You'll Feel It In Your Gut — 25 Subtle Signs Someone Secretly Can't Stand You
They smile to your face but seethe underneath — this is how you can tell they hate you.
Atstock Productions | Unsplash Who hasn’t been stabbed in the back by someone they thought was a friend? Maybe you’ve noticed little things about them, like off-hand comments, or your vibration is low around them. Perhaps they are always playing the victim in your presence or are constantly sending the evil eye or bad vibes your way.
When things seem a bit off with friends, family, or other loved ones, we tend to give them the benefit of the doubt and make excuses for their changed behavior. We assume they are going through something and are just not themselves.
But it’s important to determine whether their actions are just a phase or a sign that they don’t really like you and are harboring hatred towards you. There are many ways to tell if a person is having a struggle in life that’s impacting how they treat others, or if they are simply toxic and have an underlying disdain for you specifically.
You'll feel it in your gut — 25 subtle signs someone secretly can't stand you:
1. Their body language feels closed off
People who really don’t like you show it in their body language. If you pay attention, you’ll notice that those who want you to lean in when speaking to you and maintain eye contact. They have open body language that is inviting, while those who hate you have body language that is not open and do things like cross their arms or sit with crossed legs in your presence.
Other body language indicators are a failure to mimic your movements, meaning they do the opposite of what you are doing. People naturally align their body language to who they are conversing with, and if they don’t, you are not connected. Feet pointing away from you while talking is also a telltale sign of internal hate for you.
2. They act friendly, but it feels fake
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People who secretly hate you might paste a smile on their face, but it belies the seething annoyance beneath the surface. Authentic people don’t have to force a smile; it just comes naturally. They are relaxed around you and able to be themselves.
According to licensed psychologist Guy Winch, some people have "such a fragile ego, such brittle self-esteem" that admitting mistakes or showing their true feelings is "fundamentally too threatening for their egos to tolerate." This is why, he argues, those who secretly dislike you often resort to forced friendliness rather than authentic expression.
3. They avoid you whenever possible
If someone doesn’t like you, they show it by avoiding you. They put distance between you when speaking with you and find it hard to stay still under your watchful gaze. This can be conscious, or they may not even know they are doing it.
4. Conversations stay painfully surface-level
Friends talk about what’s going on in their lives and lay their feelings on the table for support. If your conversations with a person are limited to small talk and surface-level banter, that person is not really a friend and doesn’t trust you.
According to psychologist Dr. Lynda Klau, asking questions that dive deep into what your partner is feeling is essential for building trust and creating a meaningful connection. Couples who engage in deep questioning and listening tend to develop stronger bonds than those who remain stuck in surface-level interaction.
5. They can't look you in the eye
The eyes are the windows to the soul. Anyone who continuously looks away when addressing you is not very fond of you. They do not feel connected and are not interested in what you are saying.
6. Or they stare too much — to overcompensate
People who don’t like you sometimes maintain intense eye contact because they feel guilty about the feelings buried deep inside them. They overcompensate by staring into your eyes in a forced and unnatural way.
According to Dr. Jack Schafer, a former behavioral analyst with the FBI, liars believe that if they can maintain eye contact with you, you'll feel they're telling the truth, so they overcompensate by staring and blinking less. The explanation is that the deceiver goes the extra mile to try to convince you of his or her veracity and so "overdoes" eye contact to appear truthful.
7. They keep their distance physically
When someone likes you, they might hug you when they see you or touch your shoulder when they chat with you. Physical touch shows fondness for another person, and if someone never touches you, it is completely possible they don’t like you.
8. Every conversation feels forced
When two people like each other, the conversation flows smoothly. However, if a person feels obligated but doesn’t want to talk, it will show. They might give you one-word answers or seem frustrated when you ask normal questions. They only say what is necessary, nothing more, nothing less.
9. They keep checking the time
There is nothing worse than a person checking the time repeatedly while talking to you. They are bored with your company and just want the interaction to be over as quickly as possible.
According to clinical psychologist Michael W. Regier, when someone is absorbed in their phone during quality time together, it signals disengagement from their partner. True love requires being able to put the phone aside and truly listen when your partner is speaking, as your presence communicates that their words matter.
10. They don't seem curious about you
A person who talks about themselves incessantly whenever you come together does not like you. True friends give and take, sharing and listening to one another. A person who cares for you and likes you will show interest in who you are.
11. They're always too busy for you
If you have a friend who is always open to doing things with other people but is too busy to meet up with you or show up for important things in your life, they are not your friend.
According to Lianne Avila, an LMFT, "Knowing when to call a friend is crucial for maintaining healthy friendships." This means true friends demonstrate active care by prioritizing meaningful contact with you.
