Truly Happy People Refuse To Waste Time On These 10 Joy-Draining Things
Lana Iva | Shutterstock Happiness takes many different forms. It can come in short bursts of excitement, like when we receive good news, or it can be a prolonged sense of fulfillment over the course of a lifetime. Some say that happiness is less of a feeling and more of a state of mind. According to positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky, happiness can be defined as "the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one's life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile."
But sometimes, happiness can seem elusive. And for someone who isn't sure what to do, they may stay deep in those dreadful feelings. Luckily, they could learn a thing or two from genuinely content individuals, because truly happy people who are determined to stay that way never waste time on certain joy-draining things. Once they take the steps to level up their sense of joy, they start living for themselves and no one else.
Truly happy people never waste time on these 10 joy-draining things:
1. Overcommitting to their jobs
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It's well established that overworking leads to acute burnout, yet many people still push themselves to their limit when it comes to their jobs. They respond to emails after-hours and work on weekends. They neglect their need for down time, even when they're off the clock.
In fact, 47% of workers in the U.S. feel guilty for planning vacations; 54% reported working even when they did take vacation, and 59% said they have trouble tuning out of their work mindset while taking time off.
But people who are truly happy know that work-life balance is about separating their professional lives from their personal lives. They set clear boundaries around their jobs so they complete the tasks at hand without giving away too much of themselves.
The key to real happiness is taking care of yourself and cultivating a life beyond your job. This might mean setting time aside each day just for yourself, where you get to explore new activities or do something that nourishes you, like reading, or listening to music, or sharing a meal with the people you love.
2. People-pleasing
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Truly happy people who are determined to stay that way never waste time on the joy-draining activity of people-pleasing those around them. They don't rely on external validation to feel complete, which means they refuse to overextend themselves for someone else's benefit.
People-pleasing is a hard habit to break, but the first step is acknowledging that you have inherent worth, regardless of how you perform for others. According to clinical therapist Terry Gaspard, people-pleasers develop a habit of putting other people's needs before their own. She described people-pleasers as those who "go out of their way to make sure someone else is happy, to the detriment of their happiness."
Gaspard shared actionable steps people can take to honor themselves first, like pursuing things that are important to them and learning to set limits around what they do for others. People who have found true happiness understand that saying "no" is a reasonable, healthy way to maintain relationships.
3. Ignoring their own needs
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Pushing yourself to reach your goals is an admirable trait, but doing so at the expense of your well-being is a recipe for rapid burnout. But truly happy people understand that they can work hard to achieve their dreams while paying attention to what they need.
When they're tired, they rest. When they're upset, they do something that lifts their spirits, like reaching out to a friend for support or reminding themselves what they're grateful for. They pay close attention to the messages their bodies send, and they respect themselves enough to listen and respond to their practical and emotional needs.
4. Toxic friends
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Whether it's toxic friends who condescending or simply suck the energy out of a room, truly happy people who are determined to stay that way never waste time on these joy-draining things. They know that not all friendships are built to stand the test of time, and have no problem removing toxic people from their lives.
A toxic friend might make you feel good in the moment, but over time, their attitude and actions will likely erode whatever sense of comfort and trust you had in them. Life coach Kelly Rudolph revealed specific questions you can ask to determine if you're stuck in a toxic friendship, including, "How do I feel about myself when I'm around them?"
Truly happy people cultivate relationships that nurture their sense of self, and they don't hesitate to cut someone off if that person is dragging them down. They recognize their own worth and won't entertain fake friendships.
5. Avoiding their emotions
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Joyful, happy people aren't always content, but they understand that a key part of feeling good is letting themselves feel bad, too. As psychologist Nick Wignall explained, emotionally secure people face their feelings head-on, even the ones that hurt. "Ignoring your feelings often leads to relief in the moment," he noted. "But in the long run, it's a setup for emotional insecurity and poor resilience."
We have to let ourselves feel pain and sadness in order to feel happy. Refusing to acknowledge our feelings will only leave us numb. Allowing ourselves to experience the full range of our emotions is necessary for long-term happiness.
6. Not accepting their body
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Accepting ourselves for who we are isn't easy, especially when we're bombarded by society's rigid beauty standards and our own harsh self-criticism. But for happy people, even if they may not love themselves all the time, they fully understand that their self-worth isn't tied to what they look like.
They truly understand that beauty is so much more than skin-deep. Even on days when their self-esteem is sinking, they look in the mirror and focus on the positives. We can't shame our way into loving ourself. But the more we appreciate the bodies we have, the more forgiving of ourselves we can be.
7. Too much screen time
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The negative effects of too much screen time for children have been meticulously reported, yet adults are also at risk for the damages of being overly-connected. It's become almost too easy to live vicariously through our phones, which can have majorly detrimental consequences for our well-being.
According to a study published in Preventive Medicine Reports, people who spend six or more hours a day on their devices have a higher risk for depression. Additionally, experts recommend that adults limit their screen time when they're not working to under two hours a day.
Instead of swiping through other people's social media and feeling bad about themselves, happy people they fill their downtime with things that nurture them, like inspiring conversations, household projects, and breathing fresh air. Putting down our phones lets us live our fullest lives, solely for ourselves and not according to anyone else's standards.
8. Perfectionism
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Genuinely happy people who are determined to stay that way have let go of the idea that everything has to be perfect, including themselves. It's not that they have lower standards, they just know that reaching for perfection is an impossible task, one that brings only misery and dissatisfaction.
They're fully aware of their own flaws. When they make mistakes, they apologize to the people they've hurt and focus on repairing the relationships. There's no one-size-fits-all way of living, and they do the best they can with the tools they have.
9. Dwelling on the past
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It's easy to get caught up in the past, ruminating on mistakes and bad choices. But truly happy people who are determined to stay that way never waste time on these joy-draining things, choosing instead to focus on the here and now, and how they can make their lives better in every way.
As clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer pointed out, "If you habitually ruminate over your earlier life, you may regularly be revisited by feelings of anger, guilt, resentment, sorrow, or shame. And such emotions are hardly productive... Fretfully obsessing about the people and events precipitating such negative feelings can lead to endless recycling. Becoming increasingly stagnant, or fixated, your thinking really can't progress toward any adaptive resolution."
10. Negative self-talk
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Negative self-talk has been shown to cause depression, anxiety, and feelings of helplessness. It's the process of constantly telling yourself that you aren't good enough, that you can't accomplish your goals, and that you'll never become the person you aspire to be. But genuinely happy people who are determined to stay that way never let negative self-talk seep into their lives.
Instead of focusing on what they perceive they did wrong, they hone in on the positives. If they're having an off day and didn't do their chores, they give themselves grace. If they didn't get a promotion at work, they find solutions to how they can improve and then try again. Little set-backs don't throw them off; rather, it motivates them.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
