11 Things People With Manners Instantly Notice About Someone Who Wasn't Raised Right
Some people were never taught how to treat others, and it shows.
Smile19 | Shutterstock While traditional manners and etiquette have shifted and evolved over time, with modern expressions changing with every new generation, many people still lack the basic tools and social skills to connect with people. From casual conversations with strangers to professional meetings and even nurturing long-term relationships, people without basic manners, founded on respect or active listening, struggle.
According to a study from the Social Psychology Quarterly, expressions of politeness and general manners, like saying “please” and “thank you,” are growing less popular and common across age groups in our culture. So, it’s not surprising that the things people with manners instantly notice about someone who wasn’t raised right are apparent right away – they’re ingrained into how people express gratitude, show respect, and interact with others.
Here are 11 things people with manners instantly notice about someone who wasn’t raised right:
1. They constantly interrupt
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Not being able to listen without interrupting or shifting attention toward themselves is one of the things people with manners instantly notice about someone who wasn’t raised right. They’re never the quiet ones – they’re always looking for attention and seeking validation, even if it means putting their relationships and social perceptions at risk.
It’s hard to ignore feeling unheard and unvalued in the face of someone who lacks these basic manners, especially considering healthy relationships and connections are founded on these feelings.
2. They never say 'please' and 'thank you'
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Not saying “please” and “thank you” in their everyday lives is one of the common signs of someone who doesn’t have any manners. They not only miss out on casual moments to express gratitude and signal respect to others, but they also sabotage their relationships by maintaining an entitled attitude.
Even if it seems subtle, the kindness and empathy we interweave into our language and everyday phrases can have a huge impact on the way others perceive us, whether it’s co-workers, strangers, or our partners at home.
3. They trauma-dump without warning
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Trauma dumping can often sabotage relationships and spark resentment, especially when it’s unprompted or between people who haven’t established a foundation of trust. Many times, it’s people who lack social awareness and manners that engage in this habit, ignorant of the ways that their emotional burdens and stress will affect others.
People with manners were taught that there’s a “time and a place” for everything. Sometimes, you just need to vent and seek advice, help, and support, but finding the right time and person is key.
4. They talk loudly in public
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While there are certainly a number of reasons why people may unintentionally speak loudly or even talk on speakerphone in public – from hearing problems to physical ailments – oftentimes, a blissful ignorance and internal selfishness are what fuel people to engage in this habit.
They lack manners and the social awareness to think about how their actions affect others, even if it’s just annoyance, which is why it’s not surprising that it’s one of the things people with manners instantly notice about someone who wasn’t raised right.
5. They never offer to help
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People who lack manners often take from others – from money, to emotional support, and material things – without ever saying “please” or “thank you” and never returning the favor. They’re quick to leverage their connections and other people’s skills, kindness, and support, but hardly ever offer the same kind of help to others.
It’s one of the fastest ways that people with manners notice someone wasn’t raised right, because they somehow make relationships transactional without ever offering anything to others in return.
6. They act entitled
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People who are entitled and think they’re better than everyone else often lack basic manners that signal respect, gratitude, and empathy toward others. Whether it’s taking advantage of other people’s kindness, forgetting to say “thank you,” or taking things without asking, entitlement is one of the things people with manners instantly notice about someone who wasn’t raised right.
From the workplace to personal relationships and family connections, entitled people are quick to put themselves and their own needs above everyone else without reservation.
7. They're passive-aggressive
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According to therapist Loriann Oberlin, passive-aggressive behavior can spark resentment, discomfort, and disconnection in relationships, which is why it’s one of the things people with manners instantly notice about someone who wasn’t raised right. They have a strong ego and a misguided sense of confidence – all of which they’d prefer to protect or build true connections.
Whether it’s negative body language or condescending comments, passive-aggressive people would rather hurt other people than accept the discomfort and confidence it takes to have hard conversations.
8. They refuse to apologize
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People who lack the manners – and more specifically, the self-awareness and self-assuredness – to take accountability often blame shifts and adopt a victim mentality to avoid it. They’d prefer to paint other people as “the bad guys” and self-sabotage their relationships – sometimes unknowingly – than put themselves in the face of discomfort or criticism.
Like psychology professor Karina Schumann suggests, apologizing – even when it’s hard and uncomfortable – is the key to building more meaningful, trusting, and deep connections. Hence, it’s a more powerful habit than people give it credit for.
9. They can't be relied on
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Unreliability can manifest in a number of diverse ways – from being late, to falling short on commitments, and never keeping promises – but it is one of the things people with manners instantly notice about someone who wasn’t raised right in all of its forms.
According to a study from Michigan State University, unreliable people strain their relationships, erode healthy communication, and disconnect themselves from true connection, because they don’t actively respect other people through their actions.
To put it simply, they don’t respect other people’s time and energy – they’re selfish enough to only care about and prioritize themselves.
10. They gossip and mock people
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While gossip can occasionally be healthy in relationships – bonding people and giving them a safe space for connection and shared understanding – making fun of people and speaking negatively about them behind their backs without a valid reason can be harmful. Not only does it add a negative aura and vibe to conversations and relationships, but it also negatively affects self-esteem when it’s the sole focus on someone’s personality.
It’s one of the first things people with manners instantly notice about someone who wasn't raised right, because they were taught to lead with empathy, even when it was hard.
11. They don’t respect personal space
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According to psychology professor Michael Graziano, our brain’s perception of personal space is often a buffer against people crossing boundaries and being invasive. We feel uncomfortable when people invade our spaces because we’re hardwired to protect ourselves at home.
People who don’t have the manners to appreciate and respect physical space sabotage communication and healthy relationships, sometimes without even having the self-awareness to realize they’re doing so. It’s one of the things people with manners instantly notice about someone who wasn’t raised right, mostly because unwelcome hugs, touching, and invasions of personal space are hard to ignore.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
