Women Who Make Terrible Friends Usually Say These 11 Phrases Without Realizing It
These little comments reveal a lot about the kind of friend she really is.
GaudiLab | Shutterstock Every woman dreams of having that ride-or-die best friend — the one who's got your back no matter what, who celebrates your wins and holds you up when you fall. But for a lot of women, that dream of sisterhood has been crushed by disappointment after disappointment. From friends who gossip behind your back to the ones who suddenly ghost without warning, few things sting more than realizing the person you trusted wasn't a friend at all.
The truth is, women who make terrible friends don't always mean to be toxic. Often, it shows up in the way they talk — little phrases they toss out without thinking that reveal a lot about their insecurities, jealousy, or lack of empathy. These phrases are things you don't want to ignore, because the words we use say more about us than we realize.
Women who make terrible friends usually say these 11 phrases without realizing it:
1. ‘I would never do that’
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Women who make terrible friends usually say, "I would never do that," without realizing it. Listen, as much as people want to believe they're free of toxic behaviors, the reality is that every man and woman is bound to make mistakes.
Whether it's going off on someone or spilling the beans even though they shouldn't have, it's important to acknowledge the human in us all. Yet, women who utter this phrase truly don't see themselves the same way others do. Maybe it's because they haven't done the inner work, but there's no denying that women are much more similar than they realize.
According to Psychology Today, "Humans are far more similar than they are different, and more interconnected than most individuals realize." So, while it might be tempting to say this, the truth is that everyone makes mistakes, and they are no exception.
2. ‘I’m just being honest’
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There's nothing wrong with a little bit of honesty. After all, true friends are people who can lay down the truth from a place of love. Even so, women who make terrible friends usually say, "I'm just being honest," without realizing it. Sure, they might be trying to be truthful, but honesty isn't always the best policy.
Whether it's saying, "That outfit looks terrible," or "He can do better than you," some harsh truths cut a bit too close. So, while it's great to be upfront, unless someone gave permission or someone can change their outfit in a minute or two, it's best to keep those opinions to oneself.
As relationship therapist Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D., said, "The truth about honesty is that honesty is not always the best policy." So, even if someone wants to be upfront and honest, remember: always ask first and always be polite when being honest. While the truth may sting, coming from a place of genuine love and respect helps more than they think.
3. ‘You’re so lucky I’m your friend’
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There's always that one friend people have that they're grateful for. Whether it's a friend they've had since high school or one they met recently, these friendships are crucial when hard times inevitably come knocking on their doorstep. With this in mind, though, women who make terrible friends usually say, "You're so lucky I'm your friend without," realizing it.
Sure, some people might say this in jest and truly might mean nothing by it. However, if it's during an argument or when tensions are clearly high, this is a sign that someone should pack their bags immediately. While they might be thankful, insinuating that someone is 'lucky' is insinuating that they are undeserving.
And as most can imagine, friendships built on a superiority complex rarely last long. As clinical psychologist Robert Puff, Ph.D., said, "The backbone of any successful friendship is one where both sides put in equal effort and support." So, never utter this phrase. Even if someone feels this way, it's important to remember that in the same way they're lucky to have you, you're fortunate to have them.
4. ‘I’m not trying to be mean, but…’
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Has any sentence ever been considered good when someone starts with the word "but"? While some might not see it as a deal breaker, women who tend to be terrible friends often say, "I'm not trying to be mean, but..." as they get older. If you have to preface a remark with that phrase, you're probably being unkind.
As licensed psychologist Jonice Webb, Ph.D., explained, "By being self-described 'straight shooters,' the brutally honest risk hurting the feelings of the receiver, raising their defenses so that they want to distance and protect themselves instead of responding in a useful way."
With that being said, there are ways to utter the truth without completely ruining a friendship in the process. In a private room, saying, "Hey, I noticed...," could also be a way to break the news. While the truth hurts regardless, it's better to rip off the band-aid than sugar coat it.
5. ‘It was just a joke’
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Another thing women who make terrible friends usually say without realizing it is, "It was just a joke." Sure, in their eyes, they might view it as a joke, but if it's actively hurting someone around them, then is it really all that funny?
In today's society, men and women are frequently told that feeling offended makes them 'too sensitive.' Instead, they are encouraged to hide their emotions to maintain peace. However, this approach is unhelpful, and suppressing emotions has rarely led to positive outcomes. According to a study in 2023, emotional suppression is linked to poor health outcomes as a result of stress.
