People Who Secretly Feel Insecure About Their Intelligence Usually Do These 11 Things In Conversations
They try to hide their insecurity with harmful defense mechanisms.
panophotograph | Shutterstock Social interactions, healthy friendships, and passing conversations in everyday life make us healthier, according to a study from the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, which is why any kind of barrier to these experiences is often more alarming than it seems. From social isolation to struggles with insecurities, anything that sabotages communication and connection with others can innately prompt more feelings of loneliness and hopelessness.
However, feeling and noticing things like social anxiety can be subtle, but people who secretly feel insecure about their intelligence usually do these things in conversations. From dismissing other people to yearning for attention, people who feel insecure about their contributions to a conversation or general intelligence will almost overcompensate in these ways.
People who secretly feel insecure about their intelligence usually do these 11 things in conversations
1. Over-explain their decisions
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According to psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis, people who over-explain themselves in conversations often struggle with fears about being believed, respected, or appreciated. They may believe that internally they don’t have the wisdom or intelligence to add anything of substance, so they overcompensate by over-explaining their opinions and decisions.
Even if it’s a justification for their behaviors or seeking validation for a choice before making it, they don’t have the internal security and self-assuredness to do and say things on their own accord.
2. Name-drop for status
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Name-dropping almost always comes from a person who is deeply uncomfortable in their own skin or believes that their worth only comes from the people they know, rather than what they can contribute to a conversation. While it’s notorious for backfiring amongst other people, people who secretly feel insecure about their intelligence still do these things in conversations often.
They believe that associating themselves with intelligence or likable people will boost their own social status, but in reality, it only comes across as arrogant and rude.
3. Overcomplicate their language
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To sound “smart” or make themselves seem more intelligent in a social setting, people who secretly feel insecure may overcomplicate their language for no reason. Even if they don’t know what a big word means, they’ll include it in their vernacular and even use things like corporate lingo to disguise their discomfort in a space.
Of course, like a study from WIREs Cognitive Science explains, truly intelligent people prefer to use clear, simple language when they’re talking to other people, instead of complicated and unnecessarily complex words. They want conversations to feel accessible, inclusive, and easy to understand for everyone in the room, which is why the former is often taken in condescending and rude ways.
4. Avoid things they don't understand
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Whether it’s trying new things they’ve never done before or avoiding topics that they don’t understand, insecure people avoid the discomfort of things they don’t know. They don’t leave their comfort zone, often view mistakes and misunderstandings as “failures,” and hold themselves to an unrealistic standard when it comes to knowledge.
Not only does this keep them from growing on a personal level, but their inability to take accountability for mistakes and learn from others often also sabotages their relationships. They consistently use phrases like “I don’t know” instead of “let me figure it out,” and always blame other people when they feel misunderstood or confused.
5. Use sarcasm as a defense mechanism
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Many people tend to perceive sarcasm in conversations as “less polite” and welcoming, according to psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne. While humor can help ease the mood and resolve conflict in certain situations, for the most part, being overly reliant on sarcasm can encourage people to perceive you as condescending, rather than witty.
People who secretly feel insecure about their intelligence usually do these things in conversations as a defense mechanism — to mask the internal discomfort they’re constantly grappling with. Instead of admitting they don’t know something or leaning into vulnerability with friends, they use sarcasm as a buffer, so that people “don’t realize” they’re not as smart as they purport.
6. Over-prepare for and overthink conversations
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Even if overthinking and over-preparing for conversations and offers insecure people a fleeting sense of control and comfort, a 2025 study suggests that it only keeps them stuck in a loop that ultimately undermines trust, self-esteem, and emotional safety.
When they need preparation time for interactions, not for a social battery recharge, but to gain control, unexpected conversations and meetings can bring even more uncertainty and anxiety. Yet to “prove” their misguided intellect and ensure that other people see them in a better way than they see themselves internally, they feel drawn to prepare talking points and insights beforehand.
7. Tell self-deprecating jokes often
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According to psychotherapist Karen Chambre, self-deprecating humor is often a reflection of our own internal insecurities and shame. Of course, with the right emotional regulation and social awareness, these jokes aren’t always toxic or unsettling in a group dynamic, but when they’re consistently used to avoid vulnerability or to seek reassurance, they’re draining and misguided.
Many people who are intrinsically insecure about their intelligence do these things in conversations as a defense mechanism. They want to beat people to the punch — reaffirming their own insecurities before someone has a chance to notice and point them out. Of course, in the end, this kind of humor only amplifies the low self-esteem that a person is already grappling with.
8. Seek approval
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If a person is always saying things like “Do you think I should?” or “Well, what do you think?” chances are they’re not self-assured enough to rely on their own internal security and intellect to make personal decisions.
Of course, seeking knowledge and asking for advice from others isn’t a bad thing, but revolving your decisions around what other people think can be an obvious sign that someone is intrinsically insecure. These kinds of people revolve their own sense of self and self-esteem around what other people think of them, which leads to people-pleasing and self-isolation that’s far from healthy.
9. Need to have the last word
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Many people who struggle with vulnerability, accountability, and taking responsibility for their mistakes also defend themselves against these things by needing to have the last word. If only they could control the conversation and other people’s perceptions of them, then life would be okay.
They need to “win” rather than resolve conflicts, which is why feeling a desire to have the last word is so problematic and harmful, like Krauss Whitbourne explains. Admitting to a mistake doesn’t make them any less of a person or a “failure,” but to an insecure person, afraid of feeling “dumb,” it feels like it.
10. Try to dominate discussions
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By talking more, speaking in a louder tone, or interrupting people in conversations, people who secretly feel insecure about their intelligence usually find a misguided sense of control. Whether it’s rooted in social anxiety or internal insecurities, trying to dominate a conversation and be the center of attention ensures they have power over the narrative of their social perceptions.
Of course, not only does this tend to sabotage their perception, but it also ruins natural connection and bonding in a conversation and keeps insecure people from building healthy relationships in the long run.
11. Make fun of others
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Even if it comes at the expense of their relationships and social perception, people who secretly feel insecure about their intelligence may bring other people down or make fun of them to shift the attention away from their insecurities. If they can bring someone down to their level or make someone feel self-doubt, they can protect themselves from ridicule about their own insecurities.
While it may provide a moment of fleeting safety and comfort, it only encourages others to view them as arrogant, condescending, and just plain mean.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
