13 Psychological Tricks Brilliant People Use To Gain Control Of Any Situation
PerfectWave | Shutterstock Have you ever been talking to someone and, no matter how much you tried, you just weren't clicking with them? They just didn't seem to understand what you were asking, or maybe they misunderstood what you said. It seems like you're having trouble connecting with them on a level deeper than just small talk, but you aren't quite sure how to bridge the gap. But once you learn some of the psychological tricks brilliant people use to gain control of any situation, you can communicate and connect with almost anyone.
Unfortunately, according to studies from Pew Research Center, almost one-third of Americans don't know a single one of their neighbors, and almost half never interact with people who live close to their home. And while getting to know your neighbors is only a small part of forming connections, it's a good starting point, especially for those who find it difficult to break the ice. Because once someone truly understands how to form deep connections, they'll never want to stop meeting new people.
Here are 13 psychological tricks brilliant people use to gain control of any situation
1. Maintain eye contact
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If the person you're speaking with gives you an unsatisfactory answer — a lie, or a response that's confusing or unclear — don't ask the question again. Instead, simply focus on their eyes and don't say anything. Maintaining eye contact is a technique that will make the other person feel trapped in a way, and they will feel compelled to continue their thoughts.
According to Leil Lowndes, author of "How to Instantly Connect with Anyone," when people make eye contact with each other, it shows "honesty, respect, interest, intelligence, candor, and confidence." When you maintain that contact, don't just stare; rather, as Lowndes suggests, note the shape of their eyes or their eye color.
2. Stay cool
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If you're not used to communicating with someone new but have heard they have a bit of a temper, remember that staying cool and calm is one of the psychological tricks brilliant people use to gain control of any situation. So, if you're talking to someone and the conversation becomes contentious, with the person screaming at you, don't do anything, as your reaction can lead them to anger.
Once their anger dissipates, they will probably feel guilty for their aggressive and unpleasant behavior, and will hopefully apologize. The most important thing to do is keep a cool head. Otherwise, the conversation can spiral out of control and you'll no longer be in charge of how it goes.
3. Remain nearby the conversation
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When you're aware that the person you're talking with has a tendency to criticize, blame or make rude comments, face your fear and try to sit or stand beside them. Stick close to them and don't move away.
According to Communication Studies, Americans prefer a distance of about 18 inches between themselves and another person in a casual conversation. And while you don't need to be inches away from their face and body when speaking, if you're near this person and in a very close proximity, they will be less negative about you than if you were at a distance.
4. Chew gum
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Research published in Nutrients found that eating a meal is often associated with safety and feeling relaxed, so if you're worried about an encounter with someone, chew gum. While it may seem strange, there's an added benefit to it.
Chewing gum will fool your brain into thinking that you're eating and that there's nothing to be alarmed about. As a result of chewing gum, you will feel much more confident and able to gain control of the situation.
5. Imagine that the person you need to impress is a good friend
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Whether you're going in for a job interview or are about to take a very important test, it's best to pretend that the interviewer or proctor is a close friend. The same goes for having a conversation with someone you may not know that well.
"Friendships are built through seeking opportunities for meaningful interaction, rather than shallow banter. With people who are important to you, wisely using time together, even if limited by circumstances or your respective schedules, can turn acquaintances into true friends," behavioral analyst Wendy L. Patrick explained.
6. Look at people's eyes after telling a joke
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According to a study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, if a group of people begin laughing at the same time, everybody in that group will instinctively look at the person they like the most or the person with whom they want to get closer to. Use this to your advantage and make it another psychological trick brilliant people use to gain control of any situation.
If you focus on people's eyes after they say something funny, you will get some valuable information. Take note of who the people around you look at after making that joke. It can reveal other people's interpersonal relationships, and potentially how people feel about you.
7. Act happier than normal when meeting someone new
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Every time you meet someone new, in order to get control of the communication, articulate a little more happiness than usual. Even if you're having a bad day yourself, you want to give off positive vibes that attract others to you. That means you can smile sincerely or try to say their name kindly and warmly.
Over time, you will relate much better to this person, and the enjoyment of being in each other's presence will be sincere. Your demeanor will tell people you're confident and happy, and because there's a strong association between happiness and self-esteem, others will believe it too.
8. Put a mirror behind yourself at work
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If your work is connected to people, it's possible to encourage them (without their knowledge) to behave better. And all it takes is a simple psychological trick. Generally, people always try to look their best in a mirror, and never want to appear to themselves as unkempt, unprepared, or rude.
So, if there's a mirror behind you, people will see their reflections, and will smile and be nicer. For them, it shows others that they're kind and polite, rather than condescending or insulting, even if that was their goal in the first place.
9. Look behind the person's shoulders
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If you want to get the attention of someone you like or want to get to know better, look at something directly behind their shoulders. It may seem counterintuitive to not look directly at the person, but this is simply to hold their attention. And once you know that you've caught the other person's sight, quickly look into their eyes and smile.
As we know, eye contact is directly connected to attraction. Research, including one study published in Scientific Reports, determined that holding a gaze with someone can create a deeper sense of connection and, of course, attraction. So, when you lock eyes with someone after staring over their shoulder, you have a higher chance of creating that connection.
10. Relieve your stress
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When we're stressed, we have a tendency to breathe deeper while our heart pounds ridiculously fast. Unfortunately, how we feel inside can manifest itself in our physical body language or verbal cues. But when you find ways to control your stress in situations like this, you're mastering one of the psychological tricks brilliant people use to gain control of any situation.
If you're feeling stressed or anxious in a conversation, force yourself to breathe at a more regular pace and slow down your heartbeat. You have the power to relax with just a calm breathing technique, and get the conversation right back on course.
11. Focus on eye color
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When trying to make a connection with someone you're attracted to, are trying to get sympathy from, or simply want to form a deeper bond with, it's important to focus on that person's eye color. This is especially helpful for people who have trouble focusing.
According to a 2024 study, maintaining intense eye contact can be effective in building trust and connection with another person. But deeper than holding eye contact, looking someone in the eye and noting their eye color is just one of many ways to reveal information about them.
12. Raise the bar
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When you're first making your terms known, make them exceedingly high, knowing that the person you're negotiating with will probably not agree to them. But because you don't quite know this person, they might actually agree on the actual terms you offer after making a large request.
People tend to cave in on a smaller request or requirement when they've denied you on something larger beforehand. This is known as the door-in-the-face technique. But it's also another of the psychological tricks brilliant people use to gain control of any situation, and all it takes is a simple request.
13. Exhibit confidence
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People are drawn to others with confidence in themselves and their actions. Even if you're not extremely self-assured, if you look like you are, people will believe it. This is not only true in conversations, but in body language as well.
Having good posture, for example, can actually increase a person's confidence. Additionally, visualizing yourself as a confident person not only tells others how you feel, but can even convince you that you're much more confident than you actually are.
Christine Schoenwald is a writer, performer, and astrology lover. Her work has been featured in The Los Angeles Times, Bustle, Medium, Huffington Post, Business Insider, and Woman's Day, among many others.
