11 Phrases People Say When They're Resentful But Don't Want To Admit It
They are pretending to be unbothered, but deep inside, they are seething with bitterness.
Yavdat / Shutterstock When you imagine a resentful person, loud yelling and extreme confrontation might come to mind, but the truth is that some of the most resentful people are the quietest in the room. They have a passive way of being polite and saying the right thing while anger is boiling inside of them, but the phrases people say when they're resentful and don't want to admit it tend to reveal the uncomfortable truth of their dissatisfaction.
People who bury their resentment and put on a happy face often want to avoid conflict, keep a relationship intact, or protect their ego. Instead of being vulnerable and admitting that they are hurt, they'd rather pretend to be unbothered and express their feelings in coded language. If you hear these phrases over and over again, there is a good chance someone is holding onto some resentment.
Here are 11 phrases people say when they're resentful but don't want to admit it
1. 'It's fine. I'm over it."
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You might hear this and think, "Great. Problem solved." But this is not what they are truly feeling. When a person insists that they are over it when no conversation has been had and no resolution reached, there is no real closure. As a matter of fact, they might feel as if there's no point in discussing it further and decide to give up.
It's a way of brushing the problem under the rug while still hanging onto bitterness over what you did to hurt them. It might sound as if they are at peace, but if you could see inside of them, you would find utter chaos. They still care. They have just convinced themselves that pretending not to is the safest course of action.
2. 'I don't even care anymore'
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Never take this phrase as a get-out-of-jail-free card. The truth is that they do care, but have decided that debating the issue is just not worth it. This sudden shift in attitude is a sign of resignation, not indifference. It's a defense mechanism used to prevent them from feeling disappointed in a no-win situation.
They may feel hurt, embarrassed, or rejected, and have opted for an unconcerned demeanor, so no one sees how vulnerable they are. They don't know how to properly address the emotions they are feeling, so they decide to ignore them instead. They don't really stop caring. They are just struggling to show it.
3. 'Whatever you think is best'
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When someone appears to see things your way, it sounds as if they are being agreeable, but if you look closely, you might notice that their smile doesn't quite reach their eyes. They are frustrated that you haven't heard them out and have decided to stop pursuing their plan. They feel frustrated, unseen, and unheard.
Telling you to do what you think is best is a subtle dig, implying that you will think your opinion is the right one, regardless, so further discussion is unnecessary. You might have a habit of constantly dismissing what they have to say, so they no longer bother speaking up. Really good communication consists of not just talking, but actively listening to understand and not just to respond.
4. 'Must be nice'
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There are very few phrases that reek of sarcasm like this one. This is a phrase based on jealousy and the opinion that you have received a privilege that you are not rightfully entitled to. They may not feel as blessed and favored as you are, and instead of using your status as inspiration to be and do more, they feel sorry for themselves.
What they are really trying to say is that you have the kind of freedom, support, time, or resources that they wish they had, but don't, and they resent you for it. Not only are they having an epic pity party, but they are comparing, being envious, and filled with bitterness.
5. 'You always get your way'
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Pushing back on confrontation with blanket statements like this is never productive. While it might be totally true that a person usually comes out on the winning side of a disagreement, no one gets what they want all the time. Still, it's possible that a resentful person might see you as overbearing and inflexible.
It seems like a casual observation, but it is actually a heavy statement that points to an imbalance in the relationship. The person saying it feels as if their needs come last, and they are not just referring to the current situation. They are alluding to a history of being overlooked and ignored. It's important to hear what they are not saying and work to fix it.
6. 'I guess I just care more than you do'
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Acting as if you are devoid of concern to guilt trip you into taking a certain action is a manipulative guilt trip designed to play on your vulnerability. It's supposed to make you feel bad for not pulling your weight in the relationship, and it's a clear sign that there is resentment bubbling under the surface.
Weaponizing your vulnerability reflects a deep-seated spite that has likely been building for some time. They have been feeling emotionally neglected and as if they are in a one-sided relationship. People show that they care in different ways, and the two of you are not speaking the same language at all. They feel overly invested and want you to step up and do more.
7. 'I said I'm not mad'
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This phrase does little to reassure you that all is good. When a person is really not upset, they don't feel the need to keep telling everyone that they are fine; they just are. Instead of confronting the problem head-on, they cower and bury their anger. But hiding their resentment from the world only serves to make it grow bigger than ever.
Pretending not to be mad, especially in a defensive tone, is a clue that everything is not as it seems. The truth is that they don't feel safe enough or ready to discuss the reasons they are upset, so they are pretending not to be. Healthy relationships, whether romantic or platonic, are those where everyone feels secure enough to express themselves freely and respectfully.
8. 'I'll remember that'
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When a person promises to remember what you said to them, it's not a promise to treasure your precious word forever. It is a not-so-veiled threat letting you know that they are keeping score of the wrongs you've inflicted on them, and one day, you will have to pay for your transgressions. I recall my mom responding to someone who said this with, "Good. Remember it. Take a picture. Write it down. I don't care."
She knew that there was nothing innocent about that phrase. Even when said in a neutral way, with a forced laugh or an unemotional tone, it hints at a stored mental file of grievances. They are running a tally of disappointments and will not forgive them, but refuse to express them openly.
9. 'No worries'
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This can either be one of the most passive-aggressive phrases a person can say, or they really are reassuring you that something is inconsequential. The former is said through clenched teeth after being wronged. They don't want you to know how you have affected them, but they feel a strong resentment toward you.
"No worries" is code for "Yes, I'm upset, but I'm pretending not to be because I don't feel like dealing with it right now." They aren't in the mood to hash out the situation with you, so they have detached and let the chips fall where they may.
10. 'I'm just tired'
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Being exhausted is a viable reason to avoid confrontation. Fatigue is both emotional and physical, and who can argue with that? For people who choose to be resentful but not admit it, it's a way of dodging a deep conversation and blaming their avoidance on being tired.
In reality, they don't want to confess that the situation has mentally and emotionally drained them. The ongoing frustration leaves them unable to figure out how to have a voice without making matters much worse. So, they take rest in hopes that when they resurface, the issue will be forgotten.
11. 'It's whatever'
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"It's whatever" is my personal favorite when I want to exit a conversation that I really don't want to have. Usually, I am at my wits' end and see no benefit to continuing to engage. It translates to "I'm hurt, I'm annoyed, and I no longer think you are capable of changing, so I am moving on." But for many who use this, moving on doesn't really mean letting it go.
What is really happening is that they have decided to emotionally disengage and mask it as indifference. They have silently given up, and though it's a big deal, you would never know from their nonchalant demeanor. But if you pay close attention and listen thoughtfully, you will notice clear resentment hiding in plain sight.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
