12 Types Of People Brilliant Women Never Tolerate
Setting boundaries is their expertise.
GalacticDreamer | Shutterstock The people you surround yourself with play an incredibly important role in your everyday life and well-being. If you’re spending every night cuddled up with a toxic partner, of course you’re going to feel more drained, insecure, and unhappy in the morning. The same goes for co-workers in an office or friends in a social circle. According to therapist John Kim, these people influence how we behave, perceive the world, and take care of ourselves, even if it’s subtle and subconscious.
That’s why empowered, strong, and brilliant women often avoid certain kinds of people in their everyday life, even if the temptations of their allure and charisma try to convince them otherwise. From manipulators to emotionally draining friends, the types of people brilliant women never tolerate are the same ones that subtly sabotage and derail their peers' happiness and success.
Here are 12 types of people brilliant women never tolerate
1. The mansplainer
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The “mansplainer,” otherwise known as a condescending man who often converses with women under the assumption that they don’t understand or have the capacity to understand what they’re saying, is one of the types of people brilliant women never tolerate.
They’re happy to learn from other people, put themselves in rooms with people who have more expertise than them do, and listen to voices different from their own, but only under the condition that they’re respected. And these men, who are often simplistic and overconfident, hardly offer that.
Especially considering that women tend to believe their competence is being questioned in these situations, compared to men in similar conversations around the same issues, it’s not surprising that brilliant women refuse to tolerate them. Of course, they have productive conversations with men all the time, but when they’re not respected or appreciated for their intellect, it’s not worth fighting for attention.
2. The emotional vampire
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Emotional vampires drain the energy from everyone around them — not just on a physical level, but also internally on an emotional one. Whether it’s constantly needing support in a crisis, refusing to take accountability, or pressuring people to make decisions that aren’t in their best interests, it’s no surprise that these kinds of draining people are turn-offs for brilliant women.
People in secure relationships with strong emotional bonds often feel more joy in life than those who don’t, so there’s no denying that things like partners and friends are important. However, when having those relationships comes at the expense of personal well-being and energy, they’re not adding value and meaning in the ways we’d hope for.
3. The chronic complainer
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Negativity is contagious, so if you’re around a chronic complainer all the time, chances are you’re going to be left more unhappy and drained the second they leave the room. They’re always complaining about something or the victim of someone else’s mistakes but, of course, never their own.
This is part of the reason why people who are always complaining tend to isolate themselves from others, like psychotherapist William Berry explains. They’re always bringing negative energy into conversations to complain, but never taking any action or accepting the uncomfortable change that comes with growth.
However, brilliant women are often driven by the pursuit of learning from others and personal growth. Their routines, relationships, and conversations are all tailored around being a better person for themselves and others, so of course, a chronic complainer is someone they refuse to tolerate. Now, everyone complains every once in a while, but a brilliant woman does it to vent, then moves on and makes a change.
4. The flake
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Reliability is something that brilliant women pride themselves on. They make promises they know they can keep, show up for the people that matter to them, and keep their commitments, even if it means shouldering a bit of personal discomfort every once in a while. However, flaky friends often do the opposite — putting their comfort about everyone else, even at the expense of a relationship.
Whether it’s cancelling at the last minute or making an excuse that isolates them from others, they often leave the people in their lives feeling consistently overlooked and disappointed. That’s why they’re one of the types of people brilliant women never tolerate.
They’d prefer to craft a social circle that shows up for them no matter what — whether it’s a crisis where they need support or a dinner plan they’ve set and been looking forward to all week.
5. The overconfident faker
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Overconfidence is often associated with inaccuracy and incompetence, according to a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The more overconfident a person is in selling their skills, the more likely they are to struggle with following through or succeeding on the back end of things.
Brilliant women often know they’re capable of handling hardship, succeeding in the workplace, and being skillful, but their intellectual humility carries them even farther than an overconfident faker. They know when to stand up for themselves and prove their worth, but they’re not urging everyone to praise them for skills that they haven’t yet offered or shown.
That’s why they tend to avoid overconfident people, both at work and in their personal lives. They’re not interested in feeding someone’s ego and playing into their charade, especially when they know they’ll have to clean up their mess down the road.
