People With These 11 Habits Make Themselves Way More Miserable Than They Have To Be
Krakenimages | Shutterstock Happiness can be elusive. Despite being something almost all of us search for, the path to finding it can be wildly complex. Often, we fall into habits that make us way more miserable than we have to be, and we remain utterly clueless as to why.
Often we make ourselves miserable because we seek happiness from external sources. Whether that's a partner, friends, work affirmation or simply feeling like we look as good as everyone else, it's simply not going to make us happy. In addition, we forget that happiness has less to do with material possessions and more to do with our mindset. And, while one person's marker of a happy life might be different from someone else's, there are a few common habits people fall into that actually make them miserable.
People with these 11 habits make themselves way more miserable than they have to be
1. Focusing on other people's success
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Comparing what you have to what other people have is a habit that can easily make your life way more miserable than it has to be. Yes, it's normal to get caught up in comparing yourself to others,but in the end, it's a self-destructive habit that leaves you feeling like what you have isn't enough.
As coaches Susie and Otto Collins point out, the more you compare yourself to others, "the more your sense of self-worth or appreciation for your relationship will be dependent on how you believe you compare." They further explain, "It's a tenuous and shaky foundation for both self-esteem and a happy, healthy relationship."
To stop your comparison habit in its tracks, take note of when you compare yourself and redirect your thought process.
"The more you can uncover what you need at this moment without blame or getting stuck in a story of why you do (or don't) deserve to have your needs met, the easier this process will be," the Collinses revealed. If you want to avoid a miserable life, say goodbye to focusing on other people's success, and learn to celebrate your own wins.
2. Staying in your comfort zone
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While it's important to know what makes you feel secure and satisfied, not challenging yourself can lead to feeling stagnant and uninspired. In order to achieve personal growth, we have to try new things. The more we push ourselves out of our comfort zones, the more we realize that we can handle hard situations.
Even better, trying new things helps prime our brains for bigger and better learning. According to researchers, simply being exposed to new things makes our brains "ready to learn".
“It has been very difficult to diagnose when latent learning is occurring,” the authors wrote. “But this research was able to differentiate between latent learning and what people learn during explicit teaching."
You don't even have to step that far out of your comfort zone to shake things up. You can cook recipes you've never made before. You can start a conversation with someone you've never spoken to. Trying new things is a small, actionable way to avoid a miserable life.
3. Blaming your problems on others
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Acknowledging your flaws signifies that you accept yourself for who you are: an imperfect person who's worthy of love, care, and respect.
The habit of blaming your problems on other people or outside forces can become a habit that keeps people miserable. A 2019 research study noted that making mistakes is often perceived as a sign of weakness, which creates a culture where people project blame onto other people instead of holding themselves accountable.
The authors explained that "People are reluctant to admit they have failed because of a general desire to avoid negative social evaluation and disapproval from others." It's highly common for people to shift blame by pointing to situational elements that are out of their control. It's not their fault that they lost the game. It's not their fault they got stuck in traffic and got to work late.
While it seems like blame-shifting can protect your self-image, it's fairly harmful in the long run. By breaking the habit of blaming others for your mistakes, you can avoid having a miserable life.
4. Negative self-talk
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If you want to feel better about yourself, you have to ditch the negative self-talk that keeps you way more miserable than you have to be. We all have inner critics, but some people know how to talk back to their critical inner voice and reinforce their belief in their inherent self-worth.
According to a study published in Scientific Reports, self-talk can be defined as "the systematic use of cue words in a silent or vocalized dialog with one's self." The study noted that positive self-talk has a beneficial impact on emotional regulation, cognition and attention, yet engaging negative self-talk is associated with poor emotional and psychological outcomes.
Positive self-talk is rooted in self-respect, while negative self-talk is excessively critical. The Mayo Clinic reported that negative self-talk can take various forms, such as blaming yourself when something goes wrong, magnifying small problems so they become bigger, and anticipating the worst in every situation.
By practicing self-compassion and talking to yourself in a gentle and encouraging way, you can change your self-perception for the better.
5. Ignoring your health
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While it may seem heroic to push on and keep grinding, even when you're feeling sick or exhausted, it often leads to minor health problems. Ignoring those problems can easily become major ones, ones that will make you more miserable than you could've imagined.
Pushing your needs to the background and not paying attention to the messages your body and mind are sending is a path that leads directly to burnout, exhaustion, extreme stress, and overall emotional and psychological distress. According to a physician at the University of Michigan, sometimes we confuse burnout with sleep deprivation, and try to treat it by sleeping or crashing on the couch. Unfortunately, this doctor says that won't solve the problem.
