11 Phrases People Use When They’re Being Polite But Don’t Actually Respect You

Welcome to the delightfully twisted world of weaponized politeness, where sugar-coated insults masquerade as good manners and passive-aggressive artistry reaches Olympic levels! It's a fascinating game of social chess where players smile sweetly while delivering calculated blows—or just trying to shrug people off.

I mean, we’ve all been there: that moment you wonder if people are actually respectful of you or if they just come off brusque. Curious if the person actually respects you? If they say any of these phrases, the answer isn’t good.

These are 11 phrases people use when they’re being polite but don’t actually respect you

1. ‘I'm sorry you feel that way’

phrases people use when they’re being polite but don’t actually respect you, ‘I'm sorry you feel that way’ MART PRODUCTION from Pexels via Canva

This is, in my opinion, the ultimate kiss-off phrase for a person who doesn’t actually respect you or believe you when you’re explaining your grievances. If it sounds like the person in question is trying to make you seem unreasonable, that’s because it likely is the case.

This phrase is documented as a famous gaslighting technique. However, it isn’t always done in a gaslighting method. It’s also a way for someone in a corporation to offer up a non-apology. Either way, it’s clear they don’t respect you.

2. ‘I’ll take note of your opinion’

phrases people use when they’re being polite but don’t actually respect you, ‘I’ll take note of your opinion’ Mike Marchetti from corelens via Canva

Oh, if this isn’t a classic piece of corporate-babble, I don’t know what is! This phrase can also be spun around as, “Oh, your opinion has been noted. Thank you for the feedback.”

This is a commonly cited phrase that comes off as passive-aggressive in the workplace, primarily because it is. The connotation, of course, is that your opinion doesn’t actually matter to the person saying this phrase.

3. ‘Good for you’

phrases people use when they’re being polite but don’t actually respect you, ‘Good for you’ AlexSalo from Getty Images via Canva

Did you ever have a moment where you were really proud of an accomplishment or feat, only to hear this come out of a person’s mouth? Sometimes, it’s sincere. Other times, that “Good for you” tends to sound just a little too saccharine.

When you notice that condescending undertone, it could be a sign that they’re trying to treat you like a small child. It’s not a good thing.

4. ‘Bless your heart’

phrases people use when they’re being polite but don’t actually respect you, ‘Bless your heart’ golubovy from Getty Images via Canva

This is a phrase that has become notorious on an international level because of the sheer amount of weight it carries in the American South. When a person says “Bless your heart,” it can be a sign of sincere sympathy.

However, it usually means something along the lines of, “Bless your heart, because your brain sure ain’t working.”

5. ‘As I was saying/Per my email…’

phrases people use when they’re being polite but don’t actually respect you, ‘As I was saying/Per my email…’ ismagilov from Getty Images via Canva

There is no quicker way to make a person hate you faster than constantly interrupting, not listening to what they say, or being a little too into yourself to actually work with them. When you get to a point where they openly dislike you but can’t say it to your face, you will be hit with one of those two lines above.

In a corporate setting, it’s the equivalent of, “Just in case you forgot to use your danged ears again, here’s what I said, fool.”

6. ‘You're surprisingly [positive trait] for a [demographic you belong to]’

phrases people use when they’re being polite but don’t actually respect you, ‘You're surprisingly [positive trait] for a [demographic you belong to]’ Liudmila Chernetska from Getty Images via Canva

Ask anyone who has experienced discrimination of any form, and you’ll hear a story of someone saying this to them in a condescending manner. This is one of the most notorious examples of a microaggression, and rightfully so.

The connotation here is that you’re part of a group that doesn’t deserve respect or that has lesser abilities. It’s not a nice thing to say.

7. ‘I really appreciate your innocence/naivete/bravery’

phrases people use when they’re being polite but don’t actually respect you, ‘I really appreciate your innocence/naivete/bravery’ Mikhail Nilov from Pexels via Canva

When people are trying to insult you in a way that sounds nice and polite, they will often frame a trait that sounds positive in a compliment. This way, if you call them out, they can clutch their pearls and go, “Touchy!”

For example, if a person is trying to give a backhanded (erm, disrespectful) compliment to someone who’s overweight, they may say, “Wow, you’re so brave to wear something like that.”

8. ‘With all due respect…’

phrases people use when they’re being polite but don’t actually respect you, ‘With all due respect…’ Mike Jones from Pexels via Canva

While this is a favorite phrase of Silvio Dante when he wants to soften the blow of a critique, the truth is that most people don’t use this phrase for that purpose. As a writer who talks to a lot of people, I’ve noticed that this is a way to politely cop out when you’re about to say something awful.

This is a phrase that is often used by someone who doesn’t think you are capable of handling things correctly. For example, this might come out as, “With all due respect, you’re overstepping your bounds on this issue. You don’t understand it the way I do.”

9. ‘Are you sure you’re in the right place/ready for this/capable?’

phrases people use when they’re being polite but don’t actually respect you, Are you sure you’re in the right place/ready for this/capable?’ fizkes from Getty Images via Canva

In certain circles, there’s an unspoken exclusion that happens with people who others deem as “less-than” or just not seen to be right for the group. This phrase is a not-so-subtle sign that they are trying to gatekeep you or that they simply don’t want you there.

This gatekeeping maneuver is a way to try to push you to leave the group or the role, often in hopes of getting you to go away of your own accord. Don’t fall for it. Instead, be confident and make sure they know that you’re aware of what you are capable of.

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10. ‘You’re not like the others’

phrases people use when they’re being polite but don’t actually respect you, ‘You’re not like the others’ laflor from Getty Images Signature via Canva

Oh, this sounds so admiration-filled, doesn’t it? Don’t be fooled by it. This is a sign that you are being put up on a pedestal by someone who hates people in your demographic. By design, they don’t like you if they’re showing approval of you because you’re “not like the others.”

If you heard this from other women about yourself, be careful. Both women and men can be fans of rejecting femininity as a way of handling their misogyny.

11. ‘You look so much better when you…’

phrases people use when they’re being polite but don’t actually respect you, You look so much better when you…’ Xsandra from Getty Images Signature via Canva

At first, this sounds like a really sweet compliment—and it can be, if you asked a friend or family member what they thought about a recent style change. However, it often tends to be a backhanded compliment that has a lot of connotations attached to it.

At the end of the day, a real friend will not continually pick apart your looks willy-nilly, especially if you didn’t ask them.

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.