The Art Of Holding A Grudge: 9 Personality Types Who Just Can’t Let Stuff Go
Why you find it hard to forgive, based on your personality type.
Johnathan Cooper | Unsplash We all hold grudges in our lives. They can be very difficult to let go, even if we want to.
Sometimes it takes time, or apologies, or you may even just let it go, but everyone handles their hurt in different ways. You just have to do what is best for you — and what's best for you may depend on your Myers-Briggs personality type.
While some Myers-Briggs personality types seem to be able to brush things off right away, others tend to hold on to their hurt and take their sweet time forgiving and forgetting. And it's related to the letters in each category of your type.
The Myers-Briggs types are broken down into four dimensions: Extraversion (E) or Introversion (I), Sensing (S) or INtuition (N), Thinking (T) or Feeling (F), and Judging (J) or Perceiving (P). The fourth dimension or section (Judging or Perceiving) relates to how you deal with the world.
So, for example, types with the Sensing (S) and Introversion (I) traits may be more likely to hold grudges, as they tend to focus a lot on past experiences, inner sensations, and memory.
Additionally, types with the Judging (J) trait tend to be more structured and decisive in their thinking, which makes them more inclined to maintain a grudge; they have a clear understanding of the situation and may feel that their "judgment" was justified.
However, there's more to holding a grudge than a personality type. Still, we can glean a little guidance from our MBTIs.
Here are 9 personality types who just can’t let stuff go:
1. ENFJ
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ENFJs sometimes hold grudges. They usually hold a grudge when they have to be near anyone they do not like. They will try to be nice because they don't want to be seen as rude.
But they only hold a grudge when someone does them wrong in a major way. They don't hold grudges for little things.
They are leaders, and ENFJs like to inspire others to be the best they can be. They believe that everyone should be their authentic self. As genuinely caring people, they like the idea that they can help others become better versions of themselves.
2. ENTJ
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ENTJs value trust, and when their trust is broken, they can hold a grudge. They only hold grudges as a way of protecting themselves from being betrayed again.
They are very dominant people, and they can be relentless. So, if they feel challenged, they will do whatever it takes to come out on top.
They don't handle emotional situations well and can overpower the other person's feelings when they try to protect themselves from being hurt.
ENTJs value decisive action and closure. If a situation feels unresolved or someone avoids accountability, they may hold a grudge until the matter is settled. Because they are less likely to have an emotional outburst, they tend to analyze the situation logically, which can lead them to internalize their feelings before acting on them.
3. ESTP
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ESTPs can hold a mean grudge. But when they hold a grudge, it usually means they still care about the person who has committed the wrongdoing.
The ESTP must stop caring for them to not hold a grudge anymore. And if their trust is betrayed, they will struggle to forgive anyone who hurts them.
ESTPs make direct impacts on the environment around them. They often get caught up in the moment with passion, and can sometimes overpower someone else's needs and wants.
4. INFJ
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INFJs will forgive to a certain extent and will give their loved ones many attempts and chances to change, until someone gets fed up with the way they are acting.
Once they have had enough, INFJs will remove that person from their life completely and permanently. They cut these people out of their lives because they don't want to be hurt or used anymore.
INFJs have that part of themselves that knows when they need to step back and take care of themselves. They try to avoid confrontations in any way possible; they just never want to hurt someone.
Grudges are often rooted in the INFJ's vulnerability and sense of betrayal, especially after they have opened up to someone they love who then hurts them deeply. Because they place such a high value on authenticity, they can be particularly hurt when someone they trust acts in a way that contradicts those values.
5. ISTJ
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ISTJs truly hold a grudge when they are deeply hurt. And if they are hurt by someone close to them, they will remove this person from their life immediately.
It's hard for ISTJs to trust other people, so they have a hard time letting someone in. Once they do and are then hurt or betrayed, they have an even harder time trusting people.
ISTJs are very calm, practical, and reasonable in their daily life. But they can be a bit judgmental and hard on themselves. They often feel responsible for lots of situations, so, with a grudge, they probably blame themselves a lot of the time for letting themselves get hurt.
6. ESTJ
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ESTJs hold really strong grudges even though they want to forgive. And they may forgive (eventually), but they may not truly trust that person ever again.
ESTJs are very strong-willed people and don't give in. But this can come off as being super stubborn and judgmental. Still, they have to do what's best for themselves to take care of themselves.
While not all ESTJs hold grudges, the tendency can arise when their deeply held principles are violated or their expectations are unmet. For an ESTJ, a grudge can serve as proof of what they have suffered, reinforcing their boundaries.
7. ISFJ
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ISFJs do not like negativity but can still hold major grudges. They are willing to forgive if the person who has wronged them apologizes and makes amends. But it takes a lot for an ISFJ to really let things go.
They are very loyal. They hide their feelings, but once they reach the point where they have had enough, they will not back down.
8. INTJ
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INTJs don't necessarily hold grudges, but they will cut people out of their lives if they are not loyal or worth their time. INTJs want people around them that they can trust and connect with on a much deeper level, and remove people from their lives who do not benefit them.
INTJs are open-minded people. But once they are hurt, they can dislike someone with such a passion that they will not be able to shake it for a long time.
Unlike feeling types, INTJs are more likely to hold grudges based on intellectual or strategic reasons, such as untrustworthiness or incompetence. They are not usually prone to holding grudges over minor emotional slights because they are less focused on emotions, but they are very unlikely to forgive a breach of trust or competence.
9. ESFJ
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ESFJs try not to hold grudges because they would prefer to let things go. But ESFJs can inadvertently hold grudges without even realizing it sometimes. They may not even understand their own feelings.
ESFJs are very loyal and have a strong sense of duty, but when they are hurt, they become vulnerable and reluctant to change. This is why they become defensive and protect themselves from being hurt again.
Emily Francos is a writer and book editor for The Urban Writers. She received a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French. Her work has been featured on YourTango, Unwritten, and MSN, where she's written about pop culture, relationships, astrology, and trending entertainment and news.
