11 Things Truly Smart People Do That Insecure People Find Intimidating
When someone is deeply insecure, smart people can be incredibly intimidating to be around.
jantsarik / Shutterstock Smart people aren't always reciting long textbook passages or memorizing every question on their homework assignment. Despite what Hollywood may show, smart people are pretty humble and often like to keep to themselves. And while these characteristics might not seem enviable, there are 11 things truly smart people do that insecure people find intimidating.
It isn't anything they say that gets insecure people riled up. Blame it on their energy or effortless behavior, but smart people have a way of inspiring those around them to become the worst version of themselves. From petty remarks to dramatic eye rolls, those who throw shady comments your way aren't always mean-spirited; they may just be highly insecure.
These are 11 things truly smart people do that insecure people find intimidating
1. Ask questions without shame
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The first thing truly smart people do that insecure people find intimidating is ask questions without shame. It's common for most people to struggle silently. Whether at work or school, many people are too shy to ask questions, fearing they'll come off as dumb.
However, people are a lot less judgmental than most people would anticipate. This is probably because judging others makes people literally feel bad. According to a study published in Personality and Individual Differences, the more someone judges others, the more likely they are to experience depression and anxiety.
Combined with the fact that most people won't remember the question a smart person asked, there's truly no reason why people should hesitate. Not only will it better help them understand what's going on, but who knows? It might help someone else out, too.
2. Admit when they don’t know something
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Even smart people don't know everything. Despite what others may believe, smart people also struggle with math or memorizing certain concepts. Still, they aren't afraid to let others know when they don't know something, which is why a thing truly smart people do that insecure people find intimidating is admitting when they don't know something.
Everyone is always looking to smart people in order to figure out what's going on. Whether at work or in their homes, smart people are naturally the leaders people turn to. However, when they don't know something, intelligent people aren't afraid to say so.
Rather than pretending, they let others know right off the bat when they can't be of help. Is it a lot disappointing for the other person? Of course. But at least they can both figure things out together rather than create an array of misunderstandings.
3. Change their mind when presented with evidence
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Most people are way too close-minded to change their minds. Even when presented with evidence, it's normal for people to resist, and human beings aren't the greatest at handling change. That being said, a thing truly smart people do that insecure people find intimidating is change their minds when presented with evidence.
Unlike others, smart people don't allow their egos to get the better of them. Due to their reasonable and analytical nature, they're open to change as long as there is evidence to back it up. This adds up, as a study published in 2010 cited that openness is related to intelligence.
That being said, just because this is a characteristic of intelligence doesn't mean others can't learn from it. By remaining open-minded and pushing down any defensiveness, almost anyone can become a tiny bit more open-minded in the long run.
4. Walk away when discussions turn disrespectful
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It's hard to walk away when someone is being disrespectful. Even though people know they should, it's tempting to continue to argue and see the conversation through. However, a thing truly smart people do that insecure people find intimidating is walking away when discussions turn disrespectful.
There's no use in arguing with someone who isn't going to change their mind. This is especially true if they resort to petty name-calling or being outright disrespectful. So, rather than waste their time arguing with the wall, smart people simply walk away to avoid escalating the situation further.
Now, is this a very hard thing to do? Of course, but there's no denying that there's power and confidence in someone who's able to rein in their emotions and leave a toxic situation. This can explain why insecure people are jealous of smart people in the first place.
5. Refusing to over-explain themselves
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It's unfortunate, but many people struggle to say no. Blame it on their parents, but nearly half of the population struggles with people-pleasing tendencies. According to a survey from YouGov, 48% of people self-identify as people pleasers.
As a result, a thing truly smart people do that insecure people find intimidating is refusing to overexplain themselves. It can be difficult to say no without giving an excuse, yet smart people don't care for excuses. In their eyes, it's better to be direct and honest than to lie.
