11 Signs You Don't Belong In Your Current Friend Group Because Honestly You Deserve Way Better

Many people feel obligated to "fix" or tolerate their bad friendships, simply because they've been in the relationship for so long. Others feel pressured to stay in toxic platonic relationships because they don't believe they'll be able to find better ones, and truly fear being alone. But let this be your reminder: you don't need bad friends. Putting yourself first, even if that means looking inward and setting boundaries, is always more fulfilling and invigorating.

From feeling drained after spending time together to putting on a "mask," there are many signs you don't belong in your current friend group because, honestly, you deserve way better. Whether it's a fear of being alone, being a "people-pleaser," or struggling to stand up for yourself, you have the power to change your mindset around friendships when you start to recognize the signs they're draining you.

Here are 11 signs you don't belong in your current friend group because honestly you deserve way better

1. You feel drained after being with them

woman feeling drained after being with friends sitting on a bus Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock

On top of being emotionally drained by the "takers" and overwhelmed by friends in constant "crisis modes," many people feel exhausted after spending time with people because they're struggling with authenticity. If you don't feel safe and secure to be your authentic self, you'll be quickly drained by people who only accept and care about you when you fit into their rigid boxes.

So, if you feel drained after being with these kinds of people, that's a sign you don't belong in your current friend group, because, honestly, you deserve better.

2. You feel relief when they cancel plans

woman relieved after friends canceled plans DimaBerlin | Shutterstock

While canceling plans a ton and not showing up for commitments can generally be a sign of a bad friend who doesn't care to respect your time or keep their promises, the relief you may feel when they cancel could be a sign. If anxiety and fear plague your interactions, chances are you'll be calmer knowing you don't have to interact with them.

Even if it's on a subconscious level — your nervous system letting go of stress related to these friends — it's a sign that you deserve better friends, who not only keep their commitments and show up for you, but make you feel safe, loved, and secure.

3. You put on a 'mask' with them

man who puts on a mask with his friends turned away silverkblackstock | Shutterstock

If you feel like you have to censor yourself around your "friends" and play a persona to feel accepted in a friend group, chances are you're surrounding yourself with the wrong people. While these kinds of relationships can be draining on the surface, it's also important to note that the people you surround yourself with and the relationships you cultivate are your primary drivers of joy in life. If you're around the wrong people, everything else suffers alongside them.

So, if you feel like you can't be yourself around the people you spend the most time with, that's saying you don't belong in your current friend group and, of course, deserve to find the people you do. Even if it's a process to step away from these friends and find new ones, being alone — working on yourself and accepting your authenticity — will always be better than being around people who don't accept you for you.

4. They mock your dreams

woman hugging friend while mocking her dreams PeopleImages | Shutterstock

Even if they're your closest friends, jealous friends will often make comparisons and tear you down to make themselves feel more comfortable and secure. Whether it's talking poorly behind your back or making comments that dismiss your success, these aren't the kinds of people you want to have around.

Mocking your dreams and invalidating the kinds of things that bring you joy are both signs you don't belong in your current friend group because, honestly, you deserve way better. Find people who appreciate and uplift you, even if you don't have the same life journeys or the same kinds of interests.

5. They speak negatively behind your back

woman speaking negatively behind a friend's back talking on the phone Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

While there are several reasons why a "friend" may speak negatively about you or gossip behind your back, it's often rooted in jealousy. They're jealous of your personality, your job, your success — or a slew of other things — and find it difficult to be truly happy and supportive for you. They may also be insecure about their own friendships, feeling drawn toward gossip for the sake of bonding and intimacy with others.

However, if someone is so insecure in their own identity that they bring you down for a sense of comfort, that's a sign that you're in the wrong friend group and definitely deserve better.

6. Their 'jokes' are condescending and rude

woman listening to a man whose jokes are condescending and rude OWL_VISION_STUDIO | Shutterstock

Condescending and passive-aggressive behaviors are often subtle by nature, which is why it's so easy to feel drained or invalidated around certain people without truly understanding the root cause. From passing rude comments to believing that they're "better than you" in every case, a condescending friend will do whatever it takes to bring you down to their level.

So, if you're always justifying your decisions, forced to cope and call out mean-spirited comments, and feeling drained after leaving a conversation with someone you consider to be a friend, it could be a sign that you're choosing the wrong people to spend time with.

7. They don't take accountability

woman who doesn't take accountability looking at a friend fizkes | Shutterstock

If you have a friend who urges you to sweep concerns under the rug or refuses to apologize when they make a mistake or hurt your feelings, you may be in the wrong friend group. Not only is it disillusioning to have to justify your hurt and sometimes take accountability for your own pain, but it's also exhausting to feel like you're with someone who always prioritizes their own ego over you.

Even if their chronic victimhood or blame-shifting is subtle, making you feel "crazy" or like you're "overreacting" for calling out something that hurt your feelings, this lack of accountability is draining. You may feel like this person can charm everyone and has a million friends, but when it comes to your one-on-one interactions, there's no escaping the feeling of invalidation and resentment.

If you have to suppress your concerns, hide from your true feelings, and protect their comfort just to keep the peace and high vibes in a friendship, you're around the wrong kind of people.

8. They bond more over gossip than vulnerability

friends bonding over gossip pics five | Shutterstock

If you're always gossiping about others, talking down, and feeling drained by negativity in conversations with a friend group, chances are you're with the wrong people. Even though research shows that occasional gossip can be bonding and validating in certain situations, its negativity when used constantly is effortlessly contagious.

Especially when that's the main theme of your interactions and conversations, over things like emotional vulnerability, connection, and empathetic language, that's a sign you don't belong with this friend group and, frankly, deserve so much better.

9. Things feel hard when they're around

woman telling friend to stop Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

If it's consistently hard to make plans, hard to spend time together, and hard to communicate and be vulnerable with your friends, those are signs you don't belong in your current friend group and, honestly, deserve better.

Friendships, just like any other kind of relationship, are going to take work and evolve through different stages in life. However, they shouldn't be in a constant state of work without moments of beauty, connection, and honesty.

If it's always hard, you're always drained, and you feel constantly invalidated by the friends in your life, chances are you're surrounded by people who don't appreciate or love you.

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10. You're the only one growing

woman who feels like she's the only one growing in her friendship Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

If you feel stuck when you're around certain people, ridiculed for growing up and achieving things, or invalidated for growing, chances are you're around the wrong crowd. Not growing at the same rate or having the same life plans as your friends is natural — that doesn't mean you have to end the friendships.

However, we sometimes just outgrow our friends. It's difficult to let go and even harder to consider making new ones, but if we stick around people who drain our energy and sabotage our growth, that's only introducing more resentment, mistrust, and anger.

11. They don't listen

woman talking to friend who doesnt listen Bricolage | Shutterstock

If you have a friend who is always talking but never listening, you could be feeling drained every time you spend time together. You're always checking in on them, asking questions, and being an active listener, but you hardly ever get that same intention and energy in return.

These friend groups may even know nothing about you, even if you're up to date on their most intimate relationship details and insecurities. These are all obvious signs that you're in the wrong friend group and deserve better.

Not every friendship is made to be the most vulnerable and emotional one, but you deserve basic respect, empathy, and attention.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.