Actual Introverts Find These 10 Things Draining That Everyone Else Seems To Enjoy
Jujikrivne | Shutterstock People often talk about being an introvert as if it's something to be ashamed of. Others may wear their introversion like a badge of honor. In reality, it's neither bad nor good. While introverts value friendships and social time, they need time alone in order to recharge their batteries, so to speak. Extroverts, on the other hand, recharge those batteries with social time. This is why actual introverts find some things draining that other people enjoy.
As you read this list, remember that most people are not purely introverts or extroverts, according to researchers. If you relate to some of these and not others, that's natural, you're not a carbon copy of anyone else. This list is a guide, designed to help people identify why they sometimes enjoy things less than others or to help people who love an introvert understand what things might be exhausting for the special introverts in their lives.
Actual introverts find these 10 things draining that everyone else seems to enjoy
1. Having the spotlight forced on them
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Every introvert knows just how mentally draining it can be to have the spotlight forced on them. They really don't enjoy being the center of attention and hate feeling like they have to perform for others unless they are showcasing a skill they've worked toward and are proud of. Often, introverts are much happier being behind the scenes.
This may be a simple, uncomplicated introvert trait. But it may also be because introverts are more susceptible to anxiety, according to psychologist Dr. Laurie Helgoe, who notes that extroverts and introverts often experience different mental health challenges.
"If we look at mental health disorders, some of the impulse control disorders like substance use are more prevalent in extroverts, whereas for introverts, the internalizing disorders like depression and anxiety can be more prevalent," she says. That's why forcing an introvert into the spotlight can trigger their anxiety, leading to a decline in their emotional and physical health.
2. Friends that like to hang out 24/7
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If you're an introvert, you know that the need for space is a must. If you have a friend or loved one that wants to hang out 24/7, they are probably extroverts who feel connected and recharged from spending time with you. They likely cannot imagine that it is draining you all the way down.
Without setting clear boundaries, recharging your battery might be difficult to achieve. When an introvert refuses to set boundaries, they begin to feel overwhelmed by those around them. Worse, the idea putting themselves out there to set those boundaries may feel even more emotionally taxing.
While it may feel challenging, actual introverts benefit enormously from setting boundaries, and so will their extrovert friends. Research shows that clear, direct communication of our needs helps relationships grow, and an introvert-extrovert friendship is no exception.
3. Being alone all the time
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It might seem hard to believe, but even introverts can't stand being alone all the time. Human beings are social creatures, and even the most introverted among us crave human connection. If that wasn't the case, isolation wouldn't have such a profound impact on our health, both mental and physical.
Socializing has great benefits for anyone, regardless of whether they're introverts or extroverts. According to the National Institutes of Health, "Wide-ranging research suggests that strong social ties are linked to a longer life. In contrast, loneliness and social isolation are linked to poorer health, depression, and [more]."
If you're an introvert, you may find it draining to be alone all the time, so it's best to put yourself out there every now and then. If it feels intimidating to imagine going to a party or a club, invite someone you're comfortable with to meet you at the library for an author reading and then go for coffee. Keep it simple so you can stay connected.
4. Putting others' needs first
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Introverts and extroverts alike can fall into the trap of putting everyone else first in life, especially with family. This can get extra sticky for introverts, who need time alone to recharge and steady themselves, especially during stressful times, whereas some extroverts may be able to go years simply serving others' needs.
While everyone needs self-care time, introverts must be certain they've set aside enough time to be alone and recharge. Otherwise, they may experience caregiver burnout and find themselves snapping at others, having outbursts, growing debilitating resentments toward the people they care for or even shutting down, emotionally. This isn't fair to the introvert or likely even the people they're caring for.
Remember, introverts feel easily overwhelmed and anxious from daiy stressors. So, finding ways to detach and relax is key to restoring that energy and will serve the introvert and their loved ones well.
