Research Says There's One Type Of Friend Who Will Emotionally Drain You The More You Hang Out
Drama can be fun, but at what cost?
Andrey K | Unsplash Although I didn't first hear the term "frenemies" until the Sex and the City episode of the same name in 2000, according to the ever-popular Wikipedia, "the word has appeared in print as early as 1953."
Anyone who's ever had a frenemy can attest to the fact that they're the worst type of relationship. Just when you think you can't possibly hate them anymore, they do something wonderful that makes you love them, and just when your love is about to explode through the roof, you're daydreaming about them being hit by a bus.
It's a volatile rollercoaster to be in a relationship with a frenemy, and, scarily, according to experts, these evil entities make up half of our social networks.
While it's easy to laugh off the frenemy thing, because let's be honest, how absurd is it to be an adult who can't kick a bad "friend" to the curb? It's these types of ambivalent relationships that are actually really bad for our health, both mentally and physically.
According to research, the one type of friend who will emotionally drain you the more you hang out is a frenemy.
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A 2007 study from Brigham Young University gave participants a blood pressure monitor and asked them to take a reading of their blood pressure with every interaction they had with the people around them.
The blood pressure of study participants spiked whenever they interacted with their frenemy or if a frenemy was nearby.
Reserach confirms that frenemies are just so bad for us that even the awareness of their proximity forces our blood pressure to skyrocket. Our poor hearts! Our poor arteries!
Emotionally draining frenemies can leave you feeling like you are shouldering another person's problems and absorbing their stress. These mentally draining situations will eventually wear you out. Eventually, you might find that your friendship is interfering with other areas of your life, or you're changing your life to accommodate them.
Researchers from tracking nearly 500 U.K. adults found that low-quality friendships predicted higher risks of heart attack and premature death over eight years. Prolonged exposure to negative social interactions can elevate stress hormones to the point that physiological reactions start to manifest.
So what can we do? Find a happy medium, naturally. As a public health researcher at the University of Copenhagen, Rikke Lund, points out, not all relationships are equal, and social isolation isn't doing anyone any favors either.
If we focus on the positive aspects that our frenemies bring to our lives and not let ourselves get caught up in the drama, we can learn to live happily, or at the very least, deal with our frenemies.
Besides, sometimes we like the drama they bring, and if you subtract all the frenemies from your life, then things could get boring. Drama is the spice of life, you guys.
While realizing you are in a one-sided friendship can be disheartening, it’s important to understand the dynamic and start taking steps to remedy the situation and protect your well-being. If things don’t change, reconsider the friendship. It’s not easy, but having healthy, balanced, and supportive relationships in your life is crucial.
Amanda Chatel has been a wellness and relationship journalist for over a decade. Her work has been featured in Glamour, Shape, Self, and other outlets.
