People Who Feel Left Out In Most Situations Always Notice These 11 Small Details
They can't help but feel chronically misunderstood.
Roman Samborskyi | Shutterstock We're currently living in a "crisis of belonging," according to social psychologist Geoff Cohen, where many Americans are suffering from social isolation and loneliness at incredibly high levels. They don't have a community, struggle to make friends and meet new people, and even feel lost on a personal level — unable to find the internal security they need to thrive.
Despite being a common occurrence for many, some people who feel chronically misunderstood, even when they do interact with people and go out, experience consistently negative feelings around social interactions that pressure them to stay inside. From sensing the energy shift when they enter a room to feeling judged because of their self-expression, people who feel left out in most situations always notice these small details.
People who feel left out in most situations always notice these 11 small details
1. Other people's body language
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Whether it's refusing to make eye contact, noticing space left between them and other people, or sensing that people are actively turned away from them in a conversation, people who feel left out in most situations notice these small details. And, for the most part, these body language quirks can be convincing, even if the people engaging in them don't realize that they're sending a message.
Simply having a certain posture can be a sign of disengagement or that someone doesn't like you, according to a study from Behavioral Sciences. So while these people may be incredibly intuitive and present in their social interactions, they tend to also feel chronically left out and anxious because of it.
2. Someone's tone of voice
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According to psychologist Rich Hanson, many people are consistently more sensitive to the tone of a person's voice than they are to the actual content of what they say. So, whether you're delivering bad news in a work meeting or going on a first date, it's important to always be conscious of how your tone is coming across to other people.
Specifically for people who feel left out in most situations, they always notice these small details on a higher level. When someone doesn't want to talk to them or is generally uninterested in what they're saying, they notice right away — often feeling a pressure to remove themselves and self-isolate.
3. Energy shifts
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Even if it seems subtle and unsuspecting, a person who feels consistently misunderstood and isolated from conversations and social interactions will immediately sense energy shifts in conversations. If they walk into a room or enter into a conversation, they know immediately if they're being accepted or rejected by the people around them, even if it's subtle.
Usually, when we talk about a person's energy changing, it's for the better — a sign that a person is attracted to you or interested in talking. However, for people who feel left out, whether it's because of their appearance, identity, or social skills, they often experience it in an entirely different way.
4. Physical space
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From walking behind a group of people on the sidewalk to feeling people shift away from them during conversations, people who feel left out in most situations always notice these small physical details. Especially if they already have an internal sense of insecurity or low self-worth, they're prone to projecting their own self-directed judgments onto others.
Even if it feels obvious that "people don't like you" or "you're not entertaining enough," chances are the insecurity you feel on the inside is sabotaging these interactions — not who you are as a person. If you believe that nobody wants to speak with you or that other people are constantly judging you, chances are you're going to consistently feel more isolated because of it.
The most confident, courageous, and authentic people are the ones who have the best social interactions and conversations, because they're more interested and engaged in other people, rather than dwelling on other people's opinions in their head.
5. Subtle smirks and whispers
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Even if another person's whispers or subtle glances at a friend have nothing to do with them, people who feel left out in most situations always notice these subtle details. They can't help but believe they're being laughed at or judged, even if it's their own insecurities talking.
This is part of the reason why insecure people — whether it's an insecure attachment in their relationships or low self-esteem in general — tend to experience more loneliness, according to a study from Personality and Individual Differences.
They're always thinking the worst and protecting themselves from criticism, even if it means subtly self-sabotaging their interactions by focusing too much on their fear of opinions over true connection and engagement.
6. If people remember their name or not
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While calling someone by their name is often a sign of respect and engagement, for people who consistently feel left out and isolated from conversations, it can be a true sign of acknowledgement and affection. They notice when people remember their names, because it makes them feel seen and validated, but they also notice when people forget and make an effort to apologize.
People who feel like they don't "fit in" with the crowd always notice subtle things like people remembering their name, and often place a lot of value in whether or not they do. It's a sign that they care and notice, even if they don't feel like they're being noticed or appreciated at all.
7. Interruptions
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Interruptions in conversations do more than harm our momentum and productivity, as a study from UC Berkeley suggests; they also further isolate people from interactions, especially when they're already feeling left out or insecure.
Whether it's interrupting them or failing to acknowledge that they're speaking altogether, people who feel left out in most situations can't help but feel like their voices don't matter when they notice these small details. Especially if they don't set boundaries and advocate for themselves, in places such as the workplace or in their family relationships, it only encourages people to further take advantage of their space.
8. Not being invited
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When other people are making plans and crafting hangouts in conversations, people who feel left out in most situations always notice when they're not included. Not only does it feel like a powerful form of social rejection, even though it's a passing casual conversation, it often also takes a toll on their sense of self-worth and identity.
Everyone wants to feel like they belong somewhere, even if that manifests itself as being invited to a party or being added to a group chat. These things feel subtle, but in our world riddled with social isolation and loneliness, they mean a lot more than they appear on the surface.
9. Subtle hesitations
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Oftentimes, it's the subtle flow and momentum of conversations that pulls us in and bonds us with others. We adapt to the conversational style of others, get excited, and use our body language to signal interest, but sometimes, it's these same subtleties that have an opposite effect.
For example, things like subtle hesitations before including someone or breaking eye contact for a few moments can be powerful, and are often some of the small details that people who feel left out in most situations notice immediately.
10. Silence
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Whether it's awkward silence when they enter into a conversation or the deafening silence they hear after telling a joke, people who feel left out in most situations always notice these small details. For the most part, these kinds of experiences are a sign of two things: you're either not being authentically yourself or you're not around the right people.
People are drawn to authenticity that makes them feel safe when they're secure in themselves, but they may be rude and off-putting to people who point out their own insecurities. So, if someone doesn't laugh at your joke or makes you feel dumb for being yourself, it says so much more about them than it does about you or your "people skills."
11. Feelings of relief
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When they decide to leave a conversation or excuse themselves from one, the sigh or relief that they perceive to follow is one of the small details that people who feel left out in most situations always notice.
Luckily, these sighs or this kind of relief — if they're there at all, which may not even be the case — are often a reflection of your own discomfort. If you're always on edge, thinking about insecurities, or imagining the judgment other people harbor toward you, chances are you're bringing bad energy into a conversation.
You don't have to be happy and enthusiastic all the time to be a good conversationalist, but you should at least feel semi-secure in your own identity and self-esteem.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
