

"You may come from very different backgrounds or have different interests, but if you’re on the same page with your personal values — yes, that’s where honesty, respect, and integrity come in — you can move through the world as a team. If you’re not sure how to articulate them, there are lots of powerful values assessments you can do on your own or together," Roth recommends.

They want a relationship where they are treated fairly and can speak openly. They don't want any special treatment from you, but that doesn’t mean you should stop being chivalrous.

16. Women want men with a sense of humor.

Ever heard of the phrase "girls just want to have fun"? Women may find the silent, brooding type of men sexier, but what they really want is a good man who can make them laugh.

Sense of humor is a crucial criteria in attracting women. Being able to joke around, and having the ability to laugh at yourself and at life is very appealing to women.

When you can make her feel lighthearted and happy, she will be drawn to you. When she knows she can have a good time with you, she will want to be around you more. That's because laughter is one of the core pillars of a healthy relationship.

Above all, be yourself.

We may not know exactly what women actually want from men, but these traits are compulsory for you to develop if you want to attract a high quality woman. You can develop these traits one at a time, but make sure you're honest to yourself and not faking it just to pick up women.

As Hawkins reminds us, “A well loved woman is a force of strength and power; she can rock a man’s world with only her smile. A man of integrity is a force to be reckoned with and has women swooning over him. And that’s a pretty attractive quality.”

Look inside yourself and you will realize that you're already the man any woman would like to fall in love with. You just need to hone certain aspects of your personality.

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Theo Harrison is an artist, traveler, writer, former contributor to The Mind's Journal, and believer in spiritualism, psychology, and science. He writes primarily about mental health, pop culture, and relationships.

This article was originally published at The Mind's Journal. Reprinted with permission from the author.