5 Things People Do When They're Self-Sabotaging, Even If They Refuse To Admit It
Some people set themselves up so they have a reason to fail.
Andrii Nekrasov | Canva Have you ever met your inner saboteur? Sometimes it’s crystal clear when we sabotage our success or love, while other times it comes invisibly. Whether you're the one self-sabotaging or someone you care about, there are a few signs can tip you off.
Why do people self-sabotage? There are many reasons, but it's almost always out of fear. While we recognize how fear rules our lives more than we think, instead of reaching out, we are scared to shine.
Here are five things people do to self-sabotage, even if they don't admit it
1. Not acting on their big goal
You work hard toward your big dream. You invest mental and emotional energy in your goal, and you wish it will work out. Both your hopes and worries flow in the direction of your dream.
Then challenges show up as you begin to make a breakthrough. Suddenly, the fears kick in, and you start to doubt whether you can make it happen. Before you know it, you question the dream and your ability to succeed.
Self-sabotaging behavior: Your inner saboteur gets louder, and you start thinking: “I won’t succeed. Once again. I always fail. I can’t make my dreams come true. I should be more realistic.”
As you believe this inner voice in your head, you unconsciously start sabotaging your goal. You don’t give your 100%, you procrastinate, make unwise choices, or get emotionally unbalanced, all of which affect your focus. 2010 research demonstrated "under some conditions, actions are initiated even though we are unconscious of the goals to be attained or their motivating effect on our behavior."
One of the self-sabotaging behaviors is that you don’t feel good in the critical moment. When it matters the most and you should perform your best, you ruin it.
Cause: The inner saboteur gets loud whenever we’re at the edge of our comfort zone. You can be almost sure you will meet him right there. Whenever we move past our old conditioning, our subconscious mind tests us one more time.
Before we upgrade to the next level, we’re being tested to see whether we’ve mastered the lessons of the current level.
2. Leaving things for the last moment
When you pay the bills late or start working on projects shortly before the deadline, you can be sure the inner saboteur is running the show.
The primary reason why people struggle with time is that they don’t master their energy well. They invest their energy in things to serve as distractions, and then they start doing the important stuff at the last moment.
Self-sabotaging behavior: You procrastinate on acting on the critical projects or show up late for meetings. You’re unreliable, and your friends would even call you irresponsible.
Postponing things creates a vicious circle. Unintentionally, you train your mind to live in constant stress and fear. Your mind expects hardships and obstacles to show up, and you manifest them by aligning yourself with that belief.
Cause: Your subconscious mind is addicted to drama. For if things went smoothly, your mind would get bored. The mind is designed to sort out information and to solve problems. Thus, it likes to recreate stressful situations in your life.
3. Overthinking, getting stuck in thought paralysis
You’d love to travel the world, start a new business, and meet the love of your life, but you tend to overthink any opportunity.
Overthinking is like a slow poison, cluttering your thinking.
We always know what we want. Sure, sometimes we fear to admit it to ourselves, so we play with ideas back and forth, but when we become honest with ourselves, we always know the right answer.
Self-sabotaging behavior: Your inner saboteur makes you question your decisions. Instead of turning your attention inward and discovering what you want, you ask others. Nevertheless, you still hesitate to act while the precious time is slipping between your fingers.
Cause: The inner saboteur wants to make sure you don’t make a mistake. In the past, you got hurt, and you fear it would repeat if you were spontaneous. Although the precaution makes sense, it undermines your self-confidence and intuition.
Life coach Susie Pettit advised, "If it’s something from the past, I no longer replay the 14 different things I could’ve done. Rather, I clean up my mess and move on. I apologize when needed, learn what I could’ve done differently, and move the heck on. If I’m overthinking because of something in the future, instead of worrying about things I can’t control, I direct my brain to ask more powerful What If's."
4. Creating and believing assumptions
Do you often assume something, and later it turns up to be wrong? Most people develop assumptions about their abilities, the intentions of others, or how things will turn out. Assumptions are reflections of the fear-based mind rather than reality.
Self-sabotaging behavior: You may decide for others (for instance, the weekend plans) and assume it’s fine for them too. Or you go to a job interview and assume beforehand that you’re not the best candidate for them.
Cause: Creating assumptions is one of the ways to keep you in the realms of the familiar, so you avoid potential pain. The inner saboteur assumes things will turn out the same way as they have always been. Thus, it sends you the thoughts to block out any other evidence.
5. Putting on armor when it's time to shine
Putting on the armor to protect our hearts keeps us locked behind the same defensive walls, too. Sure, guarding our hearts seems easier than risking being vulnerable in relationships. Our ego likes to keep situations under its control, as explored by a 2016 study that assessed levels of self-control according to ego states.
However, I’ve never met anyone happy while hiding their true selves from others. Have you?
Self-sabotaging behavior: This is the inner saboteur’s favorite trick. In interactions with others, you strive to portray your best self. You have a bag of faces and put one on depending on who you talk with. When you’re in relationships, you keep your beliefs, thoughts, and emotions for yourself.
Sometimes the inner saboteur makes people withdraw from their partners or pretend they’re better than they believe. Whenever you try to get close to people, the inner saboteur rushes in to create conflict and drama.
Cause: The inner saboteur is the master of keeping our hearts safe. It wants to ensures we don’t get hurt. Especially when it has already happened. Thus, it makes up problems in relationships so we don’t create too intimate a bond with another human being.
Sylvia Salow is an author, public speaker, and life coach who encourages people to grow into their potential by moving past any fears and mind limitations so they can create the life they deeply desire.
