11 Signs You're Not Crazy, It's People Around You That Make You Feel Insane
Gaslighting can feel subtle, especially in people we'd like to consider our friends.
Lopolo | Shutterstock The people that you choose to let into your life and inner circle can have a profound impact on your health, well-being, and general attitude. From spreading negativity, to pushing you toward unhealthy habits, and even sabotaging your self-esteem, choosing the wrong people — jealous friends, disengaged partners, and toxic peers — can sabotage your happiness.
However, their gaslighting schemes and negativity don't have to define your life and identity, even if they've depleted you to the point of insecurity and fear. By acknowledging the signs you're not crazy, it's people around you that make you feel insane, you not only free yourself from the shackles of malicious and unhealthy relationships, you recenter yourself. Oftentimes, toxic people thrive on making you easier to take advantage of, so don't be afraid to stand your ground.
Here are 11 signs you're not crazy, it's people around you that make you feel insane
1. You're always second-guessing yourself
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According to a study from American Sociological Review, toxic people who rely on gaslighting behaviors to get what they want from others try to spark self-doubt and insecurity in their victims. Not only does it make them easier to control, it makes them easier to manipulate, as phrases like "you're overreacting" or "stop being so sensitive" make people second-guess themselves.
It's one of the clear signs you're not crazy, it's the people around you that make you feel insane, especially if you feel more secure, intuitive, and self-aware at home when you're alone than when you're around friends and peers.
2. You feel drained after spending time together
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Especially for extroverted people that typically fill their social batteries and recharge by spending time with people in social settings, coming home drained after being around their inner circle could be one of the clear signs that they're not surrounding themselves with the right people.
Your friends should empower you, put you in a better mood, and even help you to vent and unpack complex emotions when you're going through a hard time. The last thing you want from close friends and peers is to feel worse about yourself when you're around them than when you're alone.
3. Your boundaries are never respected
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People who take the time to figure out what kind of behavior they're willing to tolerate and invest energy into having conversations that set those boundaries, just to have them overstepped and ignored, tend to feel crazy, as anyone else would.
It's not always comfortable to set boundaries, even with close friends and family, but they're the key to maintaining a level of mutual respect, understanding, and empathy in your relationships.
If your boundaries are consistently ignored and disrespected, chances are you're being forced into uncomfortable situations where you have to tolerate behavior you'd otherwise completely ignore.
So, don't be afraid to take a step back. If your friends and peers aren't going to respect your boundaries, you have to find another way to protect yourself from manipulation and getting hurt.
4. You're the 'go-to' friend
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Being the person that everyone comes to for help and support can feel fulfilling — everyone appreciates giving and receiving help, after all. But when it's never reciprocated, it can leave them feeling drained, burnt out, and disconnected in their relationships.
One of the signs you're not crazy, it's people around you that make you feel insane is being the "go-to" person in your relationships. You're not only expected to consistently put other people's needs before your own, you feel obligated to do so, sparking a cycle of shame, guilt, and disappointment when that same support isn't offered in return.
5. You feel lonely when you're around them
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According to therapist Minaa B., feeling like you can't be your authentic self or truly vulnerable around your inner circle can spark feelings of loneliness, even when you're in the same room or at the same event.
While there's certainly a loneliness epidemic happening over a lack of social skills and interactions across the country, this experience feels much different, urging people to turn inward, adopt anxious habits, and even feel guilty for being upset when they're around other people.
But that's part of the reason why this sadness and lack of belonging feels "crazy" when we're experiencing it. Yet, it's completely possible to be lonely around a group of people that doesn't truly know you or care to include you in the group, which is why it's much more likely to be a sign that the people around you are the ones making you feel insane.
6. You never get an apology
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Whether it's completely re-writing past experiences, gaslighting you to doubt your own, or completely avoiding accountability, many toxic people who thrive on making people more insecure can make them feel insane by refusing to apologize.
They don't mind sitting with other people's resentment, especially if it makes them feel more empowered to gaslight, so they avoid confrontation, blame-shift, play the victim, and completely fall short on taking responsibility for their mistakes.
While it might be hard, without accountability, there's no true relationship foundation to build off of. People who actively avoid taking it and apologizing for their mistakes are indirectly telling their partner, friend, or peer that they don't care as much about you as protecting their own ego and comfort.
7. You're hyper-aware of energy
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Fearing rejection, abandonment, and grappling with childhood trauma can all make people more hypervigilant about energy in social interactions and relationships, pushing them to people-please when they sense anger, set their own needs aside, and avoid confrontation.
However, if you're always walking on eggshells around people you're supposed to feel safest around, that could be one of the signs you're surrounded by the wrong friends and peers.
Healthy relationships are founded on trust and communication. If you don't feel safe to express concerns, handle conflict, or even set boundaries with someone, they could be making you feel "crazy," when really you're just yearning for empathy and connection.
8. You're criticized often
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According to a study from Personal Relationships, criticism often plays a big role in many of the hurtful interactions that plague relationships, whether it's with a romantic partner or your best friends. People who are overly critical of others without much reason tend to grapple with insecurities of their own, urging them to project and call out other people to cope with their own discomfort.
However, no matter where this judgmental nature stems from, it can make other people feel unheard, unvalued, and resentful in ways that manifest strangely. It's one of the signs you're not crazy, it's people around you that make you feel insane and underappreciated.
9. You always have to over-explain yourself
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Rather than simply trusting you, actively listening to what you're saying, and expressing gratitude, toxic people will force their partners, friends, and peers to always over-explain themselves to the point of developing their own insecurities and self-doubt.
It can make you feel crazy when you're always over-explaining yourself. You're not only overthinking everything you say, you're also likely suppressing certain emotions and falling short on expressing concerns when you feel like they won't be heard by the people around you.
Finding friends that hear you, offer grace, and appreciate you, even in difficult times, is incredibly important to crafting a stable sense of self and mental well-being. Don't ignore these moments of anxiety and confusion, as they're often signs you've grown out or away from toxic people in your life.
10. You don't feel like yourself
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Feeling disconnected from your true identity, beliefs, and voice is common when you're surrounded by toxic people always trying to take those things away from you. Whether it's gaslighting tendencies, emotional manipulation, or simply disengagement, the kinds of people that make you feel insane are more concerned about themselves than empowering you to be your most authentic self.
If you start to feel like you can't be yourself or are unsure of your own identity around people, don't ignore those feelings. They're incredibly profound and can lead you to the people who are truly meant to be in your life.
11. You feel like you're 'too much'
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If you're constantly second-guessing yourself and feeling like "too much" to the people who are supposed to endlessly support you, chances are you're around the wrong people. Whether it's friends, family, or close peers, you should never feel pressured to dull your personality or suppress your needs for the sake of anyone else's comfort.
The people you surround yourself with also have the power to set boundaries and choose to end a relationship, but pressuring, judging, and criticizing people for being themselves is never the right answer.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
