12 Types Of People You Should Stop Being Friends With Because They Dim Your Shine, Says Psychology
Not everyone in your life is rooting for your success, so be wary.
Prostock-studio | Canva When it comes to friends, there are bound to be a few bad apples in the bunch. For whatever reason — maybe they're overly critical, perpetually depressed, or just plain annoying — you can't stand to be around them.
Rather than keeping these negative people in your life, consider giving these friendships the heave-ho — or your light could dim. "Keeping toxic people around could take away time and energy from positive friends, damage your self-esteem or put you in harm's way," said Jan Yager, Ph.D., sociologist and author of When Friendship Hurts.
Here are twelve types of people you should stop being friends with because they dim your shine, says psychology:
1. The Faultfinder
You know these people: they're always critical of everything you do and say, which can be contagious. If this friend has redeeming traits, ignore the overly critical comments or make a joke by saying something like, "Let's see if you can last an hour without saying anything negative."
However, if you're unable to distance yourself or your self-esteem is hurting too much, step away from the toxic friendship. A study in the Journal of Personality explored how sociability and self-esteem are interwoven with friendship quality.
2. The Therapist
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Too much advice is never good, especially from a supposed friend. If you're keeping this person around because of the other wonderful traits they possess, tell your friend you don't want advice unless you ask. Or thank the person without discussing their comments.
Another solution? Start analyzing them, and they may realize how annoying that can be.
3. The Self-Absorbed
Everyone is self-absorbed to some extent, but when a person is always focused on themselves and never lets you share anything about yourself, something needs to give.
Because they may not be aware they are doing this, let your friend know. If they can't curb this trait and you don't want the friendship to end, limit how long you let them go on about themselves, then give yourself equal air time.
4. The Copy-Cat
Imitation is the highest form of flattery, but it could create hostility between you and your friend. If you want to keep them around, protect yourself by keeping things to yourself more often or timing when you share information. If this trait has become too annoying, end the friendship.
A 2023 study investigated the differences between ways people will end a friendship. Some people will choose to immediately end things with a friend who has strained the relationship. While other people followed a gradual process to call it quits.
5. The Promise Breaker
You're tired of constantly being disappointed by this friend, so if you want to keep this person around, lower your expectations. Also, call your friend about this behavior. Clue them in by asking, "Did you know this is the fourth time in two months you had to cancel lunch at the last minute?"
However, if this trait puts you in too many compromising situations and makes you feel frustrated or disappointed in yourself for being treated like this, it may be time to abandon ship.
6. The Risk Taker
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From shoplifting and experimenting with drugs to driving recklessly, your daredevil friend's behavior should raise serious red flags.
"You need to protect yourself," Yager says, adding that you want to encourage your friend to stop her risk-taking ways.
But don't try to change her yourself; more than likely, your friend will need help from a professional therapist. Then tell your friend you're suspending your relationship until they are safer to be around.
7. The Competitor
Some competition can be healthy if your friend's goals or achievements serve as motivation for you. If the Competitor wants what you have, acts in a hostile way, and will do anything, not only to get what you have but take it away, this could cost you.
If your friend has to get a house that's bigger or more expensive than yours to seem more successful than you, it may be time to dump them.
8. The Energy Vampire
This friend is overly dependent on you for emotional support or information. True, it can be flattering to be needed, and of course, the bloodsucker may be there for you when other friends are too busy for you.
But this energy vampire can be draining, which is why you should consider whether this friend is worth keeping. As long as you set limits and know that this person will probably make extreme demands on you, you can keep this person in your life.
9. The Abuser
Don't tolerate anybody who verbally or physically abuses you. Of course, in some situations, it can be tough to figure out what constitutes abuse. Keep in mind that if someone is vicious and malicious in their comments and treatment of you, you're being verbally abused.
Even sexualized abuse may not be obvious, as it includes subtle behaviors like making offensive jokes, inappropriate comments, or harassment. If necessary, contact counseling centers, victim programs, addiction programs, or emergency hotlines for help. Then keep this kind of person away from you.
10. The Double-Crosser
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From spreading lies about you to going after your romantic partner, the Double-Crosser's actions are the exact opposite of a friend's. If the double-cross happened only once, you might decide to continue the friendship, but let this person know this behavior is unacceptable.
If you can't forgive, cut the friendship. Just don't ignite their wrath, or they could turn against you.
11. The Controller
Being a Controller is part of this person's personality, which means it's a harder trait to break. But it can be frustrating for you to be dominated so much.
Maybe the Controller has to pick out everything you do as friends and give an opinion on everything you do or want to do without being asked. There is no give and take, as the Controller is uncomfortable and bossy if you want to choose something.
If you want to keep the friendship alive, let the person know how much you dislike being controlled. This trait, though, may become so negative that you may need to break ties.
12. The Downer
"The Downer is a person you have to let into your life with care because this trait can be contagious," Yager says. It goes without saying, of course, that these types are always down, but ironically, if you're upbeat, that may be the reason the Downer was attracted to you in the first place.
It is not your job to be a therapist. But realize your friend may not be able to change without professional help. Decide if they have any redeeming traits and if you can stay upbeat around them. If not, end the friendship. Don't keep them around just because you feel sorry for them.
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