11 Things People With Actual Morals Stop Liking The Older They Get, According To Research
They're self-assured enough to live by their own book.
fizkes | Shutterstock As we get older, our values and beliefs tend to change and evolve. However, the more experience and wisdom we acquire throughout our lives, the more likely we are to build a foundation of strong morals that inform our decisions and help us lead our lives with vision.
While the strength of these values and beliefs can occasionally lead to certain biases over logic and reasoning, for the most part, they solidify people’s emotional intelligence, social behaviors, and confidence when they’re held with intention. That’s why there are many things people with actual morals stop liking the older they get because they hold their beliefs closely and intentionally.
Here are 11 things people with actual morals stop liking the older they get, according to research
1. Being performative for others
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Putting on a facade to be likable or shapeshifting your personality around different people are often behaviors associated with being performative. It’s these behaviors that not only lack an element of genuineness but also self-assuredness and security.
Considering insecurity often leads to envy in certain people, according to a study from the Journal of Research in Personality, it’s not surprising that an element of performance is their misguided way of coping. They embrace the attitudes, style, and vibe of the people that they envy, trying to protect their self-image.
However, when this envy riddles their relationships and their authentic identity is overlooked in favor of “fitting in,” it can sabotage their well-being on a fundamental level. That’s why being performative is one of the things people with actual morals — and, more importantly, confidence and authenticity — stop liking the older they get.
2. Punching down
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Whether it’s seeking attention from people who don’t deserve their presence in the first place or “punching down” with cruel jokes that only serve to misguidedly boost a person’s ego, these are all things people with actual morals stop liking the older they get.
While it might offer an insecure person a fleeting sense of confidence or superiority, someone with real self-assuredness, strong morals, and empathy just doesn’t do it.
According to a Developmental Psychology study, self-esteem tends to grow subtly with age, remaining relatively stable later in life. For people who focus on cultivating this self-assuredness, solidifying their actual morals, and removing care for what other people think, it’s much easier to have healthy interactions where they’re not begging for approval or validation.
3. Mindless entertainment
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It’s no surprise that doomscrolling on our phones and engaging in mindless entertainment lowers our emotional intelligence, sabotages self-image and confidence, and sparks turmoil in our cognitive processes, at least according to a study from Brain Sciences. However, for many people, it’s a quick distraction or route to escapism for the struggles they’re dealing with internally.
It’s one of the things people with actual morals stop liking the older they get, according to researchers, because they’re naturally routed toward positivity and fulfillment.
Algorithms online tend to amplify negativity, controversial topics, and news headlines that spark the most outrage, while sabotaging users' ability to connect and learn from real people around them — all things that people with good morals trade for more intentional knowledge and learning opportunities. They’re still informed, but on their own accord, not at the expense of their well-being.
4. Believing kindness is a weakness
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Especially in our modern society, where convenience makes us meaner and many people who lack empathy justify their coldness with the “I don’t owe anyone anything” sentiment, it’s more important than ever that people cling to their kindness. It’s a superpower, and something that people with actual morals start prioritizing more as they get older.
Like studies highlighted by Harvard’s School of Public Health acknowledge, kindness not only boosts our physical health and longevity, but also our self-esteem, relationships, and mental health.
The more we offer kindness, grace, and empathy to others, the more grounded, happy, and fulfilled we are, even if it’s small acts of kindness that only take a few ounces of time and energy to do.
5. ‘Winning’ conversations and arguments
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When you’re more interested in “winning” arguments with a partner or trying to “win” an intellectual conversation with peers, it’s not about learning and connection, but rather coping with insecurity. Conflict resolution is healthy for general well-being and relationships when done through the lens of shared responsibility and teamwork. It’s healthiest when people work toward a shared goal together.
However, people with poor morals or a foundation of insecurity fueling their behaviors don’t care about learning from others, taking accountability, or contributing to healthy social dynamics — they want time, space, attention, and validation without effort.
6. Being the smartest person in any room
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When you feel like the smartest or most successful person in any room, chances are you’re not putting yourself in a position to thrive. Truly intelligent people with good morals place a lot of value in learning from others and being able to soak up the wisdom of others, rather than being overconfident or trying to boost their own social status.
Of course, beliefs and morals influence our learning processes, like a study from Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience explains, but people with good morals simply care about and prioritize putting themselves in rooms where they have a chance to learn. They’re okay with getting out of their comfort zone, and being “the best” in any room is now one of the things they’ve stopped liking the older they get.
7. Convenient friends
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As you get older and stop having conditional friends — automatic friends from college or the people you see conveniently every day — friendships become more inherently intentional. You’re choosing to maintain these relationships, even if months go by where you’re not talking to or seeing one another.
Convenient friends, who are both surface-level and unsupportive most of the time, are some of the things people with actual morals stop liking the older they get, according to research. One study from Cornell University found that not only do people tend to nurture stronger connections with age, but these friendships and relationships actually slow the aging process.
They’re intentional, lovely, and genuinely supportive, especially with the natural shifts and life changes that come from getting older.
8. Bragging and name-dropping
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Even if bragging about goals and accomplishments or name-dropping in important spaces offers people a fleeting sense of approval amid the chaos of life, they’re some of the things people with actual morals stop liking the older they get.
Not only are they aware of the detriments that name-dropping has on their self-esteem and connections, they’re more intentional about “proving” their wisdom and intellect over bragging about it.
9. Justifying bad behaviors
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When you’re insecure, taking accountability feels like an admission of defeat. You’re always grasping at a sense of control by trying to be the “smartest” person in any room — incapable of making a mistake or being responsible for things they perceive as bad, often at the expense of true self-assuredness and positive connections.
That’s why justifying bad decisions and making excuses for not taking accountability in life are some of the things people with actual morals stop liking the older they get, no matter how comfortable they feel to prioritize.
They’re no longer interested in playing defensive to protect their ego, but instead lean into the discomfort — and joy — that comes from being responsible and accountable in every aspect of their lives.
10. Loyalty without bounds
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Whether it’s a loyalty to an employer that doesn’t truly support them or a commitment to friendships that only end up draining their energy, this kind of passion and loyalty are things people with actual morals stop liking the older they get, according to research.
Loyalty needs boundaries — otherwise, disconnection, resentment, and general chaos tend to seep in quickly. The older you get, the more experience you add under your belt, and the more self-assured you feel, the more likely you are to reserve loyalty for the things and people who deserve it.
11. Feeding into materialism and consumerist traps
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According to a study from the Journal of Research in Personality, older individuals tend to be less materialistic than their younger counterparts, appreciating the beauty of wisdom, experiences, and security over status symbols and external validation.
They have a sense of belonging and the self-assuredness to opt out of trends that prey on the lonely and isolated. They know how to spend their money responsibly, but they’re also more interested in buying things that bring joy to their lives, rather than a sense of security to their social perception by way of social archetypes and trends.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
