5 Classic Signs Of A Toxic Friend Who Will Only Bring You Down, According To Psychology
Friendship should lift you up, but psychology says these signs reveal when someone is draining you instead.
Omid Armin | Unsplash Throughout my life, I’ve had to make some hard cuts and sever some toxic, albeit long-standing relationships. And I came to realize that doing so was not an act of cruelty, but an act of self-care.
I was having a hard time balancing my work life with my friends, family, and romantic relationships. I barely left enough time for the number one person in my life — myself — and I realized that the only way I could find happiness again was to change my old habits and behaviors, many of which stemmed from bad relationships.
Extracting myself from the relationships that were dragging me down freed up my mental capacity to focus on strengthening those relationships that raised me up. It’s not easy deciding to cut off toxic relationships that will only drain you.
Here are 5 classic signs of a toxic friend who will only bring you down, according to psychology:
1. They’re a drain on energy
If you dread seeing this person or feel depleted after you do, they are not additive to your life. They are toxic. Friends who constantly drain your energy are often considered toxic because the dynamic is one-sided, leaving you feeling emotionally exhausted, inadequate, and stressed.
Research suggests that these energy vampires deplete your mental resources without offering reciprocal support, leading to decreased self-esteem, feelings of anxiety, and emotional fatigue over time.
2. They’re a drain on resources
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Anyone who regularly exploits your generosity — whether it’s your time or actual money — is not a friend, but a freeloader.
When one person consistently gives more than they receive in terms of energy, time, or even financial help, the relationship becomes unequal. A 2019 study explained that toxic friends often put their own needs first, and fail to ever consider your well-being.
3. They’re all about the drama
Think drama just follows some people around? False. Toxic people attract negative energy, which makes them a magnet for drama. Time for a curtain call.
Healthy friendships contribute to increased happiness, self-esteem, and a sense of purpose, while toxic relationships can erode these benefits. Research has found that a friendship centered on constant drama can prevent both individuals from achieving growth, learning, and building more meaningful connections.
4. They require you to make excuses for them
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If you find yourself making excuses for how someone behaves or treats you or others, first of all, stop because you are enabling them and thus are part of the problem. And second of all, recognize them for what they are — a negative force in your and others’ lives.
One study indicated that this blame-shifting can be a type of defense mechanism where they deflect blame for their behavior onto others, making them the scapegoat. When you create excuses for them, what you are really doing is helping them maintain a positive self-image, as well as helping them avoid owning up to their faults.
5. They make you less you
This is perhaps the scariest one of all. If you find that you are your judgiest, meanest, or most insecure self around this person, they’re not a friend.
Real friends make you shine brightest. Toxic people turn out the lights. You only have so much bandwidth. Don’t waste it on toxic people. And as I’ve said before, time is hands-down your most valuable asset.
You can make more money; you can’t make more time. The more protective you are of how to spend it and who you spend it with, the stronger your community will be, and you will be stronger as a result.
Nicole Lapin is a writer who focuses on friendships, relationships, and self-care.
