Florida's Penis-Shaped Storm Looks Like LONG, HARD Rain Is Coming

The penis jokes on this weather station's Facebook post are the best thing on the internet today.

Florida's Penis Hermine Storm Looks Like LONG, HARD Weather! Facebook

As a former Floridian whose firstborn child was born in West Palm Beach, I am well aware that tropical storms and hurricanes are no laughing matter.

And as someone with a particularly dirty mind who loves her sexual innuendos as cheesy as they come, I love me a good penis joke.

So I cannot stop myself from laughing out loud (I mean, literally LOL'ing over here) over the comments on Jacksonville station WJXT4's Facebook post announcing a Tropical Storm Watch along Florida's west coast yesterday in anticipation of what is expected to become Hurricane Hermine any moment now.


Why on Earth would such a scary report incite a string of hysterical comments, you ask? 

Take a look at the announcement itself:


I may have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy, but I am hardly alone in my instant recognition that the unfortunate pink illustration of Hermine-to-be's storm pattern looks somewhat, um ... phallic.


Sort of penis-like.

A bit weiner-esque.

Including a fully defined head, shaft, and scrotum, of course.

Because Florida.

One of my favorite characteristics of Florida is the laid back nature of the people who live there year round.

I mean, honestly, how could you survive the storms, gators, and constant filming of Cops if not for a wickedly sharp sense of humor?

So it should be no surprise that the comments on this post are some of the most hi-larious that Facebook may have seen yet!

But you don't need to take my pleasantly-sunny-in-California-now word for it.

Take a look yourself at Florida's best penis jokes about Hurricane Hermine:

1. "I'm no weather man but you can expect a few inches tonight."


2. "Should we consult someone if it lasts for more than 4 hours?"

3. "At least you don't have to worry about the storm going in dry."


4. "Is that a tropical storm or are you just happy to see me."

5. "You know why it's always men who are forecasters? Cause they lie about how many inches your gonna get."


6. "Hope this doesn't hit the navy base, there will be seamen spread everywhere."

7. "Totally my thought ... Hurricane Johnson?"


8. "Northeast Florida is getting the shaft."

9. "Residents need to be prepared and have their safe word in place now."


10. "Florida, why can't you ever be normal? This is why we can't have nice things."

11. "You know, if a man drew this, the length and width of the coverage area is probably a little over estimated. I would say this storm may only bring a light drizzle and not the hard, wet, pounding one would expect from a storm that size ..."


12. "After seeing this weather pic, hoes gonna be out in the rain like ... lmao."

13. "Weathermen are classifying Hermine as a category 9 storm! Stating "it's not about size, but the motion ... in the ocean." Data suggests this to be the deadliest storm to cum to North Florida since ... forever. Seamen are warned to stay inside. We'll have more news for you as more data erupts. Back to you Hairy."


14. "This shows the truth of a hurricane. It's just like a marriage. At first there's a lot of sucking and blowing and before you know it your house is gone!"


15. "The storm is blowing hard now, but will be penetrating land deeply, before petering out."

16. "Looks like this storm is really gonna penetrate."


Stay close to your tubs, and keep your storm shutters erect Florida friends.

Even once Hermine passes you by — as he/she most certainly will, you never know what that pervy Mother Nature may have in store for you next ...

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