11 Things Deeply Unhappy Women Quietly Abandon As They Get Older
The struggle to combat unhappiness is an unfortunate cycle.
JLco Julia Amaral | Shutterstock Women are much more likely to experience declining happiness with age compared to men, according to a study from the American Economic Journal. While there are a lot of complexities and nuance behind this unsettling pattern, from financial disparities, to relationship qualms, and personal mental health struggles, many of the habits and daily rituals these women indulge play a role in their overall mental health and happiness.
Many of the things deeply unhappy women quietly abandon as they get older further exacerbate the institutional and social struggles they face on a daily basis. From feeding into social isolation, to struggling with career growth and identity, and even finding their place amid a toxic and patriarchal society, the cycle of things unhappy women struggle with require empowerment, strong self-worth, and intention to break free from.
Here are 11 things deeply unhappy women quietly abandon as they get older
1. Self-care
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While many women stop caring about their appearance from a physical validation standpoint as they get older — building self-esteem and internal gratification instead — deeply unhappy women do the opposite.
Instead of focusing on self-care and intentional wellness for their bodies and minds, they instead abandon them completely, relying on "quick fixes," instant gratification, and neglect to cope with their unhappiness. Whether they're fueled by loneliness, social isolation, or side effects of mental health struggles like depression, they'd disregard the intention and effort behind self-care entirely to cope with emotional turmoil and exhaustion.
2. Personal growth
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According to a study from the International Journal of Mental Health Nursing, resilience and intentional mental health rituals tend to fend off against the emotional exhaustion and mental fatigue that can decrease happiness levels and mood. However, challenging themselves and embracing hardship with a growth mindset are some of the things deeply unhappy women quietly abandon as they get older.
They hardly have the energy and discipline to engage in self-care and personal hygiene rituals, so more challenging situations — like looking for a new job, dating, or even starting a new wellness journey — feel unapproachable and impossible in their minds.
3. Dreams
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While societal judgments and double standards seem to discourage aging women in setting goals and crafting dreams, studies, like one from BMC Geriatrics, argue that it's still a common and healthy practice. Not only are older individuals reaping the personal benefits of setting and chasing goals, it gives them a sense of purpose and drive that enhances their social relationships and well-being.
That's why it's so alarming that setting goals and having dreams are some of the things deeply unhappy women quietly abandon as they get older. Whether it's pressure from society or personal struggles with energy, self-worth, and intention, they linger in stagnant situations and environments rather than chasing purpose and newness.
4. Trust in others
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While research, like a study from Pew Research Center, suggests that it's generally younger people who are growing less trusting of institutions and other people in intimate settings, it's also one of things deeply unhappy women quietly abandon as they get older.
Whether it's in their relationships, dating, at work, or even in public with strangers, they tend to isolate themselves from deeper connection and meaningful conversations by refusing to hand out a basic level of trust with others. Of course, it's hardly ever an intentional decision, but rather a side effect of toxic past relationships, mental health concerns, and unresolved trauma.
5. Creativity
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While there are certainly myths that people struggling with mental health tend to be more creatively inclined, research, like one study from the Indian Journal of Psychiatry, argues that it's far more nuanced than that. In fact, creativity is one of the things deeply unhappy women quietly abandon altogether as they get older, focusing most of their energy and effort on mediating emotional turmoil and isolation.
Instead of leaning on creative pursuits, passion projects, and hobbies, they tend to live stuck in "fight or flight mode," more concerned with survival than thriving in their daily lives.
6. Effort in deep connections and relationships
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According to a study from General Psychiatry, many people suffering from depression and anxiety self-isolate to cope with their emotional turmoil, keeping them stuck in a cycle of experiencing the side effects of loneliness and trying to deal with their own mental health struggles.
That's why forming deep connections and putting effort into their relationships are some of the things deeply unhappy women quietly abandon as they get older. They're so caught up in their own minds and misguidedly coping with symptoms that they subconsciously separate themselves from the social support and connection they need.
7. Chasing the feelings of being understood
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Feeling heard, valued, and understood in social interactions and relationships is incredibly important for our self-esteem, well-being, and general health, yet many people struggle with finding the right people to support them.
Of course, begging someone to make space for you to feel understood is not the best way to live your life; finding people who support, love, and hear you unconditionally can be, considering it maximizes healthy relationship health and well-being.
For deeply unhappy women that don't put in the effort to find these connections or to set boundaries that ensure they feel understood, they often fall into a cycle of toxicity, like a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggests, that's perpetuated by feeling chronically misunderstood.
8. Ambition
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Alongside making new goals and chasing lifelong dreams, many deeply unhappy women struggle with ambition in their everyday lives. Whether it's putting effort into maintaining their own health, engaging in their relationships, or seeking out opportunities for growth, they struggle to work up the emotional and physical courage to pursue newness and change.
While a certain lack of ambition is common amongst middle-aged people, largely because they care less about adhering to social norms and expectations, being perpetually disinterested in change and personal growth can leave unhappy women stuck in a cycle of their own misery.
9. Celebrating success or milestones
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Many people struggle with accepting and cultivating joy in their lives, especially when they're already struggling with their mental health or unresolved trauma. Celebrating even the smallest milestones or cultivating a new relationship is only a reminder of the potential of loss and all the negative emotions that come along with it.
It's this kind of anticipatory grief and cyclical isolation that pressures unhappy women to quietly abandon celebrations as they get older.
10. Making new friends
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Unfortunately, according to a study from Geriatric Psychiatry, it's becoming increasingly common for people to struggle with social isolation and making new friends as they age. Typically a combination of current relationship priorities, family responsibilities, work, and internal validation, this change in social habits isn't always a bad thing, but for already unhappy people avoiding it intentionally because of mental fatigue or present loneliness — it can be.
Making new friends is one of the things deeply unhappy women quietly abandon as they get older. Not only are they already struggling with emotional turmoil that wastes their energy and sabotages their mood, they tend to self-isolate to cope.
11. Practicing gratitude
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Of course, expressing gratitude and giving thanks to other people is often what bolsters our relationships and protects our mental health, but for unhappy people who are already struggling with isolation or mental health challenges, it can make the practice that much harder to commit to.
That's why it's one of the things deeply unhappy women quietly abandon as they get older — they struggle with maintaining relationships and strong connections because they lack the emotional space and energy to invest in the practice itself.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