Even if it's hard, they'd rather tell someone, "Sorry, I don't feel like going," rather than coming up with a flimsy excuse like, "Sorry, I can't, I'm sick." And while this amount of confidence might make an insecure person feel intimidated, for everyone else, they can't help but admire them for their outspoken and confident ways.
6. Changing the subject gracefully
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Another thing truly smart people do that insecure people find intimidating is changing the subject gracefully. If there's one thing smart people know how to do, it's dodge uncomfortable situations. Whether it's a family reunion or a tense work meeting, smart people can pretty much navigate uncomfortable conversations with ease.
With charm and grace, they'll smoothly change the subject and ask about the other person. Even if they're not interested, they'll fake it if it means creating a better environment for everyone else. And while most people view this trait as admirable, insecure people allow it to intimidate them.
Blame it on the low self-confidence, but insecure people can't help but compare. Still, charm and confidence are something that can be worked on if only insecure people could seek the help they need.
7. Holding boundaries without guilt
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Maintaining boundaries isn't easy. No matter how much people try to simplify it, the truth of the matter is that learning to assert oneself takes a ton of practice. As physician Susan Biali Haas, M.D., noted, most people who struggle to set boundaries are terrified of the anger that a boundary crosser may express.
Luckily, a thing truly smart people do that insecure people find intimidating is holding boundaries without guilt. It isn't always easy, but having boundaries doesn't need to be a tug of war. As most smart people know, simply expressing oneself should be enough to get the boundary across.
But in the unfortunate case that someone doesn't accept it? It's always better to separate oneself and cut that person off. While some boundaries are hard to adjust to, someone who willingly ignores your boundaries and makes no effort to respect them is a glaring red flag.
8. Admitting mistakes without fear
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Everyone makes mistakes because nobody is perfect. So why is it that so many insecure people find themselves reminiscing over and over again about what they did wrong? Maybe it's because they're complete people pleasers or perfectionists, but most insecure people struggle to let things go.
However, a thing truly smart people do that insecure people find intimidating is admitting mistakes without fear. Sure, messing up is pretty embarrassing, but smart people understand that it's inevitable. Rather than fixate on their mistake, they prefer to find better solutions so that it doesn't happen again.
And while this is an admirable trait to have, insecure people can't help but find it intimidating. Maybe it's because it points to their own flaws, but when it comes to smart people, insecure people don't know what to do with themselves.
9. Letting others have the last word
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Another thing smart people do that insecure people find intimidating is letting others have the last word. Sure, it sucks to be the one who has to walk away, but smart people don't mind. Filled with logic and a calm interior, smart people would rather let things go than waste time.
This is important, as Itai Ivtzan, Ph.D., said, "Learning to let go of things can be valuable for personal growth and emotional well-being."
So, even if it's hard, intelligent people know that letting it go and moving forward isn't just for the other person, but it's for them as well.
10. Using humor to diffuse tensions
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There's no weirder feeling than being in a tense room. Whether it's an awkward meeting with a coworker or a tense conversation with a family member, most people can agree that sitting in silence is pretty anxiety-inducing. This is why a thing truly smart people do that insecure people find intimidating is using humor to diffuse tensions.
It isn't always easy to cut the tension, but thanks to their social skills, intelligent people know just what to say to ensure that everyone is relaxed. Maybe it's because they're naturally funny, but intelligent people can lead a conversation in ways that insecure people can't.
According to a study published in Intelligence, intelligence is a strong predictor of humor. So, while smart people know just what to say to ease tensions and make people laugh, insecure people might struggle with it a lot more, making them feel slightly intimidated than they'd care to admit.
11. Learning not to respond to everything
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Finally, the last thing truly smart people do that insecure people find intimidating is learning not to respond to everything. It's hard, but people don't always have to respond to everything. From sly remarks to invasive questions, people have the choice to remain silent or refuse to answer.
Does this ruin the mood and make things a tiny bit more awkward? Sure. But the best thing about smart people is that they're able to lift up the mood, charming those around them while simultaneously setting their boundaries.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