Everyone has different methods to staying healthy, but at the baseline, we all need to get restful sleep, move our bodies, and fuel ourselves with proper nutrition. While putting your needs first isn't always easy, not doing so can be detrimental to your well-being.
6. Holding onto the past
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It's part of human nature to have regrets, but reliving what you've done wrong or not forgiving yourself for mistakes you've made often keeps people more miserable than they need to be. In addition, holding tight to old emotions doesn't allow for any positive growth or change.
While self-reflection is a valuable part of knowing who you are and what's important to you, there's a major difference between being self-reflective and punishing yourself for who you were in the past.
You can only do the best you can with the tools you have at any given moment, which means that mistakes are often mechanisms that help you survive. If you want to avoid a miserable life, you have to forgive yourself for the past and look forward to what the future holds.
7. Avoiding difficult conversations
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The more you avoid having hard conversations, the more you build up the issues in your mind, until they seem insurmountable. Not facing conflicts directly often creates deep feelings of resentment and major miscommunication.
Feeling resentful makes your life miserable, which is why it's time to say goodbye to being so conflict avoidant. In a 2025 article, coach and educator Ann Papayoti gave clear guidelines on how to approach hard conversations.
First, define what you want to say and what you hope to get from the conversation. When the time to talk arrives, ground yourself, stay open-minded, and ask clarifying questions. Coming to the conversation from a curious and nonjudgmental place is crucial to working out a solution.
Remember, you're braver than you know, and trying new things (like having a tough conversation) can be so helpful to your personal growth.
8. Neglecting your relationships
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While it may seem like happiness is a mystery, scientists know one key factor that keeps people happy: relationships.
According to an article from The Greater Good Project, the Harvard Study of Adult Development started in the 1930s as a long-term research project on how individual's life experiences, circumstances, and attitudes influence their well-being. The study's findings were compiled in the book The Good Life: Lessons From the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz.
They discovered that just one thing "Continuously demonstrates its broad and enduring importance: Good relationships." Waldinger and Shulz wrote, "People who are more connected to family, to friends, and to community, are happier and physically healthier than people who are less well connected."
Neglecting relationships leads to social isolation, which is detrimental to our sense of self and our emotional health. If you want to be truly, genuinely happy, you have to pick up the phone and tell your friends you're thinking of them. By cultivating connections with people in your community, you can avoid having a miserable life.
9. Feeling ungrateful
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Practicing gratitude is a powerful thing. If we don't appreciate what we have, we end up feeling discontent and dissatisfied. Life isn't always easy or joyful, but even in hard times, there are aspects of our existence we can be grateful for: Friends who let us cry without judgment, having a safe home to take refuge in, a warm cup of tea or a nourishing meal.
As author David Ahearn explains, having gratitude for the smallest things impacts our happiness in the biggest way. "If we only shift our perception away from worrying about the 'big' things with which we have little to no control, we make space to celebrate the 'small' things that we most certainly have some impact to enjoy," he wrote.
"We all have things we love — big and small, but many times we fail to acknowledge or give thanks for such things," Ahearn continued. "One of the secrets of the Universe is that the more we give thanks for what we have, the more things that aren't currently in our reality soon materialize before our very eyes."
Not acknowledging gratitude is a habit that leads to having a miserable life, while expressing gratitude is a simple, accessible way to have a happy life.
10. Going with the flow
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People think it's charming to be one of those people who goes with the flow. They're easy-going, relaxed, and up for anything. But without clear goals, it's easy to go with the flow right into boredom. Eventually, they end up way more miserable than they need to be.
Having a sense of purpose can guide you toward a life that feels fulfilling. Goals don't have to be complicated or especially difficult, yet in order to be successful at reaching your goals, they should be focused and clearly-defined.
According to a 2021 study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology, managers who set high, specific goals in the workplace see increased motivation, persistence, and task performance, compared to setting vague or easy goals. This outcome indicates that people feel inspired when they have a goal in mind, as it gives them something to set their sights on.
By giving yourself goals and working to achieve them, you can find fulfillment and joy as you get closer to building the life you want.
11. Allowing miserable people into their lives
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Loyalty to friends and family is an admirable trait, but when you allow miserable people into your life, you're increasing your chances of being miserable yourself. That's because human beings are social creatures, and our attitudes shift and change in relation to our social groups.
According to Berkeley's Greater Good project, writing, "People tend to do what others around them are doing. Walk onto an elevator and almost everyone stands facing forward. People in conversation tend to match each other’s speech rate, and even the pitch of their voices."
So it seems simple: if someone hangs out with people who are miserable, they're probably going to end up significantly more miserable than they have to be. That doesn't mean people should ditch their friends when they're having a hard time. But if someone wants to be meaningfully happy, they need to balance their time with those who reflect the state of mind they wish to be in, rather than one that will bring them down.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
