If People Can’t Decide Whether You’re Amazing Or Annoying, These 18 Polarizing Traits Might Explain Why
Everyone either adores you or can't quite figure you out.
Daniil Lobachev | Unsplash Divisive people who don’t care about the status quo have no problem causing an uproar, and this is what many of us imagine when thinking about polarizing people. But those labeled as "polarizing" have much more to them than meets the eye. Whether you find them lovable or abrasive and annoying, what you see is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to people who are polarizing.
A polarizing person is someone who might be the subject of great debate, with some people gravitating toward them, while repulsing others. People are split on whether this person is a pariah or the best thing since sliced bread. It can be their beliefs, ideals, actions, or behavior that either poisons or pleases other people.
And the feelings about polarizing people aren’t mild. They might have a cult-like following of fans who hang on their every word, or a group of activists who came together specifically to remove them from power. In a personal setting, they might have family members, colleagues, or people in their social circles who adore them, while others can’t stand the sight of them.
There are good things and bad things about being a polarizing person. On one hand, you turn things upside down, generating new ideas and creating valuable change. On the other hand, you likely have no concept of “If it ain’t broke, then don’t try to fix it.”
You might build undue stress where it shouldn't be by shaking things up. Though polarizing, people tend to be open and honest about their feelings; they can also come off as abrasive and unable to hear any voice other than their own.
If people can’t decide whether you’re amazing or annoying, these 18 polarizing traits explain why:
1. You're divisive
The biggest sign that you are polarizing is the division that you sew. You have a hard time gaining consensus because you fail to take all sides into account in order to make moves that most can approve of.
2. You're decisive
MAYA LAB / Shutterstock
You’re not one to go back and forth about a choice, and polarizing people are strong-minded and opinionated. You know exactly what you want, so deciding is easy. Once you make your choice, nothing will change your mind.
3. Your priority is not popularity
Polarizing people are fully aware that they are not everybody’s cup of tea. They believe in being themselves and speaking truth to power. In their minds, the people who can’t get on board are just not their people.
Research suggests that this indifference can be perceived as both admirable and threatening. The polarization may also stem from the ability to discern different types of nonconformity. A person might be perceived as an admirable nonconformist if their actions are seen as deliberate and based on strong convictions.
4. You're transparent
You’d be hard-pressed to find a passive-aggressive polarizing person. Subtlety is not their strong suit. When it comes to speaking up or offering their opinion, right or wrong, you’ll never have to wonder.
According to professional matchmaker Caitlin Bergstein, truly transparent people can handle direct questions calmly and honestly answer them without getting defensive or evasive. A genuinely transparent person is open about everything from their social activities to their communications, and polarizing people embody this trait without reservation.
5. You're unique
If you are polarizing, you don’t mind going against the grain. You march to the beat of your own drum and are not influenced by trends or fads. You are most comfortable when being yourself and don’t feel the need to conform to please others.
6. You don’t care about norms
You are not satisfied with the status quo. By no means are you looking to cause dissension or trouble, but you understand that there are things we must go through to get to a better place. You are more than willing to be a catalyst for change.
From the perspective of self-categorization theory, people conform to a group's norms to define and reinforce their social identity. When a nonconformist emerges, they create a clear "us vs. them" dynamic.
7. Your strengths and weaknesses are interchangeable
Some personality traits might be seen as positive by certain groups of people, while others find them off-putting. You might be seen as bold and transparent in one circle, but abrasive and rude in another.
8. You're ambitious
Polarizing people usually have big dreams and lofty goals. They go after them with reckless abandon, unconcerned about what other people think. Their vision is clear, and they are determined to get to where they are going.
Psychologist Nick Wignall notes that ambitious, driven individuals are often "so driven and obsessed with achievement" that they singularly focus on their goals. While achievement plays an important role in our happiness and self-worth, Wignall warns it becomes problematic when people "fail to develop other sources of self-worth.”
9. You overstep boundaries
If there is a line to be crossed, you will step right over it. Your polarizing personality can lead you to say inappropriate things to others or overshare. You are what some might consider a risk-taker, while others call you a habitual line-crosser.
What one person considers an overstep, another might see as harmless. Research shows that people with more generous or flexible relational styles may see boundary-setting as self-protective or even selfish, leading to relational mismatches.
10. You attract attention
To many people, polarizing individuals are charming and attractive. They know how to work a room, primarily because they have no worries about looking bad. Sometimes that charisma is viewed as manipulative and conniving.
11. You're opinionated
Your ability to stick your nose everywhere it doesn’t belong makes you polarizing. Because of your strong opinions and belief in yourself, you think you are the most valuable commodity in the room and can’t wait to bless everyone with your words of wisdom.
Psychologist Dr. Susan Heitler explains that people with strong narcissistic tendencies tend to dominate conversations because they believe they know best and see little value in listening to what others have to say. This behavior makes you polarizing because people can sense when you're not truly interested in dialogue, only in broadcasting your "wisdom" to everyone around you.
12. You're very confident
Stock 4you / Shutterstock
If anyone thinks they can knock you down a few rungs, they are sadly mistaken. Your sense of self-confidence comes from deep within and is not dependent on external sources. When you are not careful, this easily presents as self-centered.
Extremely high confidence is considered a polarizing trait because it is often perceived as arrogance, and can lead to hostility from others. A 2020 study concluded that the public reaction depends on whether observers interpret the confidence as warranted competence or as an unfounded sense of superiority.
13. You don’t go along to get along
Polarizing men and women never follow the crowd. They make the rules and break them if they think it is a good idea to do so. Your ability to say no when you feel the need to can alienate you or cause you to lose favor, but your self-conviction wouldn’t have it any other way.
14. You get tense discussions started
Polarizing people is known to get others arguing. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing because there are times when things should certainly be hashed out. Your courage to speak your mind inspires others to do the same.
Marriage and family therapist Ann Naimark explains that courageous people don't worry about being rejected when they need to voice their truth. They recognize the importance of saying what needs to be said, even when it creates tension.
15. You have something special about you
People are drawn to you. They can’t put their finger on it, but there is something about you that makes them hang on your every word. You influence to captivate and fascinate others who are willing to follow you to the ends of the earth.
According to a 2021 study, the perceived social value of uniqueness and individualism varies across cultures. Western cultures tend to embrace standing out, while collectivistic cultures, like Japanese culture, often value being normal.
16. You're a hard pill to swallow
Your comments and questions can come off as hard or annoying. Some will see it as abrasive, and others will marvel at your swagger. Your word can cut deeply, and there are times that you hurt other people inadvertently (or not so inadvertently), causing their disdain for you.
17. You can be manipulative
Because you think you are the person who understands pretty much everything better than anyone else, you can be manipulative. You might lie to or gaslight people who disagree with you, and do the same thing to your followers just to get what you want.
18. You sometimes take advantage of your polarizing status
When you know better, you should do better. Polarizing people are different from those who do something polarizing, regret it, and change for the better. They know they are divisive and will, from time to time, create chaos just because they can.
A polarizing figure provides a strong sense of identity for their followers, a 2022 study found. By defining an ‘us versus them’ mindset, they offer a clear worldview that fulfills the basic human need to belong to a cohesive group.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