This is why it's important to apologize, especially if someone accidentally offended a friend without realizing it. Even though apologizing can be difficult, most people who apologize never regret their decision. When their friendships are still strong and they've grown as individuals, most women appreciate the learning experience.
6. ‘It’s hard to get along with other women’
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If a woman says she struggles to get along with other women, run! Sorry to say it, but women who make terrible friends usually say, "It's hard to get along with other women," without even realizing it. Now, on the outside, they might not see anything wrong with this phrase.
Maybe they've been stung before in the past and, because of it, don't feel safe making friends with other women. However, one woman's mistakes don't account for all women. Believe it or not, there are women out there who refuse to degrade others and are overall very uplifting.
This makes sense, as according to a study published in 2007, women are more empathetic than men are. So, if a woman can't get along with other women, it might just be a problem with them.
7. ‘She’s just jealous of you’
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There's no greater frustration than having someone make valid criticisms against another woman, just for said woman's friend to turn around and say, "She's just jealous of you." However, that's exactly what happens as women who make terrible friends usually say this phrase without even realizing it.
Not everything stems from jealousy. While some women may find this hard to accept, others recognize that valid criticism is essential for growth. As licensed social worker Melody Wilding, LMSW, explained, "When processed productively, criticism can help boost one's confidence and be a key part of personal and professional growth."
Unfortunately, women who make terrible friends don't understand this, too wrapped up in defending their friends to realize how toxic their behavior truly is. Being a ride or die is great, but true friends respectfully address issues when necessary. Otherwise, they risk unintentionally hindering their friend's growth.
8. ‘I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking’
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Another thing women who make terrible friends usually say without realizing it is, “I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking.” On the outside, women who make terrible friends might view this as a kindness.
Being honest and upfront is far preferable to lying or sugar-coating. However, suggesting that you understand everyone else's opinions based on just one or two conversations isn’t just dishonest — it’s also harmful.
Whether we like it or not, everyone wants to fit in and be liked. That’s why saying, ‘Everyone else is thinking it,’ is such a harmful statement. Not only are women isolating others based on what they believe to be true, but they’re also not being honest and are instead using this statement to control how others should react or feel.
9. ‘I’m not like everyone else’
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Sure, it might not sound flattering, but the truth is that most people are quite similar. Even if they come from different backgrounds, there’s always something that connects us. Whether it’s shared music tastes, family values, or religious views, similarities don’t just disappear because you claim to be different.
This is why women who make terrible friends often say, without realizing it, “I’m not like everyone else.” Maybe they see themselves this way, but there’s no denying that we are all human and, as a result, prone to making mistakes.
Everyone has moments of weakness, like betraying friends or gossiping, but it's important to remember that no one is perfect. Sometimes, people might see themselves as 'superior' because they struggle to recognize their own flaws. Recognizing our imperfections helps us grow and understand others better, creating a more compassionate perspective.
10. 'Wow, must be nice'
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Jealousy is a natural emotion that every woman goes through. No matter how much 'inner work' she has done, it often feels insufficient. Being a human being often means being flawed, especially when it comes to one's insecurity. Even so, women who make terrible friends usually say, "Wow, must be nice," without even realizing it.
Most women don't intend harm when they say this phrase. While their jealousy is genuine, how they handle that emotion can either harm or help them.
As psychologist and associate professor Jessica Koehler, Ph.D., suggested, "Use these comparisons as motivation for your growth and achievement. Viewing others as sources of inspiration rather than competition can foster a healthier mindset and diminish the power of envy."
That said, never say this phrase without doing the inner work; otherwise, they might hold themselves back from becoming the best version of themselves.
11. ‘Why are you making a big deal out of this?’
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Finally, the last thing women who make terrible friends usually say without realizing it is, “Why are you making a big deal out of this?” There are two types of women in this world: those who can admit they are wrong and those who disguise their mistakes by placing blame on the victim.
Many women will do their best to meet their loved ones where they are, even if they don’t understand them. Unfortunately, not all women are like this; some struggle to relate or show empathy. Whether it’s because they can’t reflect or simply don’t care, these women will shame their friends or partners because they can’t understand anything outside of their own views.
So, if someone is struggling to make good friends and keeps saying this every time they mess up, maybe try looking in the mirror. While it’s a tough pill to swallow, reflection can help women become the best version of themselves.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