5. Attending last-minute social events
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An introvert's worst nightmare is attending social events that were planned at the very last minute, rather than days or even weeks or months ahead of time. They hate unpredictability and like to know when something is happening in advance.
When you throw in a last-minute get-together into an introvert's predictable schedule, it can easily become overwhelming for them, leading to both emotional and physical exhaustion. For the sake of the introverts in your life, be sure to let them in on the plans beforehand.
If you're the introvert in question, remember that last-minute plans are going to happen and you can adapt. Is it ideal? No. But being an introvert doesn't make you week, anti-social or a scaredy-cat. Rise to the occasion, join in, and then take care of your need to decompress later.
6. Being in a noisy environment
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Introverts love a concert or party as much as others, but they may not like to be in all noisy environments or to spend as much time in them. They may beg out early or start shutting down after a little while or engage less with others as it gets louder or more chaotic.
Some people may say that an introvert is just "sensitive", but it goes a little deeper than that. While introversion and being a highly sensitive person (HSP) are not the same thing, there is a lot of overlap in their traits. According to Dr. Eileen Aron, the clinician who coined the term "highly sensitive person", HSPs are often incorrectly labeled as introverts and introverts are told they are HSPs.
If you want to make an introvert (or an HSP, for that matter!) comfortable, let them know when you think a social situation will be loud so they can prepare. You can prepare yourself by being understanding if they want to leave early or need a break. If you want to talk to and engage with an introvert, maybe plan for a quieter environment.
7. Feeling big emotions
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If you're an introvert, you might find it exhausting to deal with heavy emotions. But that's probably because you're already dealing with your own emotional rollercoaster.
While some research shows that introverts tend to be more depressed and anxious than their counterparts, other research has shown that is not always the case. So don't worry, you or your introvert loved one aren't destined to depression just because you feel big emotions!
It's best for introverts to give themselves grace if they are drained by the emotions of people around them. Big emotions can be overwhelming for anyone. While you may not immediately think to talk to someone else in order to process these, it can be good for anyone to reach out when they get emotionally overwhelmed, even introverts.
8. Being in a group chat
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While text messages are often a great way to communicate with an introvert, being put in a group text without their knowledge may put them over the edge. The social pressure and constant notifications and alerts can feel like social pressure. This can be even worse if the text shows read receipts, which let others know when someone has opened and read the messages.
If an introvert is trying to recharge their batteries by being alone, they can feel overwhelmed and exhausted by having to catch up with everyone. The pressure to reply as soon as they see the text may even feel claustrophobic to them.
Don't be surprised if your introverted friend or loved one doesn't respond to group messages and mutes the chat instead for their own sanity. And if you're an introvert, feel free to let your friends know you're not that responsive on group chats and silence those alerts!
9. Their own birthday parties
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Introverts love cake, presents and their friends as much as everyone else, but the idea of a party that is all about them sounds like a nightmare. Not only is the introvert the center of attention, every person there knows them personally and wants to talk to them.
Ultimately, introverts like to know that they can leave a social setting when the time is right for them. Any party that centers around an introvert demands the introvert to stay present until the very end, and that's a lot of pressure for most introverts.
If you want to celebrate your introvert loved one's birthday or other special event, ask them what sounds fun. Maybe a quiet dinner party with a set start and end time sounds more appealing, or a group hike. A birthday beach day that starts two hours before sunset is a good idea because the party ends when the sun goes down.
10. Team-building events at work
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Getting-to-know you games and team-building events are common in today's workplace, but can be totally overwhelming to an introvert. While introverts enjoy having friendships at work, the idea of forced socializing can be overwhelming. After all, who wants to feel drained when you still have work to do?
There's good news for introverts and those that love them, however. According to Erik Heltzer, a professor at Johns Hopkins Carey Business School, introverts often imagine worst-case scenarios when anticipating social interactions. Fortunately, it's not always that bad.
"More often than not,” Heltzer says, “these interactions will go more positively than most people expect.”
That is fantastic news for introverts and their loved ones alike.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.
