So Many Millennials Think 11 Things Are Unfair When They're Simply Part Of Actual Adulthood
Sofiia Sydor | Shutterstock Millennials are fast approaching their middle-aged existence, and have probably by now learned the value of letting go. They recognize the patterns that no longer serve them and release their old ways of thinking, all so they can make space for a new way of seeing the world.
But along the way, there have been plenty of things millennials find unfair, despite them just being part of adulthood. While those things in their life may never change, they're trying to practice acceptance as a way to find true peace.
Millennials find these things unfair, but can't seem to grasp that it's just part of being an adult
1. Not always having the option to follow their dreams
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Millennials were raised with the belief that following their dreams would lead them to a fulfilling, lucrative life. They were told they could become anyone they wanted, but over time they realized that living those dreams requires a certain level of privilege that most people don't have.
According to sociology professor Erin Cech, "Passion-seeking is a goal for most workers... but there are wide discrepancies in who is ultimately able to parlay their passion into stable, well-paid jobs. The passion principle was almost tailor-made for wealthy and upper-middle-class young adults."
It's due to privilege, yes, but it's also just part of being an adult. Not every passion is going to be lucrative or successful.
2. Success that doesn't 'just happen'
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Millennials came of age just as the internet and cell phones came to the forefront of our collective consciousness. The more chronically online millennials became, the more they bought into the belief that success was something that could "just happen" without any extended effort on their part.
They put their faith into instant gratification, only to lose sight of what success really means. In reality, success is something that happens over time. It's something you have to work for, and even then the hard work won't always translate into the traditional definition of success.
3. Friendships not lasting
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Millennials think it's unfair that friendships don't always last. They spent high school and college surrounded by their friends, and they held onto the expectation that they would always be close. But they got older and figured out that this isn't reality. People come and go from your life, that's just part of being an adult.
Friendship is a muscle. Putting in consistent effort to stay connected is what keeps friendships strong. "You can't maintain fitness by just exercising once. It requires regular practice, and investing in your relationships also takes time," neuroscience professor Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad explained.
4. Doing everything right and not getting ahead
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Millennials are master over-achievers. As kids, they learned to measure their worth by how productive they were, and they held onto that belief for way too long. Millennials adopted a "hustle" mentality, only to discover that doing all the right things didn't guarantee them success or stability.
It's unfair, but life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to. You can do everything you're supposed to do and still struggle. For millennials, they went to college and climbed the corporate ladder, but it didn't give them the life they expected.
5. Needing more than love for a relationship to work
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Because they were raised on fairy tales and rom-coms, millennials long believed that a relationship was completely possible if there was enough love. But as they grew up and matured, it became clear that this wasn't the truth. Though it's just another part of being an adult, that didn't make it hurt any less.
As psychologist Dr. John Gottman explained, being emotionally attuned to one another is the only way for couples to create a relationship that has real staying power. He defined attunement as "the desire and the ability to understand and respect your partner's inner world."
Dr. Gottman further revealed, "Love and romance and trust are conscious decisions to cherish what is wonderful about your partner and nurture gratefulness for what you have." Ultimately, love is an action word. If you don't put in the work, it won't work out.
6. Doing the bare minimum without winning any praise
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For all the hard work millennials did as young adults, the only thing they got in return was chronic burnout. They expected that they could win over hearts and minds by doing barely anything, but now, they're reassessing how they relate to their jobs.
Millennials are letting "good enough" be enough, but they still think it's unfair that doing the bare minimum doesn't get them any more appreciation and acknowledgement. As a generation raised on participation trophies, millennials want to be recognized, even though they're not going above and beyond.
7. Being in control of work-life balance
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Millennials have high standards, especially when it comes to the workplace. They want work-life balance to be built into their schedules. But once they're faced with reality, they complain about how unfair it is that it's difficult to set boundaries between their separate parts of life.
Checking in with your work-life balance on a consistent basis can help you see what's working and what isn't. As experts from the Mental Health Foundation pointed out, "Pausing and thinking about your priorities can help you discover whether the way you're living and working is right for you.
When you're on the clock, work-life balance means taking breaks, doing something to nourish yourself, even for just five minutes and even if you're busy. When work is over, you stay present and give yourself permission to relax and reset.
8. Self-awareness not always feeling great
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Self-improvement is a ride or die experience for millennials, but it doesn't always feel good. Despite finding this unfair to deal with, clinical psychologist Dr. Jacqueline Baulch said that sitting with discomfort is part of the process to become self-aware.
"You'll discover new things about yourself when you step back and reflect. Some things you will like and some you won't... Living alongside our strengths, achievements and lighter side are our fears, inadequacies, regrets, failures and flaws," she revealed.
9. Being unable to force someone to change
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You can't force anyone to change unless they actually want to change. It's completely opposite of what millennials were taught growing up: that logic and reasoning can persuade anyone. As hard as it is for them to accept this fact of life, it will save them a lot of hurt and heartache once they realize the truth.
As licensed clinical social worker Esther Goldstein pointed out, "Nobody can force anyone into any sort of meaningful change without buy-in." This means you can't do someone else's work for them, so walking away is the best way to protect yourself at times. Being an adult means accepting this fact as part of normal life.
10. Parents who won't apologize when they're wrong
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A genuine apology takes humility and grace, yet people aren't always able to offer themselves in that particular way. The dynamic that parents share with their adult children can complicate the act of saying sorry. Parents won't always apologize for their mistakes, even though millennials think that lack of accountability is unfair.
According to psychologist Janet Sasson Edgette, parents often struggle with the overall concept of apologizing to their kids. "People generally equate apologizing with having lost something — their pride maybe, or the contest about who was right and who was wrong," she said.
11. Therapy not fixing everything
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Therapy isn't an instant solution for healing, even though millennials wish it were. Seeing a therapist every week is only an entry point, and you have to actually put in the work to experience any tangible change, rather than experiencing a miracle overnight.
At its core, therapy offers a container to explore your inner world and gain perspective on the patterns you fall into. It's not magic, but it can help to reprogram the brain in a positive way. As unfair as it seems, millennials have probably realized that what therapy can do is give them the tools to change their lives for the better, even if it's not what they expected.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a writer based in Boston, Massachusetts who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
