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Does he?
By Jesse Oakley — Written on Dec 01, 2019
What does love look like to you? Is it sweet? Is it romantic? Does it make you feel all warm and fuzzy? Maybe it’s all of the above for you. No matter what you're looking for in love, you ought to have a definition of what love is because when you fall in love, things get serious, especially when you're a Christian dating.
People who don’t know what love looks like can put themselves in a bad position. They could get into a relationship they think is love but it isn’t. It's lust or like, but not the real deal.
A few months later, they realize a mistake was made and they need to back the relationship up. A painful break up follows, and that’s no fun. So everyone should know what love is to them before they start looking for a relationship.
Let’s say you think a guy you know (who’s a Christian) is in love with you. But how can you be certain it's the kind of love that will last forever? Christian love isn’t as clear and aggressive as non-Christian love can be.
The definition of love isn’t going to be the same for everyone, but a Christian man or woman will define love according to the Bible. To the Christian man, love is specifically described by 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
“Love is patient and is kind. Love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.”
He should only be looking at you and what you have together. He should never take pleasure in causing you pain. Things like these may sound basic, but for a Christian man, actions are held to a high standard.
As a follower of faith, a person is taught to love everyone and show everyone kindness. So are you just romanticizing or is it real?
Here are five signs that a Christian man is truly head over heels in love with you.
1. He stops dating others.
This one really applies to any guy, but for a Christian, even looking at another woman while courting another is breaking the rules. Lustful eyes can be counted as a sin (ref. Matthew 5:28). When faith is involved, love should be pure. Even if you’re not a believer, you know he is and you should be able to count on that to know that you’re the one he wants.
So, the next time you’re with him, I want you to look for a couple of things. One, do you ever catch him looking at other girls? I don’t mean just a fleeting glance (because let’s face it, male or female, we all turn our heads when we see something we like). I mean do you ever see him really looking at another girl?
Two, do you see him taking a genuine interest in you? You can see a difference in how someone’s listening to you when you talk. If they don’t really care they’ll just give half-hearted ‘yeahs’ and nods. If someone is actually listening, they’ll be more engaging. And if he’s in love with you, he should be hanging on every word you say.
2. He wants emotional intimacy.
Physical touch is an area where two people pursuing love can highly differ. Where the non-religious person may get closer (like putting his arm around your shoulders or jokingly holding your hand, etc.), the Christian man will want to be closer in a more personal sense. He wants to get to know you for you, not for your body.
Sex is something that’s viewed to be almost sacred in the Christian faith. Doing that before marriage is most-definitely a sin. It’s an act that should only be done with the person that you are married to. So if you really want him like that, I guess you’ll have to get him to put a ring on your finger first before being physically intimate or moving in together.
Now this should be a given, but if he says he’s a Christian but then practically demands you have sex with him, that’s not really the kind of love you want. Not only is it just really scum-y, but it completely goes against the belief that he claims to follow. And honestly, if any guy is acting like that, they’re not worth your time.
3. He does things for you.
I didn’t want to put this one the same way the video does because a relationship shouldn’t be one person solely serving another. It’s something that you should be equals in. So rather than saying “he serves you,” I’m going to say that you serve each other, and we’re just going to focus on the guy’s side.
So what does he do for you? Does he offer to help you clean up your place? Or is something more meaningful, like being the shoulder you cry on? He should always be there when you need him, whether that be for little things or big things.
4. He makes sacrifices.
This goes hand in hand with the previous sign. He should be willing to give up the things he wants or wants to do in favor of doing what you want. Now that’s not to say that the guy should never get what he wants because if that happens then it’s a very unbalanced relationship and honestly you’ll just look like a gold digger.
But if there’s potential for a debate over what to watch on TV and he suggests that you two should watch what you want before you even say anything, that’s a good sign. If he gives up buying that new game in favor of buying that thing you’ve been eyeing in the store window, that’s a good sign too. It means that he wants to put your happiness first.
5. He demonstrates love in various ways.
This is where the video and I drastically differ. They make a sort of obvious point for their last sign, but I’d like to go with something that, while it’s not as clear, I feel has a bigger impact on the pre-relationship stage. It really comes down to the way he says “I love you.”
As I mentioned before, love is a big thing in the Christian faith. But because of its size and importance, it can be a double-edged sword toward the person who fell in love with a Christian. It’s not uncommon to hear one say “I love you,” but not mean it romantically. So how can you tell the difference?
The funny thing about the phrase “I love you” is that it can be said in so many different ways. It can be said through compliments, through actions or just directly. So the next time you talk to the Christian guy you think maybe in love with you, listen to how he says certain things.
You’ll notice that when he says that you look nice or when he buys you something or just says “I love you,” it’ll be emotionally charged. You should hear all of his feelings in what he says and does. If you can, then you know he’s in love with you.
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Jesse Oakley is a writer who writes about love, relationships, self-care and spirituality/astrology.