If Someone Says These 11 Things Regularly, They're More Superficial Than They Want To Admit
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Superficial people often focus on building up their social status than making close connections with others, which means they tend to base friendships around what another person can offer them. But aside from defining their worth based on what they own, and seeing their possessions as indications of their wealth and importance, they also say some pretty rude things. Whether it's a backhanded compliment about someone's appearance or curating their inner circle based on looks, if someone says these things regularly, they're more superficial than they want to admit.
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, though people expect deep conversations to feel a bit awkward, having these conversations creates greater happiness and connectedless than shallow ones. Unfortunately, for superficial individuals, they avoid having these deep discussions about their hopes, dreams, and fears, choosing instead to keep things surface-level.
If someone says these 11 things regularly, they're more superficial than they want to admit
1. ‘I wish I had your life’
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When superficial people use this phrase, they don’t always realize how inconsiderate it is. They usually won’t ask questions about what’s going on in other people’s lives. Instead of asking how another person feels, they stick to shallow subjects, which means they don’t notice or understand their life.
They might tell a friend who just returned from vacation “I wish I had your life,” without knowing their friend was caring for an ailing parent while they were away. They might say “I wish I had your life” to someone wearing an outfit they want or someone with a high-powered job.
They only exclaim that they wish for someone else’s life because their life appears glamorous or exciting, yet they don’t try to find out what their life is like. It likely means they don't have a true identity of their own, and are trying to live through others.
2. ‘I’d never live in a place like that’
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Whether it's "I’d never live in a place like that" or "I'd rather live in a dump than over there," if someone says these things regularly, they're more superficial than they want to admit. It's not only insulting to the person living at that location, but it's another form of passing judgment based on perceived social status.
People like this fail to consider that money isn’t everything. While money gives people privileges and access that others don’t have, it doesn't guarantee happiness. As licensed social worker David Schroeder explained, the key to real happiness isn’t money, but rather the compassion people carry for themselves and others, which provides a foundation for self-love and self-reflection.
3. ‘I’m only friends with beautiful people’
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Superficial people emphasize appearances and will often explain that they only want to be around others who are physically attractive. Because they care more about what people look like than how they act, they get stuck in fake friendships that don’t last.
Psychotherapist Dr. Murray Bowen emphasized the value of cultivating a “person-to-person relationship” over having shallow connections to other people. A deep, person-to-person relationship requires people to show who they are by sharing what they believe in and what their past experiences have been.
Moving past superficial relationships means people have to find strength in being vulnerable. They have to open up and let other people see who they are. Once they do so, they’ll realize that true beauty comes from being their most authentic self.
4. ‘If it’s not on social media, it never happened’
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Shallow individuals place immense value on having followers and getting likes on social media, yet they don’t recognize how harmful chasing that particular high can be. They rely on social media to measure their lives against what other people have, which can leave them feeling inferior.
While comparing ourselves to others is a normal part of being human, social media can make it so easy to fall into the comparison trap that it’s impossible to escape. Certain people, like Gen Zers, who have never known life without social media, deeply understand how much damage it can do to their sense of self.
They might be chronically online, but 40% of Gen Z wishes social media never existed. Scrolling TikTok or Instagram seems like an act of connection, yet the sense of isolation makes people feel very lonely.
5. ‘Your job is so basic’
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Superficial people care deeply about how everyone else sees them. This often means they prioritize wearing expensive clothes, driving fancy cars, and having a job title that elevates their social status.
When job-hunting, they don’t consider work-life balance or whether their boss is a narcissistic leader. They’re willing to overlook things like toxic company culture just as long as the job boosts them up a rung or two on the corporate ladder. They look down on having a “basic” job because they care less about making ends meet and more about the status their job awards them.
6. ‘No one will ever notice you if you look like that’
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Because they rely on external validation to form their self-worth, they often ascribe to impossibly high standards of beauty. They define themselves by their appearance and whether they’re seen as attractive by other people. So, whether it's "people aren't going to pay attention to your appearance" or "no one will ever notice you if you look like that," if someone says these things regularly, they're more superficial than they want to admit.
Unfortunately, placing such intense value on their looks sometimes leads to unhealthy relationships. Relationship coach Janet Ong Zimmerman revealed that relationships built around superficial, physical connections might seem perfect from the outside but lack depth and genuine feeling.
“A healthy relationship has depth in emotion, intimacy, and vulnerability,” she explained. Zimmerman acknowledged that walking away from an unhealthy relationship is anything but simple, yet doing so is a brave, whole-hearted act that honors a person’s inherent lovability. “Having the love you want and deserve takes courage,” she concluded.
7. ‘It’s so brave that you don’t wear makeup’
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This phrase is a classic example of a compliment that’s an insult. Superficial people overemphasize the importance of physical beauty. They believe going into the world without covering your blemishes or smoothing your wrinkles is brave.
While this phrase isn’t the most polite thing someone could say, it’s essential to understand that it’s not necessarily coming from a mean place. From a superficial person’s perspective, leaving the house without makeup highlights the depths of someone's inner strength.
8. ‘I’m only into people who make 6 figures’
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Without realizing that this phrase paints them as materialistic and greedy, superficial individuals define their worth by money. But having a high income isn’t a determination of anyone’s worthiness as a human being.
By saying they’re only interested in people who make a lot of money, shallow individuals give the impression that they only care about what a potential partner or friend can buy them or how another person can enrich their lives with material items.
Unfortunately, multiple surveys and studies have found that the majority of people want a romantic partner who has money and provides financial security. But basing a relationship on wealth means emotional connection and real love are lacking.
9. ‘If you tried harder, you’d fit in’
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Sounding like a bully, superficial individuals use this phrase in an insulting way to let people know they're outliers. Instead of embracing their own quirks, they bury the weirder parts where no one else can see them.
They smooth themselves out to fit in because being cool and having social capital is hugely important to them. In doing so, they miss out on learning a valuable lesson: being different can help them find genuine, lasting connections.
According to psychology professor Nathaniel Lambert, displaying your unique side can “be an invaluable people filter.” Showing who they are can cut people out who don’t care about them on a human level, and instead see them solely as a means to an end.
10. ‘Being popular is all that matters’
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Shallow people often confuse popularity with actually being liked. They don’t get that quality matters so much more than quantity. And whether it's "being popular is all that matters" or "it's a game of status," if someone says these things regularly, they're more superficial than they want to admit.
There’s nothing wrong with people who only have a few friends, as long as those friends respect them and care for them. Being popular can seem like the most important part of life, but most people let go of that notion when high school ends.
Superficial people put so much effort into being popular that they often let deeper, more meaningful friendships pass them by. People who didn’t get along with popular kids in school are no less worthy of love just because they weren’t considered cool.
11. ‘Things seem to always work out for you, don’t they?’
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People who are shallow tend to value very trivial things. When someone they know gets their dream job, has the perfect relationship, or has come into a lot of money, it sets off envy. They wish they could have everything this individual does, and may express it using this very rude, superficial phrase.
What they might not know or understand is that the person who has what they want likely had to struggle for their successes. They worked hard to land that job, searched for years for a good relationship, or dealt with an untimely passing to obtain that money.
As philosophy professor Berit Brogaard explained, "It's easier to deal with envy and jealousy in others than in ourselves because we do not necessarily need to admit that we are the one with the problems. At the same time, it is harder to deal with envy and jealousy in others than in ourselves because we don't have direct access to the feelings and thoughts of others."
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