12. They never reach out first
Relationships are reciprocal. It is up to friends to check on each other periodically. When one side of the "friendship" never reaches out, they are not interested in maintaining the relationship with you.
13. They act indifferent when they see you
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Most of us are happy to see our good friends from time to time. If a person seems disinterested or like they’d rather be doing anything else in the world than being with you, they are not a good friend.
According to Dr. Monica Vermani, a clinical psychologist, a friend might feign interest and connection without any intention of engaging in a real, genuine friendship. Often, in these relationships, the target feels used and not a real priority of their friend.
14. They suddenly take offense to everything
Everyone has their own unique sense of humor, and your friend gets yours. If someone suddenly starts getting offended by something they once thought was comical, the tide has turned, and they have a strong dislike for you.
15. They gossip about you behind your back
Being two-faced is an obvious sign that someone hates your guts. If you can no longer trust them to keep your secrets and they throw you under the bus on a whim, they don’t mean well and are spiteful.
According to licensed therapist Jeffrey Meltzer, for toxic people, "gossip isn't just casual chatter, it's fuel" that allows them to feel powerful by holding information others don't have. Meltzer notes that toxic people take gossiping to another level because they have low self-esteem, and by spotlighting other people's flaws, they're avoiding acknowledging their own problems.
16. They treat you differently in public
Some so-called friends wait until they are around other people to treat you poorly. They pretend to love you in private but show the world how much they hate you, and you should believe that version of them.
17. They talk down to you
If you find yourself frequently having to think of comebacks for a condescending person, they are not someone you should call a friend. Real friends are considerate and respectful and don’t need to downplay you or make you feel stupid.
According to psychotherapist Christina Steinorth-Powell, condescending people hold an unrealistic view of their abilities and often lack humility and disregard the feelings or thoughts of others. This superiority complex is a hallmark of someone who doesn't value or respect the people around them.
18. They keep a score of favors
You both give each other things and let one another borrow items, but this person has a habit of demanding that you return their belongings as soon as possible, whether they need them or not. It is a low-key way of lashing out at you.
19. They flirt with people you like
Some people will intentionally pursue your romantic interests. Not because they are really interested in the person, but to make sure they sabotage any possibility of you having a relationship with your romantic interest.
According to life coach and hypnotherapist Kelly Rudolph, toxic friends can sabotage your chances at love by draining your energy and lowering your confidence around potential partners. She notes that insecure friends may falsely accuse or blame you simply for the power rush they get from putting you in a bad light.
20. They love pointing out your mistakes.
People who love you lift you when you are down. They don’t keep score of your errors or flaws, but if they secretly hate you, they intentionally ruin your self-esteem by reminding you of what you did wrong or areas in which you lack.
21. They don't celebrate your wins
Look around at who claps for you when you make big achievements in your life. If a person seems to have a negative shift in energy when you get a great job, start a healthy relationship, or get praised for something you did, they seriously resent you.
According to therapist Eli Harwood, when someone cannot celebrate your accomplishments, it often indicates deeper issues rooted in their own shame and inadequacy. Instead of celebrating your success, they internalize it as evidence of their own failures or shortcomings.
22. They constantly compete with you
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Your biggest competition in life should be you. If your friend is always trying to one-up every accomplishment you have, they don’t want to see you happy and are praying for your downfall.
23. They ignore your posts online
Social media does not dictate our relationships, but if you have a friend who is actively liking and sharing the posts of other people, but ignores yours, know that they see you. They just don’t want to acknowledge you publicly because they don’t like you privately.
24. They put you in bad situations
True friends care about your safety and well-being. If someone is doing anything to bring conflict or danger into your life, they have bad intentions. One example is the case of Shanquella Robinson, who vacationed with people she thought were friends and never made it home.
25. They argue with everything you say
Nothing is more irritating than a person who thinks they know it all. If someone is constantly arguing with everything you say or do, they are not your friend. They don’t think highly of you and want to shorten your straw so theirs looks longer.
According to relationship expert Dr. Margaret Paul, "People who blame everyone else won't listen to reason," revealing how argumentative people are unable to engage in productive dialogue. Dr. Paul explains that these individuals "don't want to connect through true openness, as they are fearful of being seen and rejected."
How do you deal with someone who hates you?
Being around someone who doesn’t like you can be detrimental to your mental and emotional health and, in some cases, endanger your physical well-being. You must identify the characteristics of a person who is hanging around in hopes that they get to witness your failure.
If you suspect someone secretly hates you, it’s important that you are transparent about your feelings and that you allow them to salvage the relationship.
But if all else fails, as difficult as it may be, you need to cut ties with the enemy immediately to preserve your own peace of mind. Find friends who truly like you and want a mutually beneficial connection.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
