If You Notice These 5 Behaviors, You’re Dealing With A Toxic Person Who Lives For Drama
These drama kings and queens need to stir the pot.
Wolf Art | Pexels There's no shortage of toxic people in the world. Some are more obvious (like the ex-partner who used to gaslight you to no end), but some are more subtle. They may have some questionable behaviors, ones that might make you second-guess if they're really a bad person.
Licensed therapist Jeffrey Meltzer, known on TikTok as @therapytothepoint, posted a video describing five specific behaviors that indicate someone is toxic and lives for drama, which might help you spot the toxic people in your own life.
If you notice these 5 behaviors, you're dealing with a toxic person who lives for drama:
1. They stir the pot when things are calm
Existing in peace feels uncomfortable to toxic people, because they're so familiar with constant tension and stress. When they can't find drama elsewhere, they're willing to create it to give themselves a sense of purpose. Knowing that they were the ones to introduce the drama makes them feel in control.
Psychologist Dr. Scott Lyons explained, "Their inability to control (or predict) the external world leads to feeling overwhelmed, helpless, and victimized. This is something all of us experience, but it’s acute for those with a propensity for drama." He went on to detail, "Say you take the wrong exit from a traffic circle. For many people, it’s a minor inconvenience or mistake. But to the drama addict, it’s an unfair catastrophe that happened to them."
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"If a group is getting along, they'll drop a subtle jab, make a side comment, or share a rumor just to watch the reaction," Meltzer explained. They may even sabotage a situation subconsciously because of past trauma or habits that make them feel better in chaotic environments.
2. They always make themselves look like the victim
In every situation, they always find a way to blame someone else. This is a strategy to garner attention and sympathy from others and to satiate their need to feel validated. Playing the victim is a common tactic in emotional manipulation.
According to Meltzer, "Even if they started the argument or escalated the situation, somehow the narrative ends up with everyone else being the villain." They might exaggerate what happened, or even just straight up lie, but they'll never paint themselves in a bad light.
3. They LOVE gossip
Toxic people take gossiping to another level. They probably have low self-esteem, and talking negatively about others makes them feel superior. By spotlighting other people's flaws or shortcomings, they're avoiding acknowledging their own.
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"Gossip isn't just casual chatter for them, it's fuel," said Meltzer. "Talking about other people's drama distracts them from their own problems and lets them feel powerful for a moment, because they hold information that others don't." This is another strategy that toxic people might use to manipulate a situation, as they can create doubt or confusion among others.
4. They exaggerate small problems
A little misunderstanding or miscommunication can quickly turn into a huge fight with toxic people. Even the tiniest mistake is made out to be the end of the world, because blowing things out of proportion is what they do best.
Meltzer shared, "They amplify minor issues because big emotions give the drama meaning and keep it alive." Letting things go isn't their style, and they thrive off the chaos of dealing with a problem.
5. They continue to bring up problems that have already been resolved
Toxic people hold tight to grudges. After a problem has been settled, they'll still bring it up days, weeks, months, or even years later. They might use it as ammunition in a different, completely unrelated argument because they can't let go of the fact that they feel like they've been wronged.
Bringing up these old problems is more than just drama; it's a dopamine hit. Author and natural health expert Karolyn A. Gazella explained that for the drama-obsessed, "the reward region in the brain is activated, which causes a sharp increase in dopamine that triggers a craving for a certain substance or activity. With repetition, the person becomes willing to endure even negative consequences to obtain the reward."
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"For someone who loves drama, closure feels like a loss," Meltzer said. "Drama is what gives their life meaning." To toxic people, rehashing old problems is comforting because they see it as a justification for how they act.
Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor's degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
