11 Common Habits That Destroy A Person's Reputation Without Them Even Realizing
Reputation isn't built in a day, but it can crumble in just a moment.
Anatoliy Karlyuk / Shutterstock What's wild is that many people unknowingly sabotage their own reputations with habits that they claim are harmless but are actually crossing a red line. You won't know until they speak up against you, and whether you meant to do it or not, the damage has already been done.
From constantly flaking on your friends to flirting with other people in front of your significant other, several common habits can destroy a person's reputation without them even realizing it. It's not all doom and gloom, though, because once you are made aware of these habits then you can work on fixing them. Your reputation may be in the gutter, but others will respect your efforts to change.
Here are 11 common habits that destroy a person's reputation without them even realizing
1. Constantly canceling plans
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Imagine how you would feel if you spent hours getting ready for dinner and your friend cancels at the last minute, again! Flaking out at the last minute is considered rude and disrespectful especially if those plans were made weeks in advance. A YouGov poll found that 36% of Americans often agree to plans in advance only to realize close to the date that they don't want to participate.
If you're the one constantly cancelling plans then you will be the one to gain a reputation for being an unreliable friend. The first step to stop yourself from being a mirage friend and restoring your reputation is to own up to the fact that you made others feel like they weren't as important to you as other things. An apology, along with being consistent can go a long way here. If you don't, then sooner or later, they'll just stop inviting you all together. Ouch.
2. Making promises you can't keep
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This is how you earn the reputation of being someone who disappoints people. Making promises that you never intended to keep damages the trust of the person you made that promise to. It's hard to rebuild trust after it's broken and even if you do it won't ever be the same again. Not only will people start to second guess you but you'll earn the reputation of 'the boy who cried wolf.'
According to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people in romantic relationships often make big promises because they want their partners to be happy but fail to keep those promises they made in the end. This creates a wedge between us and the people we care about. So, if you want to maintain trust and respect in your relationships then start making promises that you know you can actually keep. If you don't, you risk breaking hearts and your reputation.
3. Being a habitual liar
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At first, the fibs might seem harmless or even clever, but once people catch you then they start to question everything you say. As the saying goes, if you tell the truth then you don't have to remember anything. The more lies you tell then the more you have to invent to cover up the ones before. Once you become known for being dishonest it becomes incredibly difficult for others to feel safe confiding in you.
Research by the University of Massachusetts found that 60% of adults lie during a typical 10-minute conversation averaging two or 3 lies within that short timeframe. The problem with being a habitual liar is that eventually the liar will find themselves isolated as people will naturally distance themselves from the deception. Repairing a damaged reputation caused by habitual lying is possible but it requires time and effort on your part.
4. Talking down to others
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Berating people in a public setting with a condescending tone will give you the reputation of someone who is rude and abrasive. You could do this by talking down to service staff or even putting down friends and family. A study published in Human Performance found that one of the key stressors that servers dealt with while on the job was verbal aggression from customers.
The good news is that you can fix it. It all starts with you becoming more self-aware and mindful of what you say. People will see you as more approachable the kinder you are to them. Being respectful and down-to-earth boosts your credibility. Plus, it's way more fun to build others up than to bring them down.
5. Playing favorites
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Treating some people better than others creates resentment. Favoritism in any kind of situation creates an atmosphere of inequality where the people who you are paying no mind to feel heavily undervalued. When you play favorites especially with your group of friends you begin to pit one friend against another. People never want to compare themselves to others as this causes self-esteem issues.
You can fix this by being honest with yourself and reflect on how your favoritism might have harmed others. Only by addressing it openly can you begin to rebuild trust. People will be watching you to see if your actions line up with your words. Show them through your behavior that you won’t do it again.
6. Being overly judgmental
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Criticizing others without understanding their perspective isolates you from them. When you are quick to criticize to form harsh opinions of others before even getting to know them it can cause conflicts. People may begin to associate you as being arrogant and won’t want to be in your presence.
Overly judgmental people also tend to become hypocritical when it comes to their beliefs. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. So, it should be equally acceptable for someone to give you equal treatment for the way you have been treating them. The only way to change your reputation for being judgmental is to apologize and admit that you were too quick to judge them.
7. Using others for personal gain
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Once you get the reputation of being a user. People can tell that you're only around when it benefits you. Imagine a man who consistently uses women for personal gain. He doesn't actually care about them but uses them for the benefits that they provide, like emotional support or social status.
This kind of behavior is deceitful and exploitative.You will make people feel like they are being emotionally manipulated. According to a study by Academia, individuals exhibiting narcissistic and Machiavellian traits often engage in emotional manipulation of this kind. These behaviors lead to a loss of trust and respect among partners and peers. The only way to regain that respect is through complete transparency.
8. Flirting with everyone
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We all know someone who flirts with everyone they come into contact with and while the charm might turn heads at first when third person is involved things can get a little bit tricky. Flirting in front of your partner is not only disrespectful but it can also damage your reputation. Friends or even colleagues might not want to bring their significant others around you if they know you have a wandering eye.
A study from the University of Kansas found that only 36% of men and 18% of women correctly identified when someone was flirting with them. Could you imagine how many misunderstandings have occurred between couples during public gatherings? Now, add a third person into the mix like a friend or a co-worker and watch as things get awkward quickly. The only way you can fix this is by trying to be a better romantic partner. Go to therapy, read a book, or better yet just stay in doors if you know that you are a cheater.
9. Refusing to adapt
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Sticking to old habits makes you appear inflexible. Others might refer to you as someone who is uncooperative especially in group settings. If you refuse to change then this could hinder your progress in growth. So, stop pushing back against the changes that others so easily embrace.
An easy way to change this is by being more open to adaptability, but that requires a shift in your mindset and a lot of effort. Focus on the skills or knowledge that you're gaining rather than on the discomfort that comes from new situations. Once you do this people will start to notice your personal growth and their negative view of you will start to change.
10. Failing to acknowledge mistakes
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Failing to acknowledge your mistakes can significantly damage your reputation. Denying your errors makes you seem dishonest and shows that you lack accountability. It also shows immaturity and a lack of responsibility because how can you admit to the mistakes that you have made if you feel like they aren't mistakes? This behavior not only causes others to lose trust in you but shows that you're never going to change.
On the upside that you do change so that you can regain what little reputation that you have left then the best course of action is to make amends. Apologize to the people that you have wronged in the past and hope that they forgive you. If not, you'll be the laughing stock of the city.
11. Being overly competitive
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Trying to outdo everyone all the time can make you seem petty or insecure. If you are always trying to win at all costs then it can make you seem aggressive or even hostile. People might not even want to be around you because they're afraid that you'll turn everything into a competition. You may not even realize that you are behaving in ways that make people side-eye you.
Demonstrating humility is an easy way to gain some of the reputation you have lost here. As the saying goes, a good loser is better than a bad winner. Remember that it's not how you win but how you act when you win. You've taken years to build your reputation and the last thing you want to do is lose it in a few minutes.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
