If These 11 Frustrating Experiences Sound Familiar, Your Ego Has Taken Over
Your ego may be controlling you without even realizing.
Look Studio | Shutterstock That little voice inside your head is what you hear telling you to blame yourself or say something unkind. But it's more like an echo — an echo of society, your fears, and past experiences. The voice is not you, but if you don't pay attention, it will ruin your life. Because whether it's regretting your choices or blaming others for your mistakes, if these frustrating experiences sound familiar, your ego has taken over.
You alone decide who you want to be, not your past, society, or your fears. And the only way to take back control is by separating yourself from that nagging voice. Once you deeply understand this truth, you'll be able to move forward. The voice never stops no matter how your reality looks, you just get better at not buying into its storyline anymore.
If these 11 frustrating experiences sound familiar, your ego has taken over
1. You're jealous of what others have
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Jealousy gets all of us from time to time. In fact, according to health and parenting writer Wendy Wisner, "It's completely normal to feel jealous once in a while! Jealousy can even be healthy at times, contributing to greater feelings of love and stability in a relationship. The key is to find a way to express it in a positive way."
The ego hates seeing other people getting what you want. It operates from a place of scarcity, and thinks that when other people achieve something, you can't anymore. When other people achieve something you deeply desire, you feel inferior because you don't have it yet. That means your achievements or possessions are tied to your self-worth.
But you are worthy just by being on this planet. When jealousy comes up, be present with the feeling and ask yourself what it can teach you. Shining the light of awareness on it will dissolve the uncomfortable feeling.
2. You think buying something will make you happier
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Whether it's buying a little treat on your way home every day or making a large purchase to "reward" yourself, that feeling of happiness won't last. And if these frustrating experiences sound familiar, your ego has taken over. Because, without noticing, you're beginning to fill your life with things instead of happiness.
True happiness comes from within, not from what you have. So, check in with yourself. Why have you bought the things you bought last month? Do you need them or did you use them to feel better? Of course, we need to buy things to function and live a normal life, but when it becomes excessive, you know the ego is at work.
3. You regret or overthink past decisions
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When you're still thinking about that thing that happened last week, where you should have said or done something differently, remember that it doesn't matter anymore and move on. Take one more moment to learn something from the situation, but then let it go. It can't be changed anymore.
As psychology educator Kendra Cherry explained, "One way to help cope with feelings of regret is to use those experiences to fuel future action. Consider what you might have changed and done differently, but instead of ruminating over what cannot be changed, reframe it as a learning opportunity that will allow you to make better choices in the future."
4. You believe you're always right
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The ego hates new perspectives, and anything different is a red flag. Your brain may be screaming, "That's wrong. It's not supposed to be like that!" But remind yourself of the limited perspectives you have. From another person's view, this might make sense.
Our knowledge is limited — we don't know what we don't know. Acknowledge this universal truth and tell yourself: "Interesting. Based on my experience that doesn't make sense but I'm curious to learn more." Next time, ask questions to broaden your perspective. You don't have to agree, but can you accept that this is the truth for the other person?
5. You blame others for your unhappiness
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It feels so comfortable to listen to the ego giving you permission to lean back and let everything be other people's fault. The ego can't admit it's the source of the problem, so it has to convince you that others are. Whether it's dwelling in self-pity or feeling like a victim, if these frustrating experiences sound familiar, your ego has taken over.
"The next time someone blames you and ignores their own part in a problem, consider the possibility that the behavior is a defense mechanism... aimed at protecting the blame-shifter's fragile ego from being overwhelmed with negative emotions such as guilt and shame. Simply put, the finger-pointing comes from a place of high vulnerability," psychology expert Arash Emamzadeh pointed out.
Instead of putting the blame on other people, take matters into your own hands. Once you take ownership of your choices, everything changes. Your healing journey is your responsibility. It requires work to own this perspective, but hard work is still more comfortable than being stuck and unhappy for the rest of your life.
6. You don't know what you want
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When you have a big decision to make, you likely think about it so much that you feel lost. That's because the ego hates change. It makes you question your choices because it wants to keep everything exactly as is. It's scared of the unknown, and that's normal.
"Humans are wired to fear the unknown. That's why uncertainty — whether at the macro level of a global economic, health, or geopolitical crisis or at the micro level... — can feel nerve-racking, exhausting, and even debilitating. However, that gut reaction leads people to miss a crucial fact: Uncertainty and possibility are two sides of the same coin," Nathan Furr and Susannah Harmon Furr, co-authors of "The Upside of Uncertainty," pointed out.
As long as you are conscious of this you'll be able to find out what you authentically desire. Ask yourself what decision your future you (one year from now) would want you to make. Acknowledge the risks but also come up with solutions for each of them. This will calm your ego and clear your mind.
7. You're stuck in the past
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The ego fears the present moment like vampires and the sun. A second of presence and the ego is gone. Being impatient is letting the ego take over, but being patient is being present. The present moment is the only reality we have, so don't let the ego convince you it's a bad place to be.
Next time you feel impatient or annoyed, be aware of your negative emotions. Take a deep breath and return to the present moment. If we learn to be patient with ourselves, we learn to enjoy the present moment. And this is what life is about: enjoying every moment.
8. You feel like something is missing
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The ego loves to tell you something is missing in your life — otherwise, it wouldn't exist. It's a feeling most of us experience at some point in our lives. But true happiness can only come from the inside, as it is our true nature.
If you feel like you're missing something, start looking inward for just a few minutes every day to discover who is below all the layers of social conditioning. Remember right now you already have everything to be happy. The storyline in your head is holding you back.
9. You find it difficult to forgive and move on
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Forgiving others is never easy, and your ego will never be ready to do so. Whether it's being obsessed with drama or holding onto resentment, if these frustrating experiences sound familiar, your ego has taken over. But forgiving means letting go of anger and pain. And, according to experts from Johns Hopkins Medicine, forgiveness has been shown to improve sleep, reduce anxiety, and lessen the risk of heart attack.
Forgiveness is for you — it gives you peace of mind back. You don't even have to tell the other person that you forgive them, you can just do it for yourself. Love and empathy are always the better choice, but it takes strength to execute this.
10. You don't think anyone cares about you
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One of the core needs of human beings is to be loved, and to feel seen and heard. When this doesn't happen in our reality, the ego immediately jumps in. The ego loves to dwell in self-pity, but feeling whole and worthy from the inside is a lifelong journey. You can't rely on external factors to feel loved.
First, you have to love yourself. This will broaden your perspective and you will see the suffering of other people and how this makes them behave in dysfunctional ways. Then, know that their behavior is not about you — it's about them.
Karo Wanner is a writer and author of the Mindful Monday newsletter — a weekly newsletter full of practical advice for cultivating peace of mind and living a more mindful life.
