The Art Of Eye Contact: 8 Types Of Eye Contact That Reveal Exactly How Someone Feels About You
A glance, a stare, a look away… every kind of eye contact has a meaning.
Mathias Huysmans | Unsplash They say eyes are the windows to the soul — and that's not just poetic fluff. The truth is, different types of eye contact reveal exactly how someone feels about you, whether it's attraction, curiosity, or discomfort. When someone locks eyes with you, looks away too quickly, or holds your gaze a little too long, those silent moments can speak volumes. Reading the meaning behind someone's stare (or lack of it) can tell you far more about what's going on in their head than their words ever could.
Understanding the art of eye contact is one of the best ways to connect with others — romantically, socially, or professionally. It's how you show interest, sense chemistry, and pick up on feelings people are trying to hide. Whether you're sitting across from a date, catching someone's glance across the room, or noticing someone suddenly avoid your gaze, their eyes always have something to say. Here are different types of eye contact that reveal exactly how someone feels about you.
Here are 8 types of eye contact that reveal exactly how someone feels about you:
1. The non-threatening stare
This type of staring is the good type, where you're intently focusing on someone's eyes, and not in a creepy way. Staring at someone could show that you're attracted to them, but you might be afraid to admit it.
However, staring can be tricky; if you stare at someone for too long, it can come across as confrontational, invasive, and, at the very least, make them uncomfortable.
When someone holds your gaze and you return it, it can foster a deeper sense of connection and attraction. If the person's body language becomes more relaxed or their posture straightens, a 2019 study suggests they are comfortable and positively engaged.
Staring softly into someone else's eyes for an appropriately prolonged level of time can show that you're romantically attracted to someone, especially when focusing on their eyes or lips, and accompanying it with a slight smile. You can further disarm them with what's known as a Duchenne Smile, or more colloquially, "smizing."
2. Intentionally avoiding eye contact
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This type of eye contact, as you might have guessed, involves purposefully trying as much as humanly possible to avert meeting eyes with someone else. This lack of eye contact can be a signal that someone is attracted to you but is very shy and anxious to give in and establish eye contact with you.
However, this type of eye contact can only be determined if you're already somewhat clued into what could be behind these missed connections, such as if someone had already told you that this person was into you.
This type of eye contact could also demonstrate, either from a stranger or someone you know well, that they don't want to talk to you, they aren't interested, or perhaps they have social anxiety.
3. Unintentionally avoiding eye contact
This form of eye contact (or lack thereof) could mean any number of reasons, but it's safe to say it's rarely directed in any negative way toward you — or that it has anything to do with you at all.
The person might simply be looking around absent-mindedly and is unaware of you individually, not necessarily because you don't stand out, but because they're preoccupied or otherwise not actually paying attention to the people around them in any emotionally attuned way.
They could also be subconsciously preoccupied with issues of their own, such as a fight they had with someone earlier that morning. They may have a habit of avoiding others' eyes due to trauma that has seriously impacted their ability to connect with others.
While it is a common myth that liars always avoid eye contact, some people might unintentionally do so due to guilt. However, research suggests that good liars can maintain eye contact to appear more credible.
They could also have behavior associated with a specific attachment style or otherwise be impacted by another mental health-related matter.
4. Suddenly avoiding eye contact
This lack of eye contact is more concerning because it most likely has something to do with your relationship with that person, even if you barely know each other.
In a more innocent example, let's say you went out on a date and now they feel embarrassed about something they said or did, particularly if they're not used to being vulnerable or aren't ready to face the idea of a romantic connection.
In other cases, they could be harboring negative emotions, like anger or pent-up resentment toward you, but they don't want to confront you about it yet (or, at least, in the present, surrounding environment).
Regardless of the situation, consider the context and try using your intuition to know whether it would be best to gently break the silence and ask if everything is OK, or if it would be best to keep your distance until they're ready to approach you. (Chances are, you can bet on the latter.)
5. The unconscious glance
Similar to unintentionally avoiding eye contact, the unconscious glance usually comes from a place of being aloof, disinterested in whatever's going on, and distractedly scanning the room.
Maybe this person is sitting in yet another hour-long meeting that could have been summed up in an email, and they're bored out of their minds, letting their mind wander. Perhaps they're the presenter and are trying to connect with their audience by making eye contact with them.
Or, as in most instances, it could have been a complete accident. Either way, it's usually harmless and not intended to communicate anything, one way or the other.
A 2014 study found that the specific visual pattern indicates the type of attraction. People tend to look at things they like and avoid things they don't. Averted eye gaze can signal a lack of interest or can cause feelings of ostracism in the person being looked away from.
6. The conscious glance
This is probably one of the most common types of eye contact when strangers are trying to establish a connection with one another, especially in the case of building attraction — a "spark" — between them.
You might elbow your way through a crowd to subtly stand in proximity to a person you're interested in. You begin by testing out the unconscious glance, "accidentally" catching their gaze, then holding it for a beat (not a moment longer) while flashing a friendly smile to see if they notice and gauge whether they might be open to chatting.
You can usually tell if they are attracted to you if they respond to your glance and mirror your body language, turning toward you and sending a smile back.
7. Furtive or "stolen" glances
Furtive glances are when a person who likes you takes a look at you to register what you look like and then looks away before you catch them staring. This is because the person might be attracted to you, but they're too shy to let you know.
Stealing glances suggests that a person has caught the observer's attention, according to an article by Yale University. It often stems from a desire to look at someone they find appealing while being too shy, nervous, or cautious to maintain direct eye contact.
They can't help but keep darting their eyes back at you, as they're drawn to you. If you catch on and can lock eyes for even just a second, it can feel electrifying if that lightning bolt of mutual attraction strikes.
8. The second glance
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This type of eye gaze can go in very separate ways, so you have to use your judgment carefully. Often, this occurs when you happen to notice someone who was already looking at you intently. Briefly, lock eyes before they suddenly avert their gaze, usually by looking down, then back up at you again.
This is like the double-take of eye contact, as they clearly find you attractive and want to establish some chemistry and build the attraction they feel.
Alternatively, this person might consciously or unconsciously be gravitating toward you, simply because they find you interesting but don't want to seem rude. While they might be curious about you, they don't want to send the wrong message.
It's critical that, whenever you're trying to assess the situation when it comes to different types of contact and what they mean, you need to be sensitive to the fact that the meaning behind their direct gaze or avoidant gaze could be influenced by any number of differential factors, such as their family or cultural background being different from the contextual conventions you were raised in.
One thing about eye contact, however, is that it is naturally influenced by our human intuition, regardless of when or where we grew up. While it is still an art, the trick to understanding the meaning behind different types of eye contact and how they relate to attraction isn't so mysterious after all.
Megan Hatch is a multimedia journalist, an Emerson College graduate with a major in journalism and a minor in digital media and culture, and a former contributor to YourTango. Her bylines have appeared on Medium, Patch, BuzzFeed, SAGE Publishing, Voice of America, as well as dozens of independent television and online publications, and as on-air talent for Emerson College’s independent radio station, WEBN.