6. The person who’s always in a ‘crisis’
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We all run into hardship at some point in our lives or find ourselves in the thick of “bad luck” with one crisis after another. However, chances are you know someone who lives in a perpetual state of “crises.” The truth is, these people are one of two things: either struggling with a personality disorder, or constantly reveling in drama and seeking attention.
These people are constantly seeking out and spreading drama. They need support without ever giving it in return. They burden people with their crises, even when they’re perfectly capable of solving and managing on their own. They never take accountability, either, because they frame themselves as the victim of bad luck or the universe’s karma, even when they’re the ones making mistakes.
Brilliant women have no problem supporting their friends, but subjecting themselves to constant negativity, drama, and emotional drain isn’t something they’re interested in promoting.
7. The indefinitely insecure friend
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Insecure people with poor coping skills often seek attention and validation from others, lean into the toxicity of social comparison, and bring others down for their own comfort. That’s why they’re one of the types of people brilliant women never tolerate in their lives — they refuse to have their success undermined and their confidence shackled by an insecure “friend.”
Of course, even the most brilliant women struggle with insecurities and confidence from time to time, but their emotional intelligence supplies them with the regulation skills and perspective to move forward. They may need a moment of self-care or reflection to return to their best selves, but their insecurities don’t predict attention-seeking behaviors or endless comparison.
Essentially, the indefinitely insecure friend isn’t a “bad” person because of their confidence, or rather, the lack thereof, but because of the ways they cope with it and regulate themselves in the face of feelings of inadequacy.
8. The chronic victim
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A person stuck in a chronic victim mentality often blames others for their own mistakes, struggles to take accountability, and refuses to trust other people, even when they’ve proven themselves. Everything they deal with on a daily basis and all the struggles they navigate are never a fault of their own, but some other person or the universe’s bad luck “punishing” them.
They want other people to solve their problems and rescue them from the consequences of their own mistakes. However, brilliant women refuse to engage in this behavior. They take pride in their accountable routines, find learning opportunities in their mistakes, and refuse to tolerate a person who relies more on blame-shifting than personal growth.
9. The gossip
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The perpetual gossip is one of the types of people brilliant women never tolerate. They’re the kind of person who always has drama following them, will talk negatively about anyone behind their back, and often leverages and weaponizes other people’s insecurities for their own advantage.
They always want to be “in the know” or in the spotlight, even if it’s at the expense of trust in their personal relationships. Rather than trying to set boundaries with these people, brilliant women walk away — unwilling to shoulder and consume any of their constant negative energy.
10. The know-it-all
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The know-it-all always has to be the center of attention. Even in a room of people more intelligent and skilled than they are, they’re taking away time from productive conversations for the sake of feeding their own ego and garnering external validation.
Whether they’re cocky, egotistical, or overconfident, they never grow because they’re too busy putting on a show to learn from others and truly listen.
11. The emotional manipulator
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Emotional manipulators are a type of person that brilliant women never tolerate. While they can take on different forms — like a gaslighter, chronic victim, or insecure partner — they tend to leverage similar tactics, trying to break a person down so they’re easier to take advantage of.
They’re often so insidious, even in the lives of intelligent and strong-willed women, because emotional manipulators have a strong sense of emotional intelligence, according to a study from Sage Open. They know how to understand, perceive, and use emotions in such a deep way that they can manipulate others on the basis of their own insecurities and fears.
However, brilliant women often notice their tactics early on, whether it’s playing the victim or being unable to take genuine accountability, before they have a chance to fall into the spiral of manipulation that traps people in toxic relationship dynamics.
12. The jealous friend
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Defined by their fake positivity and negative energy, a jealous friend often struggles to truly be happy for the people in their life, because they’re always coping with their own feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. You’ll never catch these people clapping for other people’s success or helping someone achieve their goals, because those things trigger their own feelings of despair.
On top of that, the jealous friend is notorious for spreading rumors and talking negatively behind other people’s backs — trying to sabotage a person’s reputation to make themselves feel better. While close friends may be more prone to this kind of jealousy, it’s possible to walk away and set boundaries, even with someone you thought was your best friend.
That’s why these are the types of people brilliant women refuse to tolerate. They cultivate a social circle that’s not only uplifting but equally ambitious and supportive. They want to celebrate other people’s wins and be inspired, just as much as they want to feel the love when they thrive.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
