Women Who Don't Really Trust Anyone In Their Lives Usually Do These 11 Things Without Any Help
Bricolage | Shutterstock While unresolved childhood trauma and adverse experiences early in life can often be responsible for a person’s trust issues, according to a study from Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation, sometimes, the root cause of a person’s isolation and loneliness is more nuanced.
From coping with self-esteem by leaning on avoidance to dealing with chronic anxiety by over-preparing, women who don’t really trust anyone in their lives usually do these things without any help. They’re not necessarily seeking control, although many women in these situations are, but living and coping in the only ways they know how.
Women who don’t really trust anyone in their lives usually do these 11 things without any help
1. They over-prepare for everything
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For people who refuse to delegate their responsibilities, ask for help, or seek support from others when they’re facing adversity, over-preparation can offer them a powerful sense of control. Despite often sparking more anxiety and worry in their everyday routines, keeping their nervous systems stuck in fight or flight mode, they can cling to control by always expecting the worst.
If they can prepare for every single situation or anything that might go wrong, they can prevent themselves from having to admit they need help or ask for it directly.
2. They manage their emotions alone
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Many women who have trust issues struggle to let down their emotional walls and allow people to see a more vulnerable side of themselves. They struggle to ask for support or lean on partners and friends to vent their emotions, even if it isolates them in a cycle of loneliness and fear.
While these trust issues are often a survival instinct for people who grew up in unstable home environments and without healthy people and relationships to rely on for help, practicing them in adulthood and offering space for people to prove their trust is powerful for a sense of emotional stability and connection.
3. They care for their own needs
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Asking for help is often a struggle for everyone. However, these moments of connection and support are mutually beneficial. You’re not only receiving support to lessen your stress and obligations, but you’re cultivating a sense of importance and meaning for others that deepens the bond you share in the relationship, at least according to a Stanford Report.
Women who don’t really trust anyone in their lives usually care for their own needs without any help. They don’t want to fall into a pattern where they’re too reliant on others for security, comfort, or love, so they isolate themselves to feel more in control. They want to be “strong,” even if they’re ironically pushing away the vulnerability and connection that secures their relationships and self-esteem.
4. They form their routines individually
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Many women who struggle with trust lean heavily into solitude and alone time, rather than social connection and community. They prefer not to be wary of how they’re showing up for others or worried about if plans will change at the last minute, so they cling to the power and autonomy they have when they’re alone in their own company.
However, as a study from World Psychiatry explains, belonging and social connection are wildly important for our physical and mental well-being. If we spend too much time alone, it stops being grounding and mindful, and becomes lonely and isolating.
5. They balance all their tasks alone
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Especially for women who hold themselves to unrealistic, perfectionist standards, accepting help from others and delegating tasks in their relationships can feel impossible. They need to feel important at the hands of their “to-do lists,” but they also struggle to loosen their grip when they’ve set such impossible high standards for themselves.
Of course, delegating in the workplace offers meaningful work for others and tends to relieve personal stress, but this kind of task management is also essential in personal routines. When you lean on other people to bear the burdens of daily life and seek support from close relationships, you allow more clarity, ease, and mindfulness in.
However, women who don’t really trust anyone in thier lives usually do these things without any help. They don’t trust other people to complete things to the same standard as they can, and often feel a loss of control by relying on others for a sense of comfort and stability.
6. They get through adversity with avoidance
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According to relationship coach Annie Tanasugarn, hyper-independence is often a trauma response for people who have been through situations or a childhood where their needs were consistently unmet. They felt hopeless and powerless, and now, as adults, they cling to their power and control through hyper-independence, even if it comes at the expense of connection and healthy relationships.
When they rely on other people, they feel like they’re losing a sense of control and power. They’re always worried that someone’s going to let them down or that their sense of control will get too wrapped up in another person’s presence.
7. They intellectualize their feelings
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Using reason, rather than mindfulness, in the face of complex emotions, is often a defense mechanism for people who struggle with coping and feeling their emotions. For women who don’t trust anyone in their lives to support them or acknowledge their emotions from the same perspective that they can, they prefer to use logic and reason to invalidate themselves and push away complex feelings.
For them, understanding feels safer than mindfulness. Even if it feels comforting for them, it often sabotages their relationships and vulnerability, making it harder for them to sit with and make space for everyone’s emotions without immediately trying to “logic” them away.
8. They celebrate their own wins
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Being validated and feeling like we belong is a natural human desire, but many women with unresolved trauma or self-esteem issues struggle with being “seen” by others. They suppress their emotions and wear a mask in social situations, all because they want to protect that vulnerable side of themselves from being perceived and taking away the “control” they have in their lives.
These women, who don’t really trust anyone in their lives, tend to celebrate themselves alone for that reason. They’re uncomfortable being the center of attention and prefer to celebrate without other people around, because it prevents them from feeling reliant on others for a sense of peace.
Of course, experts like psychologist Marwa Azab do argue that keeping personal goals and dreams to yourself can promote better progress and motivation, completely disconnecting from a need to be validated and celebrated by others can cultivate a very lonely, isolated life.
9. They comfort themselves during hardship
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According to professor Nadav Klein, the only true measure of whether or not someone is trustworthy is to place your trust in them. You have to accept someone’s small bids of honesty and trust to reaffirm that trust, but if you’re always second-guessing someone or relying on hyper-independence for security in a relationship, chances are you’re not feeding into real trust in the relationship.
That’s why women who struggle to trust anyone in their lives often turn inward when they’re facing hardship. They don’t rely on other people for comfort because it threatens the complete control they need to feel for stability in their lives. Even if it comes at the expense of healthy relationships, they’re only reliant on themselves.
10. They make big decisions without feedback
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Many women who don’t really trust anyone in their lives usually make big decisions without any feedback or help. Even if they’re in a relationship, they take on a great deal of responsibility for the future of their own lives, sometimes in ways that sabotage the foundations of trust, respect, and balance with each other.
They’re more worried about their own well-being and future to acknowledge how invalidating it is for a partner or friend to feel overlooked about big life changes and decisions.
11. They solve conflicts internally first
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From thinking about what they’re going to say and planning the entire conversation in their heads or trying to solve conflicts internally without addressing the person at all, women who don’t really trust anyone in their lives usually do these things without any help.
While a University of Georgia study argues that conflict resolution can feed into personal well-being and long-term health, if one person is taking on the obligation of resolution themselves, without leaning on the other or keeping them in the loop for hard conversations, it can do the opposite.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
