People Who Believe These 11 Things Have Trouble Moving Forward In Life
You get to choose your habits and thoughts. They don't have to choose you unless you let them.
larisa Stefanjuk | Shutterstock At one point or another, everyone gets stuck thinking the worst, ruminating over inadequacies, or wishing for something to change. What you do when this happens is what makes the difference between breaking down or staying stuck. Good habits serve to move you forward and expose you to opportunities to feel good about yourself. Bad habits just make you feel bad and can keep you stuck in a rut.
Whether it's holding yourself to unrealistic expectations, having a self-defeating attitude, or feeling unmotivated, people who believe these things have trouble moving forward in life. But fortunately, by recognizing the toxic cycle of your thoughts, you can create new positive habits that improve your life and relationships.
People who believe these 11 things have trouble moving forward in life
1. 'I can't do anything right'
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This may be a pervasive feeling across all of the roles you play, or it may be restricted to one area while you're just fine in another. For instance, something may have happened years ago that made you feel not good enough. Over the years since, you've struggled to have meaningful and fulfilling relationships with partners.
While this is an area of life where you feel inadequate, your professional life may be very successful and rewarding. But no matter the reason you tell yourself this — whether it's rooted in stress, a lack of self-worth, or an inability to confront your emotions, you're only holding yourself back.
2. 'I have to be perfect'
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People who believe they have to be perfect have trouble moving forward in life. Since perfection is in the eye of the beholder, this one sets an expectation that's impossible to achieve. This need for everything around you to be perfect perpetuates the feeling of not being good enough. In fact, multiple studies have found a link between perfectionism and depression, anxiety disorders, and OCD.
When you strive for perfection in all you do, how you look, where you live and work, you're asking yourself to be super-human. That's a deep ditch. Instead, hold yourself to realistic standards.
3. 'I've got to do everything'
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You may have many roles to play: spouse, parent, daughter or son, aunt or uncle, employee, boss, friend, mentor, and so on. Each role requires your energy, time, effort, and commitment. Some of these roles may be easy, while others feel hard and less manageable.
With too many plates spinning at once, some may wobble until you spin it again and some may fall. This repeating pattern of juggling priorities may cause you to dig yourself deeper, rather than allow you to breathe and cut yourself a break.
4. 'Am I being a people-pleaser?'
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When you put everyone else's happiness, comfort, and desires ahead of your own, there's never enough left for you. You get stuck thinking your partner, boss, children, friends, or family should come first.
That may be the way you were raised. It's likely a long-standing belief ingrained in your habits. It may not be your fault, but you can change.
5. 'I have to be in control of everything'
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People who believe they need to be in control of everything have trouble moving forward in life. They reason that it takes too long for someone else to perform a task, so it would be better if they just took it on themselves; that way, it will be done correctly. But this indicates a need for control for the sake of control.
It's a major block to get over when you can't ask for help or, when offered, you refuse to take it. As change management expert Jeanne Henderson explained, "Control is not the answer. Listening, understanding, and loving others more is the answer. If we really want change in our lives, we must give up on the things we can't control. You can only change yourself, and when you do, everything around you changes."
6. 'I'll get that done later'
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Procrastination can be a major boulder blocking your ability to move forward. Overthinking can lead to analysis paralysis, which can lead to getting nothing done fast.
More often than not, you can take some pretty serious thought patterns and end up sabotaging yourself. But it's important to get out of your own way. Because not knowing what to do first can prevent you from doing anything at all.
7. 'I have to keep up with everyone else'
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It's hard to meet everyone else's expectations of you when it doesn't feel like the real you is showing up. Pretending to be someone you're not just to fit in is exhausting. It also feels inauthentic. A habit like this creates thought patterns that can make you feel like a fraud.
"Pleasing others is like chasing a moving target. People will have multiple hopes for you... By trying to please everyone, we end up pleasing no one — ourselves included. Expectations are an illusion. That's why most people don't live the life they want. They feel frustrated and disappointed," change leadership consultant Gustavo Razzetti explained.
8. 'Why am I always so scared?'
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Approaching life from a place of fear will defeat you before you start. It can also be used as an excuse to stay stuck right where you are. After all, if you're always telling yourself that you're scared to do something, you'll never move along.
Fear will never go away completely because it's an emotion designed to protect you. How you manage the fear is key to redirecting the feeling that comes up so it can serve to propel you rather than curtail you.
9. 'It's not really my fault'
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Laying blame, on someone else or some circumstance that happened, as the reason you can't do what you want or need to do is one of the surest ways to stay stuck where you are. You reason that if it's not your fault, it's someone else's. But thinking this way means it might be time to take back some control.
Mental health and wellness consultant Jamie Cannon revealed that taking responsibility for your actions isn't a bad thing. "Accountability is not a dirty word. It paves the way to learn new skills and build deeper connections with others. By admitting to our own faults and mistakes, we jettison the victim role and take back the power to change," she said.
10. 'I just can't do this'
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Negative thinking will limit your progress better than almost any other pattern or habit. And, unfortunately, people who believe this have trouble moving forward in life. This "half-empty" view stifles your enthusiasm, and it's difficult to solve problems when you're not looking for evidence that they can be solved.
"The key to keeping negative thinking under control so that it doesn't turn into a negative attitude toward life is to first recognize that negative, pessimistic, or critical thoughts are a typical experience for most people. Being hard on ourselves is not the solution, nor is coming up with a positive alternative to every negative thought we have," licensed clinical psychologist Carla M. Shuman explained.
11. 'I'll never be able to get out of this'
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You may struggle with the ability to think a few steps ahead and put your mind in the near future, where you've overcome a daunting task or situation. But believing you'll never get through something is sure to hold you back from progress and personal growth.
When you find yourself in this cycle, research published in Frontiers in Psychology suggested that naming those thoughts and calling them out is essential in overcoming this type of thinking. Because when you put your mind to something and remain calm when life gets a bit messy, there's no telling how far you'll go.
María Tomás-Keegan is a certified career and life coach for women, transition expert, and founder of Transition & Thrive with María.
