People Who Treat Others With Zero Kindness Almost Always Use These 10 Phrases When They Talk To You
Galina Zhigalova | Shutterstock Especially as kindness and empathy dwindle in the rising faces of narcissism and selfishness in our culture, it's important to recognize "red flags" that the people around you don't have your best interests in mind. Whether it's a stranger in a casual conversation or a friend who's subtly diminishing your feelings, people who treat others with zero kindness almost always use certain phrases when they talk to you.
The better you are at recognizing a person lacking empathy and selfishness, the more secure you can feel crafting boundaries and protecting your peace. You can be intentional with the energy you introduce into and accept in your life, and focus your personal ambition on investing in relationships that actually bring an aura of love and intentionality.
People who treat others with zero kindness almost always use these 10 phrases when they talk to you
1. 'You should've known better'
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Instead of supporting people around them and validating people's hurt, people who treat others with zero kindness are more interested in being "correct" and proving a point. Even if they're the perpetrator of another person's hurt, they'll use a phrase like "you should've known better" to completely shift blame and avoid accountability.
These people, who cannot connect and understand others on a fundamentally human level, are always operating from a place of ego, rather than heart. They care most about building up their own self-image and ego, rather than admitting when they're wrong or taking accountability, which allows them to grow into a better, more emotionally intelligent person.
2. 'They're paid to do that'
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Many people lash out at service workers when they don't have the emotional intelligence to handle their own stress and cope with their own complex emotions. They prefer to bring other people down and let go of anger with people they perceive to be less "important" than they are.
Baristas, servers, and other service workers are "scapegoats" for these overstimulated, angry people, and if they also lack a fundamental sense of empathy, they don't care about challenging those internal urges to promote better interactions and understanding.
3. 'That's not my problem'
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Alongside a rise in narcissism in our culture, where people are more focused on their own success, self-image, and needs than on showing up for others, it's not surprising that there's a lack of empathy. People who treat others with zero kindness sidestep accountability and often use phrases like "that's not my problem" to protect their comfort, even if it means willfully letting another person suffer or struggle.
They don't pull over to help people stuck on the highway. They don't hold open doors or use basic manners. They don't care about reassuring someone who's struggling or crying, especially if they don't know them.
4. 'I don't owe anyone anything'
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Many selfish people cling to beliefs about "not owing anything" to anyone, usually by pretending it's some kind of boundary, to justify not offering help or support to anyone. However, even if someone isn't interested in offering kindness for "free" to strangers and friends, the truth is that small acts of kindness are more powerful than people give them credit for.
According to a BYU study, one small act of kindness a week can truly improve personal well-being and happiness. Yet, people who lack kindness or empathy for others are only ever focused on their own needs, time, and effort, rather than extending a helping hand or making someone else's life easier.
5. 'Nobody does that for me'
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Many people who lack empathy are naturally driven toward transactional relationships, where they don't offer love, affection, or support without getting something in return. They weaponize affection and communication — think: using the "silent treatment" — to get what they want, sabotaging any ability to cultivate strong relationships built on unconditional love and trust.
These kinds of people have little appreciation or kindness for people who aren't directly benefiting their lives in tangible ways. Whether it's time, support, solving problems for them, or boosting their ego in some way, people who treat others with zero kindness prefer to indulge in "business transactions" rather than truly healthy relationships.
6. 'Just figure it out'
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Even if it's uncomfortable at times to ask for and offer help, especially to people we don't know well, a Stanford Report argues that it's these moments that truly bond us and protect our well-being. "Just figure it out" is a clear sign of someone who has zero kindness for others and who would prefer to completely avoid someone's pleading for support in favor of their own time, energy, and comfort.
They don't care about helping others because they're selfish and entitled. They expect everyone to drop everything to run to their rescue, but rarely, if ever, offer that same kind of support and assistance to others.
7. 'I didn't ask'
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People who lack empathy often miss out on the beauty of passing, casual conversations with strangers and engaging in small acts of kindness with the people in their lives. They're so hyper-focused on their own routines, plans, and needs that when someone asks for help or a shoulder to cry on, they're never available.
Unless they're getting something or some kind of leverage over someone by listening and supporting their emotions, they're not interested.
8. 'It's not that serious'
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If someone ever uses a phrase like "it's not that serious" when you're expressing your emotions vulnerably, they're not trying to make you feel better — they're dismissing and invalidating your feelings. "It's not that serious" is a phrase only people with zero kindness use, because they're gaslighters by nature.
They're not interested in protecting your relationship, building trust, or cultivating a safe space for you to express yourself, because they're trying to protect their own space for attention and comfort.
9. 'I don't have the time for this'
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Of course, there are certain moments in our lives where we don't have the emotional space or literal time to engage in long, hard conversations. However, if someone you're supposed to be able to lean on — partners, family, and friends — is consistently using a phrase like "I don't have time for this," chances are they simply don't care about supporting you.
They want you to spend all their time and attention helping and supporting them when they need something, but never offer that same energy in return.
10. 'Stop complaining'
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People who chronically complain about everything without making any changes or taking any action often spark a lot of negativity in the lives of the people they're speaking to. These negative feelings are completely contagious, so this kind of complaining can be more harmful than it seems in the moment.
However, if someone is using a phrase like "stop complaining" to protect themselves from accountability and needing to offer support, rather than to protect themselves from unnecessary negativity, they're likely someone who lacks empathy. People who treat others with zero kindness almost always use these phrases because they're always trying to protect their own comfort, even if it means invalidating another person's pain and stomping over safe spaces that are required for open communication in relationships.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
